Let’s go straight to the dictionary.
Full Definition of kangaroo court
- a mock court in which the principles of law and justice are disregarded or perverted
- a court characterized by irresponsible, unauthorized, or irregular status or procedures
- judgment or punishment given outside of legal procedure
Perverted justice. Irresponsible. Way outside any legal procedure. Hey, I know where to find one of those!
Apparently working on his “I have to show Donnie it’s not too late to pick me” speech, Christie sat beside his honey jar and thunk deeply. Just what could he do that would elevate a convention that had been all about fear, racism, and death into something greater? Something that captured those wonderful notes of hatred, anger, and revenge? What could he do that would show anyone casually tuning in, even for a moment, a tableau lifted straight from a fascist nightmare?
And then he got an idea. An awful idea. Chris Christie got a wonderful, awful idea.
In a horrifying scene that could have been penned by Rod Serling or Arthur Miller, the Man in the Slow Bridge decided to give everyone a show of Republican “justice.” Justice in which he got to fabricate any charge he liked against Hillary Clinton and hurl it out out to the crowd, who rewarded him with a bloodthirsty scream of "Guilty!" every time.
“We’re going to present the facts to you…Since the Justice Department refuses to allow you to render a verdict, I’m going to present a case now, on the facts, against Hillary Clinton,” Christie added, to chants of “Lock her up! Lock her up!”
That damn Justice Department. Always getting in the way of a good public lynching.
Of course, that’s just for now. If Donald Trump is elected, Chris Christie might well be named attorney general. This terrifying Volksgerichtshof on the Cuyahoga could be a shadow of things to come. It’s all too easy to imagine Christie playing this game for real, delivering his sneering charges to a stadium packed with enraged Trump followers.
Then “lock her up” will be the least of what’s being chanted. And Hillary will be only the first of the names on their list.
Christie’s polemic included events that began long before Clinton was in office, and events that took place after she was gone. It ranged from attacking a dictator, to not attacking a dictator fast enough. It ranged to anything he wanted.
Christie criticized Clinton, perplexingly, for her supposed friendliness toward Russia and claimed she was too nice to dictators, despite Trump’s history of saying flattering things about Vladimir Putin, doing business in Saudi Arabia, and singing the praises of the late Saddam Hussein.
Despite Chrstie’s frequent use of the word “facts” it was clear facts had nothing to do with his “case” against Hillary Clinton. His questions might well have included “does she float?” because the only answer in this witch hunt, no matter the question, was “guilty.”
Christie had honed his speaking style in Salem, 1692, and he opened by announcing that he had seen Goody Clinton with the Devil. (Well, to be fair, he did not literally say that Clinton was in league with Satan, but this restraint on his part was unnecessary, as a few minutes later Ben Carson did.)
The crowd lustily delivered on their end of the deal, its hatred swelling with each ugly call and response. The only difficulty was slotting in the demands for more guilt as the chants of “lock her up” grew longer.
Maybe that’s the only thing to be glad about. The crowd was content to merely imprison their political opponents. It didn’t call out for burning them at the stake.
Yet.
