Last night, Bill Maher took New York City mayor Bill de Blasio (D) to task for his own version of slut-shaming.
And finally, New Rule: if polls show we now live in an America that can accept gay marriage and legal marijuana, it's time we knocked over the next social domino — Puritanism. Especially as it pertains to our elected leaders. Let's stop being a nation of grad school prudes about adult consensual sex, and accept that politicians aren't Boy Scouts. That's just a costume they wear on Grindr. (audience laughter)
Now for the last month, France has made headlines around the world because the boring guy they elected President last year turns out to be not so boring. President François Hollande never married the mother of his four children, who he broke up with a few years ago for a younger woman, who herself has now been dumped for an actress — a move the French refer to as Le Gingrich. (audience laughter and applause)
But as always, the French just shrug and go back to eating snails. Overwhelmingly, they say it's none of their business, and hasn't changed their opinion of Hollande. Why is everyone in the Western world better about sex than America?
Last weekend, in the middle of his zany sex farce, President Hollande dropped in on a new European neighbor who just moved in to the palace down the street. A guy you might expect to be all holier than thou. But Pope Francis was totally cool about it.
Look at the two of them. It's like, "Duuuuude." "Duuuuude."
Now contrast that to New York City, where a woman named Lis Smith, who ran Mayor Bill de Blasio's communications department in last year's campaign, was all set to take over the job she earned as his top spokesman, but then didn't, because the tabloids found out something about her. Was it that she lied on her résumé? Or accepted gifts from a lobbyist? Injected Alex Rodriguez with steroids? Nope. It's that she's dating Eliot Spitzer — America's evilest, horniest man. (audience laughter)
Which according to the New York Post, made her a "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
Because over there in Salem on the Hudson, apparently we're not just rooting out adulterers now, we're rooting out anyone who dates them. The Post righteously demanded that Mayor de Blasio dump her. And he did just that!
So I would like to ask, what exactly is the sin here? She's an adult in a consensual relationship with another adult, who's in the process of divorcing his spouse. What business do we have, telling her who she can date? This is the country that marries people off on reality shows!
You know, there's all this self-congratulation on the left these days for gay tolerance. Acceptance of gays is the new having a black friend! (audience laughter and applause) But when liberals say — and rightly so — that everyone should be allowed to love who they want, that doesn't include these two?
You know, Republicans are getting a lot of flak these days — as they should — for waging a war on women. But what's the excuse of the country's most progressive mayor — a man so liberal he married a black lesbian?
I think the guy who wrote What's the Matter with Kansas? really should write What's the Matter with New York? Cuz I don't get it. How can this strain of Puritanism endure in the same city that pioneered the kinky Halloween parade?
It was bad enough when New York went all Rick Santorum on Eliot Spitzer to begin with. He's only the guy who arguably did more to reform Wall Street than any other American. Yeah, his libido got the best of him, and he paid dearly for it. A brilliant man was reduced to a punch line, and banished from public life. But now, anybody he touches has to go?
This isn't even a sex scandal. It's slut-shaming from the left. I think Lis Smith should hire John Edwards as her lawyer, and sue the new administration for sex discrimination. And then Edwards, Spitzer, Anthony Weiner, and Bill Clinton should get together with the ghosts of JFK, LBJ, FDR, Thomas Jefferson, and Martin Luther King, and form a new party — the Perverts with Principles Party. (wild audience cheering and applause) And then America should grow up!