An essay by Paul Graham on how to disagree is summarized visually by this pyramid:
Where does your comment fit into this pyramid?
Take a moment to read each level. Perhaps examples will spontaneously float into your mind as you consider them. Since using any contemporary disagreement here would be inflammatory, here are some examples from the notorious
pie fight debacle, with examples starting at the bottom of the pyramid:
Name-calling
Bullshit!
Go buy a burka
May you enjoy your testosterone free world.
Ad hominem
Are you male or female? I'm suspecting male, or it wouldn't be that easy for you to take your position
it couldn't have possibly required a single brain cell to type.
that certain class of white women who lunch
Responding to tone
You're not being very positive, are you?
Isn't it amazing how angry some people get over what they say is a waste of time and diary space?
Contradiction
Well, I think it's wrong.
Counter-argument
I don't think that we would see an ad here about a "hilarious" video that was about cartoon Latino gang members shooting each other. Or promoting a "fun" new video game hunting outlaw "niggers" to lynch them up.
More extreme, yes - and therefore more easily recognizable, and repugnant. But any stereotype no matter how mild that objectifies a group that is not white, male and straight is offensive, and perpetuates second class citizenship.
I don't have the stamina to find good examples of
Refutation or
Refuting the central point in the pie fights, but that's not where the current problems lie.
Stop and think for a moment. All the effective discussion, all the creative work, all the persuasion, all the meaty arguments, everything that is worthwhile about this place happens in the top three levels. At the lower levels, no positive good is done and the lower you go the more harm is done. Ideally all of us would like to see the discussions here happening at the top three levels of disagreement. We would all learn more, we would all waste less time, we would have a stronger sense of community while trying to take the country forward. What can be done? If you think this is worthwhile, follow me over the fleur de kos.
First and foremost among the useful strategies is self-awareness. For the next ten or twenty comments you write, take a look at the pyramid and ask yourself where your comment lies on it. If the comment is not in the top three levels either edit it or delete. If, as often happens around here, 80% of the comment is meaty and good and worthwhile but you closed with a zinger of an insult, delete the zinger.
I'm not saying "Don't write angry or insulting comments!" I'm suggesting that the discussions will be more fruitful if you delete them instead of posting them. There is also some evidence that vocal expressions of anger actually increase anger levels but that's a discussion for another day.
Second recommend the good stuff. When you see comments that are on the top three levels leave a recommend, especially if the comment is from someone you often disagree with or a position you don't hold yourself. Recommend the quality of arguments, as well as the lyrical expression of them or the vivid imagery. Psychologists have known for a long time that you get more of what you reward.
Third save the hide rates for what truly needs to be hidden. Most of the comments on the lower four levels need no answer. If you feel an answer is needed, point out why the argument is weak; don't reply in kind.
Finally, remember Hanlon's corollary: Never attribute to malice what can be explained by ignorance or incompetence. Extend civility; there will be more all round if you do. If someone successfully refutes your argument, thank them - you are now wiser than you were before.
