Percent of deadly terrorist attacks in the U.S. since 9/12/01 for which far-right extremist groups were responsible, according to the Cato Insititute: 73%

Increase in anti-Semitic incidents in the first 3 months of the Trump administration, according to CNN: 86%

Percent chance that Donald Trump admitted he didn't "know much about NATO" when he called NATO "obsolete": 100%

Estimated age of the oldest white oak tree in America, which is now being taken down after dying: 600 years

Percent chance that George Washington picnicked under the tree in Basking Ridge, NJ with Lafayette, according to legend: 100%

Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:

Sinners of Texas, unite! We have nothing to lose but our vices!

In case you hadn't noticed, our only governor, Goodhair Perry, is fixing to tax the bejeezus out of us. It's not as though the state's topers, gamblers and smokers aren't already putting in well more than our fair share. And do we get any recognition for it? Do we get any respect? We do not! All we get is a bunch of Baptists telling us we're going to hell. As we lift our heavy glasses in bars from El Paso to Corpus, as we puff poison into our lungs from Amarillo to Laredo, nobly sacrificing our health for the sake of better education, we are despised and scorned. If it weren't for sinners, this state would be broke already. Now the man wants to pile even more taxes on us. We have to draw the line somewhere: I want to make it clear that much as I support public education, I will not go to topless bars for the sake of the schoolchildren of Texas. [...]

They're not taxing sin. They're taxing addiction. Why don't they tax lust, greed and gluttony? Why don't they tax hypocrisy, venality and usury? Why don't they tax pollution, fraud, fat and idiots in public office? Mah fellow sinners, we need ourselves a lobby.

---April 2004

Puppy Pic of the Day: Epic woozle photobombs…

JEERS to the War on America. Let’s take a quick peek and see how the Trump administration is continuing its assault against all that is normal and good:

>> A new tax plan---"Voodoo economics on steroids" in the words of Rep. Ted Lieu (D-CA)---was unveiled yesterday (well, a few bullet points on a Post-It Note, which is what passes for intellectual rigor these days in the GOP) that would blow a huge hole in the deficit and shovel pallets of cash to the rich, including the corrupt Trump family. The poor and middle class will get crumbs but, hey, now getting screwed over every April is as easy as filling out a post card!

Dream on, King Donald the Nutjob.

>> Zombie Trumpcare 2.0 continues skulking around the countryside.This version bestows power on the states to get rid of pre-existing-condition protections, thus once again making that zit you got in high school suddenly disqualify you for your emergency tracheotomy. On the bright side, the Republican "bake sale provision" gives you the freedom to sell twice as many cookies and pies you normally would to pay for Nellie's lymphoma treatments and Grandma's diabetes. Now start rollin’ out that dough, slacker!

>> Trump announced that he wants a "full review" of Clinton-, Bush II- and Obama-era national monuments (aka the "massive federal land grab"---his words), hoping to shrink them so the frackers and coal drillers can come in and do that dirty doo-doo they do.

>> Hope you enjoyed your two years of net neutrality, because it's going bye…[buffering]… [buffering]…[buffering]…bye.

All of this---the upward wealth-redistribution of your money, destroying the popular aspects of the ACA, giving you less space in which to play, and bringing your internet speed to a crawl---is supposed to prop up Trump's approval rating as he teeters on the brink of Day 100. Yeah…that oughtta do it, Mr. 39 Percent. Heckuva job.

CHEERS to an opposing opinion. With regard to all of the above, I give you Mr. Pope the Francis---via a surprise TED talk yesterday---who has a few words for the pillager class:

"People's paths are riddled with suffering, as everything is centered around money and things, instead of people," he said.

“Your successor, Mr. Obama, he is...um...”
”Crazy, your Holiness.”
”Yes...Yes, uh...very crazy.”

"And often there is this habit, by people who call themselves 'respectable,' of not taking care of the others, thus leaving behind thousands of human beings, or entire populations, on the side of the road."

"Tenderness is not weakness; it is fortitude," Francis said."It is the path of solidarity, the path of humility. Please, allow me to say it loud and clear: The more powerful you are, the more your actions will have an impact on people, the more responsible you are to act humbly. If you don't, your power will ruin you, and you will ruin the other."

His lips to God's ears. (Or, to be more precise, God’s Hello Kitty phone.)

CHEERS to Coretta Scott King. Today is the 90th birthday of the late Mrs. MLK, Jr. Said she: "Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated." I guess that explains why I see so many Trumpbots walking around on crutches these days.

CHEERS to money in the bank. Did you see the sky open and hear the angels sing Sunday? Me neither, but "Tax Freedom Day"---the day on which Americans have earned enough to pay off their tax obligations for the year---came and went anyway. The next financial milestone arrives when Americans earn enough to pay off their credit card debts. "Plastic Freedom Day" will arrive on... [flip flip flip flip] ...the 23rd of never.

Steamroller — “Go ahead, Jill. Take my machine out for a spin. What could possibly go wrong?”
“Thanks, Mom!”

CHEERS to toting the tykes. Today is the 25th annual Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day. It's a time to show the kiddies how Mom and Dad's productivity gets cranked up to the max,while their paychecks do not. What fun! I believe I speak on behalf of the entire nation when I say to children of the military personnel who control our nukes: please don’t push any blinking red buttons or turn any keys today. Well, unless the code's been authenticated, of course, duh.

CHEERS to the cigar-chomper who saved the Union. Happy 195th birthday to “#18” Ulysses S. Grant, the larger-than-life general who helped win the Civil War and then spent 8 shaky years as a crony-loving president. But at least he had this going for him, which I love quoting every chance I get (from the book Rating the Presidents):

Kicked the Confederates’ ass. But apparently not hard enough.

[H]e kept his own religious values and practice to himself. In the larger view for the country, he believed in a strict separation of church and state, stating in his seventh annual message to Congress: "Declare church and state forever separate and distinct; but each free within their proper spheres."

Pay your respects here. He's buried in someone's tomb…I forget whose.

CHEERS to pigskin fever! Round 1 of the NFL draft is today. But don’t tell Ted Nugent. Anytime he hears the word "draft" he shits his pants.

Ten years ago in C&J: April 27, 2007

JEERS to the whiniest first lady in history. Laura Bush on the Iraq violence she sees on the teevee: "No one suffers more than their president and I do. ... And it's hard, it's absolutely hard!" She then added: "Garcon! Refresh my Perrier, it's gone tepid again." How does she muddle through the day...

And just one more…

CHEERS to swearing in class. Can't let today go by without noting one of the most awesome exchanges in senate committee hearing history. Seven years ago, during a grilling of Goldman Sachs executives, now-former Senator Carl Levin enshrined anew catchphrase into our national lexicon while quoting an internal email: "Boy, that was one shitty deal!" Relive the squirming of the bankster worm:

YouTube Video

Goldman Sachs made billions out of that scheme, by the way. And all we commoners got out of it was a new catchphrase that’s fun to say but worth about as much as a condo next to Chernobyl reactor #4. Now that’s a shitty deal.

Have a nice Thursday. Oh, and happy birthday to New Jersey Senator Cory Booker! I wish we could tell him that here in person, but he had to rush off to rescue Louie Gohmert from a tree. Again. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

It’s fitting that Bill in Portland Maine was booed in the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool on Tuesday but really, it’s time that he was booed off the world stage.

---Arwa Mahdawa, The Guardian