His brain comes with front and rear crumple zones.
We have not named Louie Gohmert America's Dumbest Congressman over nothing. He works hard at
that title.
Rep. Louie Gohmert was an in-studio guest on the "Point Of View" radio program yesterday, where he went off on a bizarre tangent about Ancient Greece in trying to make the case that allowing gays to serve in the military "is not a good idea."
Oh dear God, Louie Gohmert is going to explain Ancient Greece to us. This is like watching one of those crash-test videos where they send the car hurdling toward a solid concrete wall at sixty miles an hour just to see what happens. He's picking up speed ...
"I've had people say, 'Hey, you know, there's nothing wrong with gays in the military. Look at the Greeks,'" he said. "Well, you know, they did have people come along who they loved that was the same sex and would give them massages before they went into battle. But you know what, it's a different kind of fighting, it's a different kind of war and if you're sitting around getting massages all day ready to go into a big, planned battle, then you're not going to last very long.
Now reaching 50 miles an hour ... 55 ... 60 ...
It's guerrilla fighting. You are going to be ultimately vulnerable to terrorism and if that's what you start doing in the military like the Greeks did ... as people have said, 'Louie, you have got to understand, you don't even know your history.' Oh yes I do. I know exactly. It's not a good idea."
Impact! The driver's side seat goes through the windshield! A tire is catapulted twenty feet into the air! A wayward door handle hurdles toward the small crowd of watching scientists, hitting one in the head and knocking him senseless! Oh, the vehicular carnage! Why did we even attempt this? What were we trying to prove?
All right, so let's sum up here. America's Dumbest Congressman says in today's modern fighting forces, if you allow gay people to join the Army and get pre-battle massages your forces are going to be vulnerable to terrorism ... because reasons ... and then gorilla fighters will come to steal all the bananas and America will fall. We're a little sketchy on the details because he just sort of trailed off there mid-thought.
And it's all because gay soldiers will want massages before shooting people.
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America's Dumbest Congressman, ladies and gentlemen. One of the five-hundred plus people in America who has the most say in writing the rules the rest of us will live by, because one single district in Texas hates the rest of us
just that much.
