Who ever thought the postmaster general would become a lightning rod of controversy? I always pictured him sitting around eating Pepperidge Farm cookies and leafing through the Old Farmer’s Almanac to find out when he should plant his heirloom tomatoes. And if Louis DeJoy were drawing a salary to do that I doubt anyone would care. But he’s ruining a beloved government service while, almost certainly, attempting to swing the November election to the Angel of Death. And that can’t happen.
Normally I wouldn’t condone showing up at someone’s house early in the morning and making this kind of ruckus, but when that person is trying to kneecap the Postal Service and ratfuck the election—hey, it’s the least we can do.
Louis DeJoy, who looks like an early artist’s rendition of Grima Wormtongue from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, is fucking up the Post Office—most likely at the behest of Donald Trump, who has already admitted that he’s standing in the way of post office funding so that Americans’ mail-in ballots, which in Trump’s febrile, hamster-wheel of a head are somehow less legitimate than his own mail-in ballot, can’t be handled in the numbers they need to be during a deadly pandemic.
“Now they need that money in order to make the post office work, so it can take all of these millions and millions of ballots,” Trump recent told Fox Business Network’s Maria Bartiromo. “But if they don’t get those two items, that means you can’t have universal mail-in voting, because they’re not equipped to have it.”
And now the Postal Service is removing mail-sorting machines from processing facilities for some mysterious obvious reason.
So, yeah, ruining a corrupt alien’s Saturday morning is the least we can do.
Please proceed, noisy people.
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