Well, actually, I started the process yesterday. But first, lemme ‘splain the why. Bear with me here …
I live on the Mississippi Gulf Coast, a few miles north of I-10, in a rural area on 5 acres. Towards the back part of my property is a little pond (more like a lilypad/frog/snake factory).
TheBigKahuna’s Lilypad/Frog/Snake Factory
A fair amount of wildlife either lives in/around or comes to visit my little pond, including geese, ducks, herons, turtles, frogs and, of course, snakes.
Canada Geese with 4 (5? They won’t be still long enough to count them!) goslings. The parents nest on the little island (upper right of photo) every year.
Indeterminate Ducks. Sorry for the long-distance photo … they didn’t like closeups.
I was raised and continue to live in a rural area. I’m not frightened of snakes. In fact, I’ll often capture them if they’re near the house, identify them and relocate them to the backside of my property. Having said that, though, I’m very aware that most snakebites occur when people antagonize (from the snake’s point of view) them.
This past Wednesday, while conducting a much-needed repair on our septic tank, the spousal unit and youngest son took the dogs for a walk around the pond.
Fenris, a.k.a., “Fenny-muh-Renny”
Tuiren (a.k.a. “Tu-Tu-Magoo”)
Spousal unit came rushing back to inform me that a BIG snake was down at the pond.
I do not as a general rule kill snakes as they serve an important ecological function. Venomous snakes native to my area (such as the Cottonmouth (a.k.a., “water moccasin”) and the Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake) however, represent a serious threat to the aforementioned canine pack, the feline herd (Scylla, Chimera, Yin, Yang), not to mention the humans who live here (two of which REFUSE to wear shoes while outside during nice weather).
Scylla (a.k.a. “KittyCow”)
Chimera (a.k.a., “Wicked Little Kitty Thing”)
Yin (a.k.a., “YinnyBug”)
Yang (a.k.a., “Yang-Yang Da Stewpit!”
Grabbing my trusty ditch blade from the shop,
I walk down to the far side of the pond to investigate and, sure enough, there is a 3-foot long snake floating at surface, belly-up, a couple of feet out. Puzzled as to why there’s a dead snake floating in the pond and wishing to identify it, I reach out with the ditch blade to pull it to shore.
That’s when the SECOND, VERY MUCH ALIVE, VERY MUCH LARGER snake, a Cottonmouth, suddenly materialized about a foot away from my feet and launched itself into the water to escape (sorry, no snake pics … I didn’t have my phone on me at the time and I didn’t think Mr. Moccasin was gonna stick around for a portrait). Being a man of action and experience, I immediately engaged in what author Patrick F. McManus described in A Fine and Pleasant Misery as the “Modified Stationary Panic”. Fortunately, no one else could hear the extremely unmanly high-pitched squeal of terror that accompanied the MSP.
After my heart rebooted and began beating again, I watched it swim away from shore. I recognized this particular snake as one I’d seen a couple of weeks earlier while cutting grass on the backside of the pond. Or at least his/her cousin.
Which brings me to purchasing a firearm.
As I noted above, I don’t like to kill things unless I consider it absolutely necessary. And, while juvenile venomous snakes can be just as, if not more, dangerous than adults, I can at least maintain a respectable distance using my ditch blade. Dealing with a large adult venomous snake, however, requires something with considerably more reach.
I’ve been on the face of this earth over 55 years and, until now, never once felt the need or desire to purchase a firearm. In the past, if I needed a firearm for “critter control”, I usually borrowed my mom’s .410. Given COVID19 and Momma’s poor health, borrowing wasn’t an option.
So, I visited our local Academy Sports store yesterday to purchase a .410 shotgun, seeking out the cheapest. I explained to the Academy Sports representative that, no, I didn’t need a 12 gauge shotgun, a pistol or an AR-15, but a small, single-shot .410.
Filling out an electronic version of the mandatory Firearms Transaction Record (Form 4473), I was struck by three things:
- Providing my ethnicity (Latino/Hispanic or not) was mandatory;
- Providing my race (American Indian or Alaska Native, Asian, Black or African American, Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander, White) was mandatory; and
- Providing my Social Security Number … was optional and only if I REALLY wanted to do so.
Again, note that the first two items were mandatory; the last was strictly optional.
I have to admit being baffled and a bit irritated that anyone purchasing a firearm MUST declare their race/ethnicity on Form 4473 … but the one thing that would facilitate doing the background check, the SSN, is completely optional. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Over? Perhaps someone more knowledgeable than me can explain why race/ethnicity is pertinent to conducting a background check for purposes of buying a gun but an SSN isn’t.
After providing the information (and correcting my address), the request was submitted … and I waited. After about 30 minutes, the Academy Sports representative said my background check was “delayed” and that they’d give me a call. Well, today, less than 24 hours later, they called, so I picked it up this evening. I’ve had plenty of other things to keep me busy and haven’t needed to avert any tyrannies or defend any freedoms so it’s all good.
To me, a gun is a tool and that is all it will ever be. To me, they’ve never been mystical objects of worship, fetishes or some kind of magic talismans that will somehow guarantee freedom/avert tyranny/______ (fill in the blank with the ridiculous ammosexual excuse of the day). I look askance upon those who speak in hushed reverence of the contents of their gun safe, their nonsensical bleatings and chest-pounding about how they should be allowed to carry in public because FREEDUMZ!!!!!! and other such absurdities.
Again, a gun is a tool. No more. No less. And to claim that it somehow represents the pinnacle of freedom in this country is, quite frankly, to perpetuate a lie.
So, what was the point of this, other than to share doggy & kitty pics? I suppose it was to ask why our federal government needs to know my ethnicity/race but not my SSN in order to conduct a background check. And to demonstrate that, despite the claims of the idiots (and, yes, I truly mean “idiots”) that their “sacred” Second Amendment rights are violated if they can’t IMMEDIATELY purchase a firearm, there was no harm, no foul in waiting a day.
[Edit/Update]: I appreciate the responses! I’m sorry I wasn’t available to answer most of your questions. I’ll try to catch up today.
