There have been whole array of these in the press. I've seen one running down the various theories of what Lucifer has been thought to look like, over history, and another that interviewed an exorcist as to what exactly could be done about it, if Ted Cruz was possessed by Lucifer, and so forth. Here's one interviewing a bonafide Satanist to ask the question: Could it be true? Could Ted Cruz really be Satan?
“I don’t think Boehner is necessarily saying that he actually thinks Cruz is a Satanist because I just don’t think he is thinking that hard about the issues,” Greaves added. “These are simple-minded people. Our situation in U.S. politics is much worse than you can imagine.”
The spokesman then proceeded to dump all over Ted Cruz, because nobody likes Ted Cruz.
This is all supremely silly, of course, although when you're a man running for president against a beet-colored human with a taste for ostentatious wealth, women as bathing-suit-wearing meat prizes, and a permanent sneer glued to his face and you are the one people are comparing to Satan you probably need to think about where you've gone wrong in life. More to the point, if Ted Cruz were the devil himself I think he'd be doing a lot better in the deep south. He'd certainly at least be able to wrangle a few more committee assignments.
As for this momentary spurt of stories pretending to take the Ted Cruz-Lucifer connection seriously for the sake o' a quick lark, I suspect we can chalk it up to two things. One, the political need to still have something to say about Ted Cruz for just a wee bit longer, until he finally gets his ass handed to him in the final states and can go the hell from whence he came, meaning the floor of the Senate.
And two, let's face it: Everybody loves dumping on Ted Cruz. He is loathed by his peers, by the press, by random people he shares elevators with, by spokesmen for Satanic temples, and if a tipsy no-longer-giving-a-damn John Boehner is going to give us as juicy a hook as calling Ted Cruz the devil himself then it's impossible to resist jumping aboard and riding that train for as many stops as it'll let us. It also distracts us from the strong likelihood that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac killer.
