From the Note Pad of Senator Susan Collins (R-ME)
Things I Shall Claim To Be Concerned About Today:
My party's war on the Affordable Care Act
My party’s war on the Postal Service
My party's war on Social Security
My party's war on Medicare
Continued…
The way my party is epically botching the pandemic response
The love that white supremacists have for my party
Alligators in the sewers
My party's denial of the human-caused climate crisis
My party’s war on women and people of color
My party's treasonous relationship with Russia
The fries I got with my lobster roll when I ordered slaw
My party's blurring of politics and religion
That recurring dream where I get swallowed by a giant jellyfish
My party's fanatical devotion to lying and gaslighting
The missing brooch I just sat on
The tone
— — —
Things I Shall Actually Be Concerned About Today:
My collapsing poll numbers and reelection chances
I think she should take a few decades off to sort this all out at the top of a mountain in Tibet. January 2021 would be the perfect time to start.
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, August 19, 2020
Note: Daily Kos cap-and-trade rules are now in effect: if you don't like the drink you have in your hand, cap it and trade it for someone else's. Trust me, it works. It works because it’s science.
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By the Numbers:
7 days!!!
Days 'til Women's Equality Day: 7
Voter preference for Biden-Harris and Trump-Pence, respectively, according to the new Washington Post/ABC News poll: 53%-41%
Percent of Republicans in the same poll who believe the coronavirus pandemic is completely or mostly under control: 90%
Pieces of first class mail processed by the U.S. Postal Service without batting an eye the week before Christmas last year: 2.5 billion
Estimated number of mail-in ballots expected this election year, which gaslighter Trump says the USPS can't handle: 150 million
Year the "no motto" Seated Liberty proof quarter was struck, making it the rarest quarter in U.S. history: 1866
Year the coin was stolen at gunpoint and recovered (in Maine), respectively: 1967, 2004
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 182 (including 5 plagues and 1 totally-predicted outbreak of mask-wearing zombies). Soul Protection Factor 20 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Stephen King's pooch is ready to endorse…
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CHEERS to hitting the halfway mark. Night 2 of the virtual Democratic convention was like Night 1: it was perfectly fine, with a youthful social-media vibe, some decent zingers, compelling videos, and more conservative allies (notably Cindy McCain and Colin Powell). Joe Biden was officially nominated by delegates reporting in during the roll call from their respective states and territories, and he happily accepted:
He'll give his acceptance speech tomorrow. The fun and righteous indignation continues tonight with another all-star lineup and a historic veep acceptance speech:
Sen. Elizabeth Warren
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
Wisconsin Gov. Tony Evers
Tonight.
New Mexico Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham
Former Rep. Gabby Giffords
Sen. Kamala Harris accepting the nomination for vice president
President Barack Obama
I’ll be watching with bells on. Followed shortly thereafter by various local church leaders pounding at the door demanding I put them back.
CHEERS to fierce ballot-to-ballot combat. Thanks to the convention media circus unleashed by those ruthless, ambitious, nasty, San Francisco values, socialist Demon Rats, yesterday's state primary races slid under the radar. Here's a quick summary I stayed up until 2am to complete for you people:
Wyoming The coyotes ate all the ballots so they'll have to do the election again. On the bright side, they also ate Liz Cheney.
Florida The alligators ate all the ballots, so they'll have to do the election again. On the bright side, they also ate Ron DeSantis.
No! He wants to eat your ballot!
Alaska The polar bears ate all the ballots, so they’ll have to do the election again. On the bright side, they also ate several Exxon-Mobil executives scouting locations for new drilling in ANWR.
Okay, okay, you got me. I didn’t pay attention to the primaries because I was out knocking back vodka and pecan highballs in a tree branch with the squirrels 'til 2am. Don’t judge me! Besides, it's the Daily Kos Elections team's job to sort all this bric-a-brac out, and they did their usual bang-up job here. Up next: a weird senatorial primary in Massachusetts on September 1 between progressive incumbent (and co-author of the Green New Deal) Ed Markey and challenger Joe Kennedy III that's turned oddly hostile. I'll definitely be paying attention to that race. Unless the squirrels invite me to poker night.
CHEERS to do-gooders of yore. As part of his 'War on Poverty,' President Lyndon Johnson signed the Economic Opportunity Act 56 years ago this week. It included funds for vocational training, loans to farmers and businessmen, establishment of a domestic version of the Peace Corps, and community action programs. Or, as modern-day Republicans call them: Ick, Blech, Yuck and Feh.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to today's edition of Whoops, Little Marco Probably Should've Kept His Mouf Shut. During Monday night's Democratic convention, Senator Marco Rubio took issue with Eva Longoria being chosen to help emcee the event. So he took to twitter to sarcastically voice his displeasure:
"Brilliant move! No one is more in touch with the challenges and obstacles faced by everyday Americans than actors and celebrities."
Yes. Republicans would never recruit actors or celebrities to speak out on issues. I mean, besides Jon Voight and Ted Nugent and James Woods and Kirk Cameron and Victoria Jackson and Clint Eastwood and Scott Baio and Dean Cain and Kid Rock and Kanye West and…oh yeah, and this guy:
"I did try and fuck her, she was married. I moved on her very heavily in fact I took her out furniture shopping. She wanted to get some furniture. I said I'll show you where they have some nice furniture. I moved on her like a bitch.
In-touch celebrity getting in touch with the challenges and obstacles faced by this everyday American. Right, Marco?
I couldn't get there and she was married. Then all-of-a-sudden I see her, she's now got the big phony tits and everything. She's totally changed her look. I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know I'm automatically attracted to beautiful... I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything."
—Celebrity Apprentice host Donald Trump
This has been today's edition of Whoops, Little Marco Probably Should've Kept His Mouf Shut.
CHEERS to the first frequent flyer. Today is Orville Wright's 149th birthday. He was the one at the controls in 1903 during the first heavier-than-air, machine-powered flight.
“What the hell, Wilbur? This in-flight movie sucks.” ”Sorry, bro. Gigli is all Blockbuster had.”
The trip was uncomfortable, expensive, delayed for hours, and the only free snacks were the ones he brought on board himself. Thanks to advances in technology, today's passengers enjoy air travel that's uncomfortable, expensive, delayed for hours, and the only free snacks we get are the ones we bring ourselves. But at least today we can get up and go pee.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 19, 2010
CHEERS to what I have to say about the Islamic community center that will be built in Lower Manhattan despite all the viciousness from Republicans who want to use it as a crude political wedge issue and make no mistake this supposed controversy was ginned up by Republicans who know damn well there's already a mosque near Ground Zero that they've had absolutely no problem with and in fact there has not been a huge outcry of condemnation from 9/11 families and after the new community center is built it will become a welcome part of the area and the Republicans will drop the issue like a hot potato having wrung all the cheap political points they could score out of it and will move on to ginning up the next "Big Controversy" that will also be a bunch of nothing pounced on by the old media because it's a shiny object that'll get people all riled up again: I have nothing to say about it.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to people with the greatest first name on the planet. 42nd President Bill Clinton turns 74 today. Some Clintonian fun facts:
✓ Clinton is one of 8 left-handed presidents. With lefty predecessors Bush I and Reagan, America was led by southpaw presidents from 1981 to 2001.
Buddy and Bubba. For all his flaws—and he has many—at least #42 has excellent taste in pets.
✓ In 1996, President Clinton became the first Democrat to be elected to a second term since Franklin Delano Roosevelt in 1936. (16 years later Obama became the second.)
✓ He’s the only president who’s a Rhodes Scholar.
✓ Clinton was 16 when he shook hands with President John F. Kennedy in 1963, just four months before Kennedy’s death. Clinton later said he “muscled” his way through the line to meet JFK at the Boys Nation event.
✓ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech so impressed a teenaged Clinton that he memorized the entire speech right after it was given.
In his negative column: DOMA, DADT, DLC, Monica, repeal of Glass-Steagall, questionable Jeffrey Epstein connection, NAFTA, and I hear he reed-synched his sax solo on Arsenio. In his plus column: charming, scary intelligent, beat Bush I, Dole, and Perot, humiliated Gingrich, made the economy hum, beat his McDonald's addiction, post-Oklahoma City bombing speech was empathy writ large, busy humanitarian, won the Bosnian campaign, tore Romney apart piece by robotic piece at the 2012 Charlotte Democratic convention, and showed up last night to do that Bubba thing he does so well. On the whole: a president whose camels deserve blessing. And regards to the missus.
Have a nice Wednesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“You can’t fix Bill in Portland Maine. You can’t even anticipate that degree of stupidity.”
—Peter Navarro
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