Last night, Stephen Colbert looked at how Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) has now formally renounced his Canadian citizenship.
But come on, Senator, no piece of paper can wipe the Canada off you. I visited Toronto once 20 years ago, and every now and then, I still say "I'm sorry."
No, to become 100% American, Ted Cruz needs to do something radically un-Canadian. He needs to punch a moose, or pay for his own healthcare.
Video and full transcript below the fold.
It's no secret that I have always felt a deep connection with Texas Senator and Joe McCarthy tribute head Ted Cruz.
But there's one thing about Senator Cruz that bothers me. It's his name — Rafael Edward Cruz. It sounds kind of, you know, Canadian. And it turns out I have excellent Canadar.
6/11/2014:
MICHAELA PEREIRA: Senator Ted Cruz has renounced his Canadian citizenship. The Texas Republican was born north of the border, only to discover that he actually held dual citizenship last year.
HEATHER CHILDERS: Ted Cruz, now officially all-American, shedding his Canadian citizenship.
So, Tip of the Hat to Senator Cruz for his great show of patriotism. If you ask me, there's nothing more American than not being from another country. (audience laughter) Which is why it is also so hard for me to give Ted Cruz a Wag of My Finger. Because the way Ted Cruz went about becoming a not-Canadian was so... Canadian. His Canadectomy was performed with a simple certificate of renunciation issued by the government.
A certificate just saying he's not Canadian. Hell, I got those! The printer in my office churns 'em out 24/7. I even got a 2-ply version in the bathroom.
But come on, Senator, no piece of paper can wipe the Canada off you. I visited Toronto once 20 years ago, and every now and then, I still say "I'm sorry."
No, to become 100% American, Ted Cruz needs to do something radically un-Canadian. He needs to punch a moose, or pay for his own healthcare. (audience laughter and applause)
And I can help, I can help. I'm here to help, because I am a trained Ludovico therapist. And I have administered Canadian deprogramming before. Jim?
(scenes of Canadian Mounties and Barenaked Ladies flash on movie screen to "A Clockwork Orange")
Now thanks to the conditioning, every time he hears Celine Dion, he becomes nauseous — like a true American.
Stephen also had an update about his
battle with Amazon.
He then had a Sport Report segment where he had on the German ambassador to the UN, Hans Beinholtz, to talk about our chances in the World Cup.
Meanwhile, Jon covered the latest hellhole that is Iraq with Jason Jones.
Jason Jones also filed a piece about those who wear Google Glass.
Stephen interviewed former Senator James Webb (D-VA), and Jon talked with actor Christopher Walken.
