Last night, Stephen Colbert ripped into Tennessee Republicans for rejecting the Medicaid expansion under Obamacare.
House Republicans, on the other hand, have done their part. They have voted to repeal Obamacare 39 times. One more, and they get free health care for life. Just kidding, they get that now.
And folks, I tell ya, here is Obama's trap. The feds are picking up 100% of the cost of each state's Medicaid expansion until 2017. But then, over the next four years, the percentage the fed pays plunges all the way down... to 90%.
....
Under Obamacare, 180,000 people from Tennessee would be added to his state's Medicaid, or TennCare program. But Haslam has said no, explaining:
GOV. BILL HASLAM, R-TN (3/13/2013): A lot of people say, "Hey, that's an easy call. Just expand three years 100% and then walk away at that point in time." I don't think you can easily walk away.
No. Do you know how heartbreaking it is to tell someone they're no longer getting health care? It's so much kinder to just tell them they're never getting health care.
Besides, the governor is confident that Tennessee can go it alone, because Tennessee already has great plans for getting affordable health care to those who need it, with a health care lottery.
You see, twice a year, residents in Tennessee who have high medical bills, and who would not be eligible for TennCare "can call a state phone line and request an application". But they need to do it quick, because "the line shuts down after 2,500 calls, typically within an hour". Yes, for one hour, twice a year, a few lucky people are allowed to live.
....
Nation, I gotta tell you, I love this health care lottery. It finally adds some suspense to that old, boring question, "Will I see tomorrow?" We should do this everywhere. Every state can introduce something different. Maybe a new line of scratch-off surgery tickets, OK? It's fun, OK, let's see what we got here. (scratches off surgery ticket) Collapsed lung, collapsed lung... blocked artery! Damn! (the Price Is Right sad trombone failure music plays)
Well, better luck next time. If there is one.
Video and full transcript below the fold.
Folks, every day, more and more freeloaders out there are sucking at the government teat. Which is especially troubling since Uncle Sam is a dude. That's not even counting Obamacare, which takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor. (audience applause) We're all very angry.
Now folks, Obamacare raises eligibility for Medicaid to 133% of the poverty line, allowing it to cover 30 million more Americans by 2022. 30 million medical moochers. To put that in perspective, if you laid them all end to end, they would stretch to Canada, which is where they should move if they want free health care.
House Republicans, on the other hand, have done their part. They have voted to repeal Obamacare 39 times. One more, and they get free health care for life. Just kidding, they get that now.
And folks, I tell ya, here is Obama's trap. The feds are picking up 100% of the cost of each state's Medicaid expansion until 2017. But then, over the next four years, the percentage the fed pays plunges all the way down... to 90%.
By then, your state is hooked like a diabetic jonesing for his insulin fix. Oh, they love it. Get help, junkies.
Luckily, Republican governors aren't falling for it, like Tennessee Governor Bill Haslam. Under Obamacare, 180,000 people from Tennessee would be added to his state's Medicaid, or TennCare program. But Haslam has said no, explaining:
GOV. BILL HASLAM, R-TN (3/13/2013): A lot of people say, "Hey, that's an easy call. Just expand three years 100% and then walk away at that point in time." I don't think you can easily walk away.
No. Do you know how heartbreaking it is to tell someone they're no longer getting health care? It's so much kinder to just tell them they're never getting health care.
Besides, the governor is confident that Tennessee can go it alone, because Tennessee already has great plans for getting affordable health care to those who need it, with a health care lottery.
You see, twice a year, residents in Tennessee who have high medical bills, and who would not be eligible for TennCare "can call a state phone line and request an application". But they need to do it quick, because "the line shuts down after 2,500 calls, typically within an hour". Yes, for one hour, twice a year, a few lucky people are allowed to live. And I believe we've got some footage.
(audience cheering)
And don't forget folks, please, spay or neuter your poor.
Now, since the phone line is open for only an hour, would-be applicants are encouraged "to use multiple phones and to dial and dial and dial". Yes, keep calling, and if you do get through, make sure you shout, "Tennessee TennCare has all the health care hits", and you'll win two tickets to see your dermatologist, live at the Bourbon Blues and Boogie Bar.
Of course, if you miss the window to call in, don't worry. You can still get medical assistance by speaking to Nurse Brandy for only $2.99 a minute. She's very thorough. And it is a self-exam. (audience cheering and applause)
Nation, I gotta tell you, I love this health care lottery. It finally adds some suspense to that old, boring question, "Will I see tomorrow?" We should do this everywhere. Every state can introduce something different. Maybe a new line of scratch-off surgery tickets, OK? It's fun, OK, let's see what we got here. (scratches off surgery ticket) Collapsed lung, collapsed lung... blocked artery! Damn! (the Price Is Right sad trombone failure music plays)
Well, better luck next time. If there is one.
And to cover the skyrocketing drug costs, why don't we put up a prescription booth?
Just grab as many as you can in 30 seconds. Who knows? One of them might cure you. And the others might get you high. (audience cheering and applause)
Now, will these health care lotteries help everyone? No. But if you don't get the care you need, there is a backup plan. You'll automatically be entered into a different lottery. If you get the black dot, all your problems are over.
We'll be right back.
Stephen also looked at the latest in
Easter under attack.
He then looked at
how Utah is celebrating Earth Day by talking about... how important oil is in our lives.
Meanwhile, Jon
called out Egyptian president Mohamed Morsi for
threatening to arrest Egypt's version of Jon Stewart, satirist Bassem Youssef.
John Oliver then looked at the latest in gun nuttery
in Arizona, where a gun rights activist says the real victims of gun violence are... the guns.
Stephen talked with actress
Sigourney Weaver, and Jon talked with author
Mary Roach, which went long. Here's the entire unedited interview in two parts.
Part 1
Part 2
