Mars ain’t the time or place to raise your kids. In fact, it’s cold as hell. Elton John may have solved this scientific quandary decades ago. In fact, the Rover Environmental Monitoring System pegged yesterday’s high at -8 degrees (F) with a low of -106 degrees (F). That’s a might nippy, even by Minnesota standards.
So it’s good that NASA has made an official announcement that it’s not using Mars to incubate a crop of child sex slaves.
Nasa does not have a colony of child sex slaves on Mars, it has been forced to confirm.
The space agency has looked to address claims made by a guest on Alex Jones's Infowars channel that it has kidnapped children and is holding them on Mars.
Obviously these sex slaves were being fed a diet of 100 percent pizza, to prepare them for the time when they were shipped to a secret warren of tunnels beneath Washington D.C., ready to be picked up by the first political insider putting in an order for “extra cheese.”
Donald Trump has frequently cited stories that were sourced from Infowars. Though it’s not clear whether this report was triggered by Trump asking if he could get a behind the scenes tour of the Marian facility (when you’re president, they let you do that). But it’s certainly an example of stories of secret lizard men and hidden evidence of aliens have become a big thing in Republican circles.
Republicans have become the party where climate change and Sandy Hook are fake, but Martian sex slaves, millions of illegal voters, Satanic control of the UN, and ordering children off a pizza menu are all real.