… they compare them to women.
“He’s such a pussy.” Remember that one, with all its multitudinous variations? And the best argument I can remember so far; that pussy is just being used as a short form of pusillanimous, and is not sexist at all. Or that it simply means “sissy,” and that isn’t sexist, right? (Sorry, but no. Sissy=effeminate, [unless you’re saying it about a gurrl, when it’s just descriptive. /s])
Warning: Possible Triggers.
A couple of weeks ago several people including myself were discussing the flags we’d thrown at a prison rape “joke,” and somebody wondered, for the umpteenth time, why people kept doing them. It took me this long to come up with a title that wouldn’t immediately come up against internet filtering systems. Plus, I needed to be just that extra bit ticked off to start this.
More below the fold.
And when men (again — #notallmen) try to imagine the worst possible punishment they want to see inflicted on other men …
... they make prison rape jokes. They suggest that men should be treated like women, which is to say, raped. Made to feel less manly; i.e., womanish. It’s not only sexist, it’s homophobic, as well as calling for violence.
It’s possible that there have been prison rape jokes made here by women; there have not been, to my knowledge, any prison rape jokes made here about women. That subject doesn’t pose a threat to masculinity; it may even enhance it for some people — thus, not a subject for jokes.
Every day or so, we get a comment that uses female referents to insult men. Once or twice a week, we get somebody cracking wise about how they’re looking forward to some obnoxious politician getting raped when they finally get put in prison. And about four out of five times, the people making the comments are put out that anybody would question their right to say what they damn well please about it. Bringing up the Rules of the Road seems to make it worse, much of the time.
Last September, I did one of my better rants about violence in comments, and rape “jokes” were covered in the general mix. This time, I’m not feeling like ranting. I want to seriously challenge those men (and women) who use this type of language and metaphor to think about what they’re doing.
Or, more specifically, the linguistic setting they’re working from when they make these comments. Let’s call it The Language of Patriarchy. Of Masculine Dominance. Of — well, you can fill in the blanks.
It’s an odd thing; because we humans represent the world in symbols, then tend to think using the same symbols, and then translate the results of that thinking back into action, it largely follows that if we use symbols that describe a particular viewpoint, we are likely to wind up acting from that viewpoint, whether we wish to or not. And the brain’s response time is such that once the language is used, the process proceeds without intervention.
If your language assumes masculine positive/dominant versus feminine negative/submissive, it’s harder to come up with solutions that work to further equality between the sexes, since the symbolism carries with it all the inequality built into the original system. It’s possible, but it’s an uphill fight, and you may not even notice the problem unless you trip over your own logic.
Cheer up, there are ways around this.
Quit defending your words. Sounds simple, but it’s a total bitch to do. Yeah, that’s one of the ones I have problems with, even after years of carefully replacing it whenever I write here. Included to show my sympathy, such as it is. Watch the process, please.
- First reaction; oops, potentially sexist; try again
- Second try; it’s a pain in the ass to make this kind of correction. Hmm, could have homophobic reactions; try again
- Third try; it’s a pain to do this, especially when I’m on a roll with the conversation. Not quite enough.
- Fourth; it’s difficult, and irritating, to have to take the time to re-think the language.
If you’re watching closely, one of the things that’s happening here is that I’ve gone from a reaction to the problem that isn’t under my control, to one that is, or could be. Difficult and irritating I can deal with. It suggests that practice and attention will likely be helpful in dealing with the subject, and those are things I can work with. In contrast, the first three were at various levels of seeing the problem as something with its own autonomy, outside my ability to influence/control.
If you actually don’t want to see women (and men) through the blinders of our common Patriarchal language, take the time and effort to think of different ways to try to say what you mean. Don’t settle for a commonplace phrase; come up with something that will make you, and other people, think about what you’re trying to say, rather than only being able to react to it. Others may not thank you for it, especially if they didn’t want to go to the trouble either, but it’ll be fun (eventually), trust me. And you may get fewer flags out of it.
Oh, and it’s a useful process for any number of situations besides this one. Just not simple. Or easy.
