This is the first line of the title track to Neil Young's "Living with war" album of the same name. It describes in five words the unfortunate circumstance I and many of my fellow veterans find ourselves in. Having "seen the elephant" and realized the terrible consequences of war, for the last ten years we have seen the obscenity of violence grip this nation and send it into "the patriotic fever" that blinded us to the costs of war.
Added and abetted by the media whores who wish to be bathed in its reflected glow, the nation ignored those who took to the streets in opposition. Ignored the lessons of history. Ignored the lies perpetrated by the Bush administration. Ignored the international community. Ignored the truth. It was glorious!
It was glorious to see the tanks, helicopters, attack airplanes and loaded for bear soldiers and Marines overwhelming our "enemies". Shock and awe baby!
It was glorious when Jessica Lynch fought off those Iraqis single handed. It was glorious when she was rescued. It was glorious when the statue of Saddam Hussein was toppled. We were told it was glorious and the nation cheered on.
"There's many a boy here today who looks on war as all glory, but boys, it is all hell."
General William Tecumseh Sherman, 1880
And it is all hell living with war. The sights, sounds and smells return. The dreams that had been suppressed resurface in their technicolor madness. You know exactly how the concussion of the bomb feels like. You hear "ma deuce" firing and the brass it ejects strike the ground. You smell the gunpowder. You smell death, again.
And now they say its over. It is not. It will always be there for those who were touched by this criminal act whether they be military or civilian. I think Hugh C. Thompson, the hero of My Lai said it best;
"I wish I was a big enough man to say I
forgive them, but I swear to God, I can't."
I'm living with war everyday
I'm living with war in my heart every day
I'm living with war right now
I'm living with war everyday
I'm living with war in my heart every day
I'm living with war right now
And when the dawn breaks I see my fellow man
And on the flat-screen we kill and we're killed again
And when the night falls, I pray for peace
Try to remember peace (visualize)
I join the multitudes
I raise my hand in peace
I never bow to the laws of the thought police
I take a holy vow
To never kill again
To never kill again
I'm living with war in my heart
I'm living with war in my heart in my mind
I'm living with war right now
Don't take no tidal wave
Don't take no mass grave
Don't take no smokin' gun
To show how the west was won
But when the curtain falls, I pray for peace
Try to remember peace (visualize)
In the crowded streets
In the big hotels
In the mosques and the doors of the old museum
I take a holy vow
To never kill again
Try to remember peace
The rocket's red glare
Bombs bursting in air
Give proof through the night,
That our flag is still there
I'm living with war everyday
I'm living with war in my heart every day
I'm living with war right now
BOHICA
Repentant ex member of Murder Inc.
Southeast Asia Division
