There’s a video going around that shows teenagers struggling to use a rotary dial telephone.
Hilarity ensues.
I was born in 1962. I remember rotary dial telephones. I also remember when we got our first “touch tone” phone sometime in the late 1960’s. Odds are pretty good that the parents of these teenagers were born after rotary phones had gone away.
So we’re talking 50-year-old technology here. That would be equivalent to a Baby Boomer in the 1960’s trying to use technology from let’s say 1915.
So how many Boomers here know how to hand-crank a Model T or shave with a straight razor?
I’m sure there’s a few, since we’re a pretty eclectic bunch, but I doubt very many.
I’d have to grow a beard before I tried to shave with a straight razor. I’ve been afraid of them ever since a three-fingered Air Force barber cut the heck out of me with one (true story).
Now I’m sure this is mostly harmless “Ha! Those kids aren’t so smart after all!” fun. Especially when the kids had to show their parents how to upload the video to the internet.
And let’s face it, a lot of that old tech just wasn’t that great. I really don’t lament the passing of computer punch-cards, Windows 95 or the Rochester Quadrajet. And eight-track tapes just plain sucked. Really, they did.
So I’ve compiled a partial list of things this 56-year-old person doesn’t know how to do and probably doesn’t need to know in the year 2018:
Things I can’t do:
Sail a 3-masted Clipper ship.
Drive a steam locomotive (although I really really want to).
Fly a tail-wheel aircraft (wish I could).
Hand-prop an aircraft. Looks dangerous. There’s probably a reason we invented electric starters.
Transmit a message via telegraph.
Hitch a team of horses to a plow/wagon/buggy (pick one).
Write a letter using a fountain pen.
Ride a “Penny-Farthing” bicycle (that’s the one with the big wheel in the front).
Fight with a sword-and-shield. I’d probably try to do it like the movies, which I’m sure are wrong.
Hunt with a spear.
Hunt period. Fine if that’s what you’re into, but we have farms now.
Drive a non-synchro manual gearbox.
Drive a Model T. All I know is a Model T has three pedals, none of which do what you think they do.
Now I do have some archaic skills in case you think I’m a hopeless “technology cripple”.
Things I can do (that you probably don’t need to):
Use a manual choke.
Know what a manual choke is.
Drive a manual shift, including the old “three on the tree”.
These are becoming an endangered species anyway.
Use a dwell meter and a timing light.
Adjust a Carter AFB carburetor.
Know what a Carter AFB carburetor is.
Know what a carburetor is period.
Work “the panel” of a Boeing 727.
Operate a water-injected J-57 turbojet.
Fly an NDB approach.
Fly on instruments using only needle-ball-airspeed. (Got bored in the T-38 one day and taught myself).
Fly a low-level using only clock-map-ground.
Use a circular slide-rule, which was called a “computer” back then.
Load and fire a muzzle-loading rifle or a cap-and-ball revolver.
Use a recurve bow (not well mind you).
Ride a horse (poorly). I tend to go along with Oscar Wilde when it comes to horses: “dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle”.
Tune up a 1973 Kawasaki three-cylinder street bike. Trust me, you don’t want one. They were scary.
Adjust the valves on an air-cooled VW Bug.
Fix the heater on an air-cooled VW Bug. Ha! Just kidding! A bug had no heater to speak of.
Use a typewriter, even though I don’t miss them.
Write a letter in cursive (very poorly). Seriously, I was the poster-child for word processors.
Manually set the exposure on the 35mm camera that is now gathering dust on my bookshelf.
Use a drafting table. Not sure anyone uses those any more.
Rake leaves. Rakes have been replaced by the gas-powered leaf blower. Because leaves are so heavy it takes an internal combustion engine to move them. I can do an entire rant on why I hate leaf blowers, and I will, just not today.
