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Last Sunday, I devoted my Connect! Unite! Act! diary to mayoral candidate, Opal Covey.
After trick-or-treating last night, I flossed the candy corn from out my teeth and retired to my chambers where a specter named Opal Covey haunted my rest. I dreamed I had moved to Toledo, Ohio where she was recently elected mayor. I peed the bed.
Opal Covey (R), is a candidate running for the mayor's seat in Toledo, Ohio. Opal and God are tight and are in to to win it. Failing that, the city of Toledo will get kicked in the ass the likes we haven't seen since that little shower Katrina hit New Orleans. She was robbed of her righteous election in 2013 and she is speaking out about it loudly, mostly in tongues.
Opal has been a perennial candidate for the mayoral office for the past five election cycles. She is convinced that the last election was stolen from her by the powers that be. This has angered the baby Jesus and Opal is now vowing that unless the people of Toledo right this dastardly wrong, God will kidney-punch Toledo until hell won't have it.
Well, it has come to pass that Opal lost her election bid last night, insisting that the election was stolen out from underneath her once again. It's now time for Toledo to pay the piper. Duck and cover, Toledo. The end is nigh.
Also losing last night was incumbent Loudoun County Supervisor, Eugene Delgaudio of Virginia. Delgaudio's loss particularly delighted me. A comically loony and greedy bigot, Delgaudio also serves as the head of the designated hate group Public Advocate of the United States. Do to a statute of limitations law, he survived an ouster attempt last year for making staff members from his supervisor's office fundraise for PAUS on the tax payer's dime. Here is a sample of the type of fundraising campaigns Eugene is famous for.
One stormy night I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I’d heard something was up and wanted to see for myself.
As I rounded the final turn my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses.
Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined.
Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling.
My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press.
Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, “Delgaudio what are you doing here?” Dozens of men began moving toward me. I’d been recognized.
As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, “This time Delgaudio we can’t lose.”
Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.
You see, even though homosexuals are just 1% of the population, if every one sent a petition to Congress it would generate a tidal wave of two or three million petitions or more.
Hundreds of thousands of pro-homosexual petitions will soon flood Congress , and my friends in Congress tell me there’s virtually nothing on Capitol Hill from the tens of millions of Americans like you who oppose the radical Homosexual Agenda and the Gay Bill of Special Rights.
I made up my mind that night to write to you and as many other patriotic Americans as possible. To stop the Radical Homosexuals and protect traditional marriage there must be an immediate outpouring from folks like you.
I'm pretty certain that a pissed off God, after wiping Toledo off the map, is going to take a moment to head over to Virginia with his bag of fire and brimstone and avenge his worker bee Eugene before righteously hoofing it back to heaven. My thoughts are with you all.
Now, on to Tops!
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November 3, 2015
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