Rick Wiles is a special kind of wackadoo. He has already renounced his citizenship over the issue of marriage equality, and he has wondered why he shouldn’t disrobe and pee on the floor of Target as a protest against their transgender-inclusive bathroom policy. If there is a God, He probably spends a lot of time making a pained squinty-face and hiding behind things whenever Rick Wiles speaks.
These Pokémon creatures are like digital cyber demons.
This is probably how a lot of family summer barbecue conversations with people’s grandparents will start this weekend. But like all great conversations, you must wait a little and listen for the sounds of cuckoo clocks in the background.
What if this technology were to get into the hands of Islamic jihadists, and Islamic jihadists have an app that shows them where Christians are located?
What if? I don’t know, Mr. Wiles, but please please please explain yourself to me.
Geographically.
Sorry I didn’t let you finish. Wiles and his radio partner—let’s call him “Captain Caveman”—begin discussing how there was a 40-year-old man who had been holding up his phone taking pictures, suspiciously, of their church building, and then a police officer told them that this man was just playing Pokémon GO. This is serious stuff. Connect the dots, people! Rick Wiles’ coworkers, one of whom is named “Doc” (which is sort of perfect), has a theory. This theory, if true, is sinister.
What if we find out that Pokémon GO is primarily—the demons are located inside of churches?
Holy. Moly. This leads Wiles and company to download Pokémon GO and look around their offices for “demons.” I am not lying to you. The idea that Wiles and his crew are walking about holding up their phones, looking for digital cyber demons, makes me laugh every time.
And lo and behold, there is the Trunews office, there’s the outline of our building … and inside the Trunews building was a virtual. Cyber. Demon.
This is serious breaking news. Serious like a heart attack serious. So Wiles’ worker “Edward” jumped in his vehicle and went around trying to figure out where these demons “congregate.” Hold on to your seats. Hug your loved ones. Kiss the velvet painting of Jesus you have in your living room and get ready for revelation.
When you drive around Vero Beach, Florida, with your Pokémon GO app open, are you telling me that the cyber demons, that have been placed by this game, in Vero Beach, that they are primarily located in Vero Beach churches?
Yes, the ones “Edward” found were in churches and hospitals … and malls. The end is near, y’all. It’s in Revelations chapter blah, verse meh:
Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it.
The earth and the heavens fled from his presence, and there was no place for them.
He was Pikachu!
Enjoy!