Quotable Big-D Convention, Part II
With the Trump cult ceremony underway (have they ripped a victim's beating heart from his chest yet, or do they save that for the grand finale?), this week we're starting off our C&Js with snippets of the eloquence, empathy, and brain-smarts on display at last week's brilliantly-staged Democratic show. Pour yourself some java and enjoy Part II…
"My mother taught me that service to others gives life purpose and meaning. And, oh, how I wish she were here tonight. But I know she’s looking down on me from above. I keep thinking about that 25-year-old Indian woman, all of five feet tall who gave birth to me at Kaiser Hospital in Oakland, California. On that day, she probably could have never imagined that I would be standing before you now and speaking these words: I accept your nomination for vice president of the United States of America."
—VP nominee Sen. Kamala Harris
"Tonight I’m thinking of the girls and boys who see themselves in America’s future because of Kamala Harris: a black woman, the daughter of Jamaican and Indian immigrants and our nominee for vice president. This is our country’s story, breaking down barriers and expanding the circle of possibility."
—Hillary Clinton
Continued...
"The day I was born, the idea of an 'out' candidate seeking any federal office at all was laughable. Yet earlier this year, I campaigned for the presidency often with my husband Chasten at my side, winning delegates to this very convention. Now I come to this convention proudly supporting Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, joining fellow Democrats who were squaring off in competition just a few months ago."
—Mayor Pete Buttigieg
"[Trump] is a guy that blames everyone for everything. He blames the city of Baltimore. He blames the country of Denmark. He blames the Prime Minister of Canada for cutting him out of the Canadian version of Home Alone 2. Who does that???"
—Sen. Amy Klobuchar
"This administration has shown it will tear our democracy down if that's what it takes to win. So we have to get busy building it up—by pouring all our effort into these 76 days, and by voting like never before for Joe and Kamala and candidates up and down the ticket, so that we leave no doubt about what this country we love stands for—today and for all our days to come."
—Barack Obama
"When Trump says he wants to make America great again, he's making a pretty good case for Joe Biden."
—Mike Bloomberg
"Joe supports raising the minimum wage to $15 an hour. This will give 40 million workers a pay raise, and push the wage scale up for everyone else. Joe will also make it easier for workers to join unions, create 12 weeks of paid family leave, fund universal pre-K for three- and four-year-olds, and make childcare affordable for millions of families. Joe will rebuild our crumbling infrastructure and fight the threat of climate change by transitioning us to 100% clean electricity over the next 15 years."
—Sen. Bernie Sanders
"One of the most important conversations I’ve had this entire campaign was with someone who was much too young to vote.
I met with six-year-old Gianna Floyd, the day before her daddy George Floyd was laid to rest. She’s an incredibly brave little girl, and I’ll never forget it: when I leaned down to speak to her, she looked in my eyes and she said, 'Daddy changed the world.' Her words burrowed deep into my heart. Maybe George Floyd’s murder was a breaking point. Maybe John Lewis's passing was the inspiration, but however it’s come to be, however it’s happened, America’s ready in John’s words to 'lay down the heavy burden of hate at last.' And then: the hard work of rooting out our systemic racism."
—Joe Biden
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, August 25, 2020
Note: Whoever switched the office tea service from Tetley to Salada, hear me now and believe me later: I will hunt you down to the ends of the earth and make you pay for your historic blunder. —Janet in Accounting
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By the Numbers:
10 weeks!!!
Weeks 'til the general election: 10
Percent chance that WHO says the Covid-19 pandemic is now being mostly driven by people in their 20s, 30s, and 40s: 100%
Percent of all registered voters polled by CBS News who believe America is better off now than 4 years ago: 35%
Percent of Republicans who believe America is better off now than 4 years ago, which is why the 35% number above seems so ridiculously high: 75%
Percent of Biden supporters polled by CBS News before and after the convention, respectively, who said they were primarily casting their vote against Trump: 49%, 42%
Percent who said before and after the convention, respectively, that they were primarily casting their vote for Biden: 29%, 38%
Amount someone paid for a Topps 2009 Bowman Chrome Draft Prospects Superfractor Mike Trout rookie baseball card numbered 1/1: $3.93 million
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Finally…...FINALLY.
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JEERS to Night 1. Here are the highlights of Monday's night's speeches and videos at the Republican National Convention. Okay, moving on…
CHEERS to indoor grilling. Here are all rational and legitimate answers that came out of postmaster Louis DeJoy's mouth at yesterday's House Oversight Committee hearings, where he was outed for clogging up the postal service in time to create chaos during the 2020 election. Okay, moving on…
JEERS to Quick-draw McFuckface. Here's a complete list of reasons why the trigger-happy Kenosha, Wisconsin police officer and his fellow badged abettors-in-blue shouldn’t spend a ton of years in prison for shooting an unarmed black man—Jacob Blake—in the back seven times in front of this three children. Okay, moving on…
JEERS to southern discomfort. Here are the positive overnight developments of major tropical storm Laura and hurricane Marco, which have been bullying their way through the Gulf of Mexico and are preparing to deliver a double-barrel blast to Louisiana and Texas. Okay, moving on…
JEERS to feeling the heat. Here are the positive overnight developments from the wildfires that are raging in the west, notably Colorado and California. Okay, moving on…
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to a complete list of today's excellent economic news. Okay, moving on…
CHEERS to welcome departures. Here are the highlights of Kellyanne Conway's tenure as senior White house adviser to President Trump before announcing she's leaving to spend more time with her family. Okay, moving on…
JEERS to Dr. Doofus. Here's a complete rundown of the scientific consensus concluding that President Trump's breathless announcement authorizing the use of convalescent plasma to treat COVID-19 patients is in any way a game-changer. Okay, moving on…
CHEERS to swingers for God. Here's the complete list of adequate, non-hypocritical excuses Jerry Falwell Jr.—the head of Liberty University, where chastity is mandatory and unerring adherence to strict Christian family values is sacred—has provided for ongoing lewd and lascivious behavior that included sex with his wife and the pool boy. Okay, moving on…
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 25, 2010
CHEERS to voices from below. Thirty-three miners in Chile are still trapped but say they're doing okay...17 frickin' days after a cave-in. Now they have to sit tight for up to—this isn’t a misprint—four months while rescue workers bore down (carefully!) to save them. Meanwhile the miners are able to receive food and supplies from above, and in return are sending up notes from below. The latest: "Filet mignon overcooked. Cabernet too oakey." Tough bunch
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the "Lion of the Senate." As time goes on, fewer and fewer of us 'Muricans will remember that Ted Kennedy owned that title for much of his 47-year career there. So I'll keep bringing it up, especially on his birthday and also today—the eleven-year anniversary of his passing from brain cancer at 77. Said President Obama at Ted's funeral:
"The world will long remember their son Edward as the heir to a weighty legacy; a champion for those who had none; the soul of the Democratic Party; and the lion of the United States Senate—a man who graces nearly 1,000 laws, and who penned more than 300 laws himself."
To mark the occasion, a couple snips of vintage Ted:
On the Iraq war: "There was no imminent threat. This was made up in Texas, announced in January to the Republican leadership that war was going to take place and was going to be good politically. This whole thing was a fraud."
On health care reform: "This is the cause of my life—new hope that we will break the old gridlock and guarantee that every American—North, South, East, West, young, old—will have decent, quality health care as a fundamental right and not a privilege."
And one of my favorite pics, from 2009 when Ted was one of Barack Obama’s biggest supporters. The grizzled veteran passing on wisdom to the newbie…
With approval in the high 50s, Obamacare is now more popular than ever, and I imagine that card-carrying 5-digit UID Kossack Ted would be pleased with the numbers, but also impatient to improve it and furious at Trump and his Republican death troopers for trying to gut it with such heartless ferocity. For the first 45 years of my life Ted Kennedy was always in Washington, "voice bellowing through the Senate chamber, face reddened, fist pounding the podium, a veritable force of nature" (Obama's words again). He was both a battering ram and a master of jiu jitsu. (Watch him tear into Donald Rumsfeld here.) And also a guy you'd never turn down having a beer with. Even though I'm not from Massachusetts, he still felt like "my" senator. His "vim ahnd vigah" are sorely missed. Cheers, Ted. And say hi to your brothers—they were pretty good, too.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“Look, I suspect that George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Mitt Romney would rather by waterboarded than be in the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool.”
—Ana Navarro
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