The New York Times interview with Donald Trump doesn’t just have slams on his attorney general, slaps at the former FBI director, and threats for the special counsel. It also contains educational material. It has … Trump History. Just think of it as drunk history but instead of alcohol, it comes with whatever it is that Trump takes. And it spans … centuries.
NAPOLEON
TRUMP: Well, Napoleon finished a little bit bad. But I asked that. So I asked the president, so what about Napoleon? He said: “No, no, no. What he did was incredible. He designed Paris.” [garbled] The street grid, the way they work, you know, the spokes. He did so many things even beyond. And his one problem is he didn’t go to Russia that night because he had extracurricular activities, and they froze to death.
Napoleon didn’t go to Russia “that night” because Napoleon hired some courtesans to perform a douche d'or using Louis XVI’s sheets. And by the time he got up and walked to Russia, everyone was dead.
Hitler
TRUMP: Same thing happened to Hitler. Not for that reason, though. Hitler wanted to consolidate. He was all set to walk in. But he wanted to consolidate, and it went and dropped to 35 degrees below zero, and that was the end of that army.
Hitler didn’t get the prostitutes and sheets. But his takeover bid for Russia Co. failed and he couldn’t finish that consolidation. In Trump’s mind, history is apparently about a week long, because all major events take no longer than a night.
Truman
TRUMP: For the time in office, five months and couple of weeks, I think I’ve done more than anyone else. They may have taken it as more than anyone else, period. But I’m talking about for my time. I heard that Harry Truman was first, and then we beat him.
He’s done more than anyone ever, including that guy who came before Truman. Who did just one or two things … probably in one night.
Nixon
TRUMP: And nothing was changed other than Richard Nixon came along. And when Nixon came along [inaudible] was pretty brutal, and out of courtesy, the F.B.I. started reporting to the Department of Justice. But there was nothing official, there was nothing from Congress. There was nothing — anything. But the F.B.I. person really reports directly to the president of the United States, which is interesting. You know, which is interesting.
Yes. It’s interesting … because the FBI person really doesn’t report directly to the president.
Hillary Clinton
TRUMP: She was opposing sanctions. She was totally opposed to any sanctions for Russia.
BAKER: When was that?
HABERMAN: Do you remember when that was? I don’t remember that.
TRUMP: I just saw it. I just saw it. She was opposed to sanctions, strongly opposed to sanctions on Russia.
Of course she was. That’s why she and Putin were such pals.