I am a very new diarist, coming into my voice as a writer and learning tremendous amounts about myself and this online community everyday. After my post and the subsequent thread yesterday I realized that I may be wearing a little more armor than necessary. So first of all I want to thank everyone who has given me feedback of any kind, especially constructive criticisms and I also want to apologize to anyone that I may have unintentionally hurt.
That being said, I want to reiterate that this is not a newspaper. This is a diary. My diary. Although it happens to be public I am challenging myself to be as transparent and genuine as possible in my writings here. The goal for me is not only factual accuracy but also emotionally honest as well.
The way that I say something is not going to be exactly the way you would say it. It is my voice that I am working to discover and reclaim. I am not interested in assuming a mask of having more privilege or consciousness than I do today. Although that might be more beautiful to some and more comfortable to others, it would also be a lie. Discrediting an idea that I share on the basis of my lack of knowledge about particulars of this kind of forum strikes me as somewhat elitist. Being on the receiving end of this kind of thing has been helpful in catching the same behavior in myself toward friends who use different slang than I do or don't have the same academic background.
Please understand that my writing is a reflection of my life experiences, influences, privileges and disadvantages. I am not going to fake the perspective of a middle class White college graduate with good breeding and a dental plan. I am feral. I am not you. I am me and I intend to express myself, not the self you are most comfortable with. Believe me, if I wanted to do that I could. As a Black woman in the U.S. I was trained my whole life to make others comfortable.