Most of us have heard about Meetup, I bet. For the unaware, Meetup is an online platform that gives its user the opportunity to form a group or groups with other people around a common interest. Eight months ago, I created a support group for people who suffer with social anxiety and anxiety disorders. This was a decision I made because I struggle with the same conditions as my group members. I learn as much about myself as I do the others in attendance.
I recognize that some of my members likely find it challenging to attend, week in and week out, stuck as they are often are inside at home, afraid to venture outside. This creates a substantial impediment to consistent attendance in and of itself, but I’ve noticed the same phenomenon in other Meetup gatherings I’ve explored over time.
My group has 300 members, but before that comes across as bragging, many weeks we only draw three people when it comes time for face-to-face interaction on Saturday morning. Sometimes twice that number appears, but nothing beyond that. Members consistently RSVP, indicating that they’ll be there, and yet never show their face. No one, myself and my members, can understand why people are so flaky and uncommitted, but nevertheless, the results lead to disappointment all around.
Meetup, the company, has sought to bill itself as the vanguard of the “In Real Life” (IRL) grassroots movement. This is largely spin and fanciful. My experiences with group dynamics are, as I have said, often underwhelming when you boil it down. The company is making money, at least, since using the platform requires payment upfront. And, I know some people have made nominal headway in much the same way I have, though its limitations leave much to be desired.
All the worst qualities in internet-based communities are present: empty promises, sporadic attendance, and participation on one’s own terms only. I’ve seen some of them here on Kos, too, but not to the same extreme, thankfully. Through this site, I learned how to appeal to an audience the hard way, by challenging myself with every post. My Meetup group has been approached with the same dogged perseverance, but, let me tell you, it’s been a humbling exercise. And this is what is so confusing. Some groups are approached seriously by the casual inquirer. I assumed the same, preparing for committed membership with others willing to stick to it.
Instead, I’ve had to prune back my expectations greatly. My initial plans were to incorporate a workbook with weekly assignments assigned each meeting. But only one person actually bought it, though many tried to cheap out and save a paltry $10 by buying the online version instead. The pages of the online edition are different from old fashioned paper, and make it impossible to jot down answers and observations to the requested exercises as I intended. That said, I have completely bent myself double over time, no longer requiring the workbook be used, and I make it super easy for each interested party, e-mailing the latest weekly exercise days ahead to ensure maximum engagement.
Complaining aside, over the past eight months I have developed a small core group who tell me repeatedly how helpful the group is for them. This is precisely the reason why I continue. In some ways, I take the role of a teacher, regularly frustrated at lazy students, but delighting in those who get with the program and buy in to the lessons I offer each week. It’s early still, but I am routinely annoyed with those who are just kicking tires. We’ve had our share of one-time-only visitors, but I realize that goes around with the territory. Mostly I’m frustrated that I can’t get inside their heads.
This is not a casual and unequivocal putdown of Meetup. Its concept is compelling and appears to fill a void. But I want to emphasize that it shows the limitations of online organizing. Word of mouth is still much more successful. We know well that the Internet is an indispensable tool that is essential to our lives. But when it comes time for joining and participation, I have learned the hard way, it takes a compelling self-need to ensure maximum engagement.
For example, following my divorce, I went to a year-long support group for others also going through a truly traumatic experience. People came to stay. We became something of a family, rent together by the extreme stress and strain we had experienced. I made the assumption that my own group would display the same kind of lasting time commitment. I was gravely mistaken.
The same is true with weekly therapy from a licensed psychologist. Rather than pay a nominal and quite affordable co-pay, many people waste their money on frivolous things instead, which they quite irrationally justify for all sorts of reasons. Many people see nothing amiss with spending $5 a day on their Starbucks beverage of choice. It is deeply sad to me to see self-deception and cognitive dissonance on such a grand scale.
As I conclude, I use a religious metaphor, a parable of Jesus. Which seed are you? Where does your engagement in beneficial pursuits begin and end?
“Listen! Behold, a sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seed fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured it. Other seed fell on rocky ground, where it did not have much soil, and immediately it sprang up, since it had no depth of soil. And when the sun rose, it was scorched, and since it had no root, it withered away. Other seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no grain. And other seeds fell into good soil and produced grain, growing up and increasing and yielding thirtyfold and sixtyfold and a hundredfold.” And he said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.”