Yesterday was a big day on Capitol Hill. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton appeared before our nation's lawmakers to finally answer all the tough questions about the terrorist attacks on our consulate in Benghazi last September.
Of course, Secretary Clinton was supposed to have testified back in December, but kept "postponing" it for "health issues". Which came to be referred to by medical professionals as:
FOX NEWS WOMAN (12/29/2012): She had the Benghazi flu, they're calling it.
REP. ALLEN WEST, R-FL (12/20/2012): ... a case of Benghazi flu ...
CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER (12/19/2012): Apparently, she's suffering from an acute Benghazi allergy.
Yaaaaaaa!! While the "Benghazi flu" turned out to be a cerebral blood clot, point taken. As there can be no doubt that what motivated Clinton's platelets to coagulate in her neural capillaries was, you know, fear of the uncomfortable Perry Mason-like queries of Republican lawmakers. Questions such as:
REP. JEFF DUNCAN, R-SC (1/23/2013): At what point in time can our administration and can our government fire someone whose gross negligence left four Americans dead in Benghazi? What does the word "responsibility" mean to you, Madame Secretary?
"Well Congressman, Webster's defines 'responsibility' as why don't you go fuck yourself?"
(wild audience cheering and applause)
I'm sorry, that was from the show Webster.
Look, I'm not saying Hillary Clinton or the State Department are blameless here. We need a thorough inquiry, and a critical analysis of the serious misjudgments, bureaucratic inaccuracies, and pure incompetence that led to the Benghazi tragedy. But... this here committee weren't it.
1/23/2013:
REP. MICHAEL McCAUL, R-TX: On August 16th, we have this cable that's been widely reported, a classified State Department cable, warning that the Benghazi consulate could not withstand a coordinated attack. ... Were you aware of this cable, this August 16th cable?
HILLARY CLINTON: 1.43 million cables a year come to the State Department. They are all addressed to me. They do not all come to me. They are reported through the bureaucracy.
So she didn't see the cable. Let me ask you a question. Were they Time-Warner cables? Because that would explain why they never showed up. (wild audience cheering and applause) Sorry for that. Please, come back, reconnect my cable! Life without Bunheads is no life at all!
All right. The question was asked, it was answered. "Did you see the cables?" "I didn't see the cables." Which clearly meant that question needed to be asked a few more dozen times.
1/23/2013:
SEN. RON JOHNSON, R-WI: Did you see personally the cable on, I believe it was, August 12th?
REP. MICHAEL McCAUL, R-TX: Was this a cable that surprised you?
SEN. RON JOHNSON, R-WI: Did you see that personally?
REP. CHRISTOPHER SMITH, R-NJ: And how did you respond to it?
SEN. RAND PAUL, R-KY: You did not read the cables from Benghazi? You did not read the cables from Ambassador Stevens?
REP. MICHAEL McCAUL, R-TX: Certainly somebody within your office should have seen this cable.
Yes. They should have. And that concludes the House and Senate Joint No-Shit Sherlock Committee hearings.
Yes, as each one of you in succession has pointed out, someone at State should have seen the cable from Benghazi, popped it upstairs to someone with more authority at State, and given those people at the consulate more security. That's a fair point... that you don't all have to identically make.
But you know, you ain't dealing with a rookie here, guys. This ain't Clinton's first go-around at the finger-pointing rodeo. I mean, Clinton's like a finger-point Magneto. I mean, you come at her, and she'll turn it around on you. Obviously, the Magneto reference would only be apropos if fingers had a metal component. Or if Magneto's mutant ability didn't actually affect metals, but fingers. Fingeto, which obviously... just roll the thing.
1/23/2013:
SEN. RAND PAUL, R-KY: These are judgment errors and the people who make judgment errors need to be replaced, fired, and no longer in a position of making these judgment calls.
REP. TOM MARINO, R-PA: There are individuals that just have to be cut loose when they're not performing their tasks.
Explain yourself, Madame Secretary! Why didn't you fire anyone??

HILLARY CLINTON (1/23/2013): Under federal statute and regulations, unsatisfactory leadership is not grounds for finding a breach of duty. ... I have submitted legislation to this committee, to the Congress, to fix this problem.
Huh?

REP. ILEANA ROS-LEHTINEN, R-FL (1/23/2013): Why did State not immediately revamp our security protocols prior to the September 11th attacks?
Ah-hah! Ms. I-have-all-the-answers, why wasn't there enough security?
HILLARY CLINTON (1/23/2013): I didn't see those requests. They didn't come to me. I didn't approve them. I didn't deny them. ... We have asked the Congress to help us re-allocate funds. The Senate has given us that authority. We don't yet have it from the House. So that we can get more Marine guards, we can get more diplomatic security guards.
D'oh! Son of a bitch!!!

But you know what? We live in polarized times. If the Republicans cannot contain their more political instincts, can Democrats bring the proceedings to a more constructive place?
1/23/2013:
SEN. BARBARA BOXER, D-CA: You have represented our country with tremendous strength and poise.
REP. ELIOT ENGEL, D-NY: ... the way you've worked, the tireless effort you had ...
SEN. CHRIS COONS, D-DE: ... your remarkable skills and stamina ...
REP. ALAN LOWENTHAL, D-CA: ... your openness, your thoughtfulness today ...
REP. JUAN VARGAS, D-CA: You said earlier that we haven't done enough promoting ourselves around the country, the world. I think you have.
REP. GRACE MENG, D-NY: If you have any advice for a fellow New Yorker finding her way in this town, please let me know.
Ms. Clinton... (gets down on one knee) would you make us the luckiest committee in the world?

I'm sorry, did I say constructive? I meant ass-licky.
Wow! You got the Secretary of State in front of you under oath, and you're fishing for restaurant recommendations! Even Paula Abdul is watching this, going, "Jesus, go a little harder on her."
Yes, it appeared many Democrats saw this as an opportunity not to question the Secretary on Libya, but to interview for perhaps a future position.
DEL. ENI FALEOMAVAEGA, D-AMERICAN SAMOA (1/23/2013): I salute you, and I look ahead to 2016, wishing you much success and extending to you my highest regards.
Oh shit! Oh my God! Wait a minute, there's no American Samoa delegate on the Foreign Affairs Committee.... Computer, enhance that image!

I knew it!! It's noted Pacific Islander über-prankster Ronaiah Tuiasosopo! Tuiasosopo, I knew it was you-iasosopo, from that clue-iasosopo. But you will never best me, for I am rubber and you are glue-iasosopo. Actually, there is an American Samoa delegate on the Foreign Affairs Committee, but I wanted to do four straight days of that bit. You know, carry it through-iasosopo. I'm going to miss that story!
All in all, the hearings served as a reminder of why they're called hearings, and not learnings, as the big takeaway from the day appears to be an out-of-context soundbite.
HILLARY CLINTON (1/23/2013): Was it because of a protest? Or was it because of guys out for a walk one night who decided they'd go kill some Americans? What difference at this point does it make?
Oh. She really saying there's no point investigating the cause of the attack? I mean, that's gonna gain some traction.
BILL O'REILLY: With all due respect, it makes a HUGE difference!
SEAN HANNITY: She appeared to indicate that it doesn't matter who was behind the attack.
ERIC BOLLING: It makes everything the difference to everyone who's been watching this, who's been following this, who've been trying to figure out who knew what, and when.
BRIAN KILMEADE: What difference does it make? The whole reason why we're there is because we don't know what happened still today!
Exactly! This inquiry is so we can figure out what happened, and to prevent it from ever happening again. Doesn't Hillary Clinton understand that?
HILLARY CLINTON (1/23/2013): What difference at this point does it make? It is our job to figure out what happened and do everything we can to prevent it from ever happening again, Senator.
DAMN YOU NEXT LINE!! DAMN YOU TO HELL!! I guess she does understand that.
So if Hillary is minimizing the tragedy, well then, the laws of conservation of matter and energy would tell us someone on the committee must balance with equal and opposing hyperbole.
SEN. RAND PAUL, R-KY (1/23/2013): I'm glad that you're accepting responsibility. I think that ultimately with your leaving, you accept the culpability for the worst tragedy since 9/11.
(Jon shakes head vigorously in disbelief)
Someone's forgetting Iraq!
But done. Order is restored to the universe. We'll be right back.
on the Benghazi hearing.
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