From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Oh! More Things I Know:
Sunday is the five-year anniversary of the day Rush Limbaugh informed the world that he would gather his belongings and move to Costa Rica if the Affordable Care Act was the law of the land in five years.
My favorite part of Netanyahu's speech was when he blew up that balloon and started twisting it around and everyone thought he was making a balloon bomb but it turned out to be a wiener dog.
I also know this tribute by astronaut Terry Virts
taken from the Space Station is very cool.
The Maine lobster industry hauled in 124 million pounds last year. That sounds impressive until you realize they only caught three lobsters.
I hope Ron Paul's Social Security, Medicare, government pension and other socialist handouts are helping keep him out of poverty.
President Obama has been in office for 6 years and 1 month. The tea party crowd has "cared" about deficits for 6 years and 1 month.
Proof that America is an exceptional nation: Leonard Nimoy. Proof that Vulcan is an exceptional planet: Spock.
The only gun-cleaning accident I've ever had was the one time it shot my clothes full of holes during the spin cycle.
At the CPAC convention, Dr. Ben Carson secretly performed the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique on the rest of the Republican field. All he has to do now is sit back and wait for em to drop.
I wish I had put "See Glenn Greenwald onstage clutching an Oscar" on my bucket list because that would've been a fun one to cross off.
Full moon tonight. That means people are gonna be driving crazier than usual today.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, March 5, 2015
Note: Lawyers rush to scene after baker's man refuses to play gay pattycake on religious grounds. Film at 11.
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16 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til spring:
15
Days 'til the
Georgia Wing Fest:
16
Barrels of oil being produced in or imported to the U.S. every day for the last 43 days beyond the actual amount we're using:
1 million
Years since the U.S. has had so much oil in storage:
80
(Source: Energy Department)
Drop in Russian hotel room rates over the last year:
45%
(Source: FiveThirtyEight)
Percent of NBA viewers who are under 35, giving the organization one of the youngest fanbases of all sports:
43%
(Source: Nielsen Research)
Percent of the penalty David Petraeus deserves that
he actually got for jeopardizing the lives of our troops and our national security by showering state secrets onto his mistress's naked body after they'd run out of Fluffernutter during sexytime:
0.01%
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
In my more optimistic moments, I often see common ground between good liberals and right-wingers, especially those of the libertarian persuasion. When I hear right-wingers carry on about how the government tramples on people's rights, I think: "Great! New recruits for the ACLU!"
I submit to you that (aside from a disgusting chickening-out during the McCarthy era) the American Civil Liberties Union is the most consistent organizational champion of individual rights against the government in America. That's why it's always making itself wildly unpopular by defending the rights of fascists, Kluxers and horrible criminals — if the government can railroad any one of them, it can railroad any one of you.
---March 1997
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Labs are still the most popular breed in America, but not in New York City.
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CHEERS to Clash of the Governmental Branch Titans. Once upon a time, in a mad power grab, the Senate tried to take away President Obama's authority to approve or reject the Keystone XL pipeline by launching a fossil-fuel-drenched bill at Castle White House. But Obama was too quick for 'em, and hoisted his titanium VETO-brand deflector shield and flung it back. Enraged, the Senate summoned their Knights of the Veto Override to charge Castle White House and…well, it ended poorly for them. And the earth smiled as John Williams' Oscar-winning score swelled in the background. The End.
CHEERS to jumpin' back in with both feet. Yes!!! I'm a big fan of Joe Sestak and I'm happy to see he officially threw his Three-star admiral's cap in the ring yesterday from in front of Independence Hall. His mission: win the Democratic primary and then unseat that Republican rat Pat Toomey in the U.S. Senate:
Sestak's back!
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Dressed in white-and-gray high-top Reeboks, jeans and a bomber jacket, Sestak said he's running because he's disgusted with Washington politicians. "The largest deficit is not the debt---it's the trust deficit," said Sestak, a three-star admiral and a former Delaware County congressman. "We just don't trust politicians." …
The 2016 race will have national implications. Democrats see Toomey as one of the three or four most inviting targets in the country as they try to take back the Senate.
Sounds like he's been laying down some serious groundwork in the six years since he faced Toomey the first time. So that's good news. And I like his slogan: "More money in every bank account and a torpedo in every garage."
JEERS to contractual C&J obligations. I've put it off long enough, so here are a few thoughts on last weekend's CPAC (Conservatives Pouting At Clouds…I think) convention. Sorry to put you through this but I gotta park it in the archives:
• Rand Paul won the straw poll. I find that weird, because if his followers were proper libertarians, they would've all voted for themselves.
I'm not sure selling your team's
heads on pikes is a good idea
• Sean Hannity greeted the crowd this way: “I kinda have Fox X-ray vision, and I can see that some of you women, you don’t even know it yet, but you’re pregnant.” It was pretty scandalous---he totally stole that line from Bill O'Reilly without proper attribution.
• Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker said he was qualified to defeat ISIS because he'd boldly defeated an invasion by an army of union-supporting singing grandmas carrying protest signs. He said the fighting was so fierce that there were times he had to re-apply his hair gel twice in one day.
• As usual, every speaker exploded in rage over what a hopeless cesspool America is…and then closed their speeches with "God bless this exceptional nation of ours."
• How do you ensure that a surefire Obama birther joke will fall flat in a room full of birthers? Easy: have Rick Santorum deliver it.
On top of all that weirdness, Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson seemed to have a rather personal reason for declaring that
STDs are the "revenge of the hippies." Thus possibly explaining why he spent half the time at the lectern shouting,
"It burns!"
JEERS to humans behaving badly. On March 5, 1946, prompted by the shennanigans of Josef Stalin (who died on this date in 1953) in post-World War II Europe, Winston Churchill introduced the new "Iron Curtain" in a speech at Westminster College in Fulton, Missouri. Or, as Bed Bath & Beyond later called it, "our worst-selling curtain ever."
CHEERS and JEERS to previews of future warmth and butterflies and daffodils. Ahhhhh…blessed spring training begins, thank you Jesus. The 2013 World Champion and 2014 World Not Champion Boston Red Sox started swinging bats and throwing balls this week. The lowdown from The Boston Globe on their performance against two college teams Tuesday:
The Force Awakens....
The Sox were held to four hits in the first game but won on a walkoff error. Seven pitchers combined on a one-hitter and struck out 11 with two walks. The Sox won the second game with a run in the sixth inning. Jemile Weeks had a triple and scored on a two-out single by Blake Swihart. … The Sox [only] scored three runs and were 10 of 47 (.213) with two extra-base hits against two college teams using their secondary pitchers.
[
Sigh] Sounds like another "rebuilding year."
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Four years ago in C&J: March 5, 2011
CHEERS to the arrival of the banjo-strummin' cavalry. Always nice to have a living legend on your side in a labor dispute, and the latest to weigh in on the strange Madison times is a man who knows a thing or two about unions---folk singer Pete Seeger:
"Maybe the Republican governor, he's done us a favor by bringing the problem to national attention," the 91-year-old Seeger said in a telephone interview from his New York home. "It shows the whole country how much we need unions. We may end up thanking him." […] Seeger, who's been singing since the Great Depression and released a record in 1942 titled "Talking Union," said he was following the issue in Wisconsin.
"Without collective bargaining rights we'd be right back to primitive times," Seeger said.
Upon hearing the news, Governor Walker called Seeger's remarks outrageous and then drew a frowny face on his cave wall.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to my 2015 Christmas wish list (hat tip to Thinking Fella). I know it's only March, but I've got my present all picked out. This is it, Santa:
I'd like the model with the DVD player, if it's not too much trouble. Bless us all in this joyous season of GIVING BILLY THINGS BILLY WANTS.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Fisherman catches rare goblin shark in C&J kiddie pool
---ScienceRecorder
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