This thing with Rob Porter. I’ve been reading the diaries on it, I trust you all know what it’s about.
#MeToo will bring down men who abuse women sexually. There is talk about a backlash and la, la, la. Of course. It’s going to run it’s course. The pendulum was finally released, after centuries of being tied up on one side of the path. For whatever historical, anthropological, sociological reasons, men have had the upper hand over women for the longest time. I get it. Some cultures evolve faster in some ways. But at the end of 2017, the women in America said enough. And America listened. The silence was broken. Women will not be subjugated any longer. (Thanks tRump?)
So far this movement has focused primarily on sexual harassment and sexual assault. But yesterday we saw that physical abuse toward women, especially domestic abuse, is as serious, as prevalent, and has been as accepted as sexual abuse. (They are joined at the hip.) And there was a consequence.
I heard on Chris Hayes last night that one of Rob Porter’s ex-wives had been counseled by someone close to her not to report because it might damage his career, his very promising career. This is part of the shame and prison that battered women live in. They have to choose between their lives, and their lives. Stay and be afraid for your life, because it never gets better, it only gets worse. Or speak up and destroy your own world. With very, very few supporters.
#MeToo is for all women living in the shadows. Men, too. Children especially. When we come out of the shadows, we can look at the problems. We can deal with the shame, provide the support and the safety and try to address solutions.
It’s not about revenge. It’s about change. It’s about finding a better way to relate as equal humans. It’s about listening and trying to understand each other. It’s about healing. For the abused and the abusers.
Almost all abusers were once abused. This is a known fact. This does NOT mean that everyone who was abused will be an abuser. But it does increase the likelihood, so be aware. Ouch, huh? Also, more likely, you will marry an abuser if you were abused as a child or saw your mom abused. Also, likely, you will get help, and work really hard to change things, and stand up to your abuser, and break the cycle and spend your life helping people like yourself. But also likely your son will marry a woman who was abused as a girl. And so the cycle continues. Because...silence. Because...shame.
And that must end. The pendulum will swing back and forth, between over-reaction and not enough reaction (where it’s been for eons) but the binding cord is cut. The oppressed will no longer live in the shadows, in silence. Neither will frivolous accusations be tolerated. There will be a little push back. That’s okay. But we all know, even men know, that bad stuff has been going on between some men and some women for a long time; there are plenty of bodies in the water, lots of real skeletons in the closets. Most of the men who fall now, will deserve to fall.
And no General Kelly or Orin Hatch is going to convince us that a man who punches out his wife is A-OK as the United States of America White House staff secretary. Those days are over.
Domestic Abuse Hotline
Domestic Violence — National Hotlines & Resources
