This is a story about the best dog ever, and why her passing early this morning hurts my heart so much. My wife and I met in law school in New Orleans back in 2006 and we started dating in January of 2007. In October of that year, she told me that she found a Craigslist posting listing a little Pomeranian-Chihuahua for adoption and that she was going to meet the person giving the dog up for adoption and have a home visit. Little did I know that single decision made in one single moment of time would end up bringing so much joy and happiness and right now heartbreak to our lives.
My wife instantly fell in love with this little furry critter, and the feeling was mutual. Gracie had just been spayed, so she was a little out of it, but still managed to snuggle right up to my wife. It was basically love at first sight. We weren’t living together or even engaged yet, and much to my eventual chagrin, I was skeptical about getting a dog. Luckily, my wife is smarter than I am and took Gracie in on the spot. Over the years this adorable, but yappy little mutt decided I was her number one human, and that made my life so much better.
When we moved in together the following year, we lived in a little one bedroom apartment a couple of blocks off St. Charles Avenue and Napoleon Avenue. The apartment was pretty run down, but as broke law school students it was all we could afford. At certain times of the year, termites would come swarming through our place and the three of us would have to turn off all the lights and huddle together in bed. Gracie would go jumping around the bed anytime one of the bugs flew by, she even managed to catch them sometimes.
I’m sure it comes as no surprise, but that apartment had really bad insulation so it would get cold in the winter months. One time it got particularly cold, and we saw that Gracie was shivering a little bit, so we spent some of the little money we had to buy her a cute little doggie sweater that would keep her warm. That was when we found out that she hated wearing clothes. When my wife slipped the sweater over Gracie’s head, our little furry one had this look of sheer dejection on her face. She jumped off the couch, walked a few feet away from us, and just sighed until we took the sweater off, at which point she made a miraculous recovery and started bouncing all over the apartment again.
In 2009 we moved to Houston to further our educational goals. So our little Cajun doggie was now a Texas doggie. It snowed just before our first Christmas in Houston. Our apartment had a little balcony, so we opened the door and let her out in the snow. She sniffed around for about five seconds before running back in with a look on her face like we’d stabbed her in the back by letting her outside. So that was the only time she played in the snow.
Fast forward a few years to 2013 and my world came screeching to a halt when my dad was diagnosed with the cancer that would ultimately take his life a little over a year later. Unfortunately his diagnosis also coincided with a lengthy bout of unemployment for me, and I feel into a terrible depression. I’m talking that paralyzing type of depression that sucks all joy out of your life and that leads you to think there’s never going to be anything positive in your future. Every morning I seriously contemplated just sleeping through the day because at least that way nothing else bad would happen right? But every single day that I fought that fight against my own thoughts, there was always this little fur ball who would nudge my side, lick my face, and run around the bed yapping until I got up to take care of her. Taking care of Gracie and spending time with her, receiving her unconditional and non-judgmental love day by day gave me something to look forward to and gradually with the help of my amazing wife and our precious fur baby, I was able to claw my way back from that dark place. Ever since that dark time, I’ve felt that Gracie helped save me from myself, and I couldn’t ever repay that debt. She helped me back to the path of being the husband my wife deserves and the son who my mother and my father needed during his illness.
We’ve had other setbacks and heartbreaks since then, and through every single time, both good and bad, Gracie was a source of love and joy and comfort to us. She was there through two heart wrenching miscarriages, other mental and physical health concerns, and continued difficulties with steady employment for me. The three of us rode out Hurricane Harvey together, we rode out heat waves, floods, and tropical storms together. The three of us were a family, and sometimes it seemed like it was us against the world
Last July, my wife and I had a baby boy. When I first saw him, my first words to him were “Your Mom and I waited so long to meet you.” My wife required an emergency c-section as she was in danger of having a stroke from a severe case of preeclampsia, so both Mommy and son had to be hospitalized for a almost a week.
Go back a few months before that though to April of last year, and our little fluff ball had been diagnosed with her third bout of cancer. Her first was a tumor on her tail that required an amputation in late 2017 followed by a clean bill of health. A few months later a small tumor popped up on her lung. Before her third bout with cancer, she’d actually been beating that lung tumor. Our vet said she had no idea how it was happening but the tumor on her lung was shrinking on its own. When we heard that we were elated. But this last time was different. This time she was diagnosed with lymphoma, and for a dog of her tiny size, the possible treatments were potentially deadly. So my wife and I made the absolutely gut wrenching decision to forego a potential surgical option or chemo and we decided to opt instead for a pain management option. We realized as tough and brave as our little one was, the right choice for her was quality of life over quantity of life. We owed her nothing less than that.
She was initially given a diagnosis of three or four months to live which would have meant that this little dog who meant the absolute world to us would never get to meet our son who we’d gone through so much heartache and pain to finally see. We thought that was the end of our story, but we were wrong. Not only did Gracie get to meet our son, but they got to spend over thirteen months together.
One of the most beautiful photos I’ll ever take. The first time our little ones met each other.
But in those thirteen months, my wife and I could tell that Gracie was starting to slow down. She’d lost a step, she wasn’t as playful or energetic as she’d once been. We knew that were going to have to have a discussion sooner rather than later about when to put Gracie to sleep. She deserved to have an end to any pain and suffering she was going through.
Last night though she just couldn’t get comfortable. She would sleep for a few minutes then get up and pace around. She was panting a lot and I knew that something was wrong. I stayed downstairs so I could keep an eye on her, and every 15 or 20 minutes I’d get up and give her pets and kisses and tell her how much we loved her. This morning, I had to go upstairs to feed our son, and at the top of the stairs I see a little Gracie poop halfway between our son’s room and our own. I don’t think anything of it at the time. I’ll just get it cleaned up after I get our son started on his breakfast. So I give our son his bottle and go to our room to see if she was there and to tell my wife about how Gracie wasn’t doing well. I got nervous when I didn’t see her up there, and when I went back downstairs I saw her curled up in a corner and when she didn’t respond to me calling her name or rubbing her head, my heart shattered. She was gone. Our little ball of joy and love that had lit up our lives for almost thirteen years was no longer here with us. I believe Gracie went upstairs to check on my wife and our son one last time to make sure that they were ok, and when she saw that they were, she thought that her job of protecting us was finally done, and she could take that final rest she so deserved.
My wife and I have both cried several times already, and I’ve teared up writing this. This is raw, this is painful, this is sharp as a knife. I know that someday I’ll be comforted by the fact that she isn’t in pain anymore, and she’s taking that rest she so wholly earned through her unconditional love and devotion to us. But today, today my heart just hurts. I want nothing more than to see her run up to me again, or cuddle up with her in bed, or get little stinky dog breath kisses just one more time. I’ve never hoped that the Rainbow Bridge is real more than I have today. We didn’t just lose the best dog ever, we lost a member of our family, we lost a huge source of light and love in our lives that we can’t ever replace.
But amidst all of our sadness and heartache, we’re remembering those funny stories we have about her, those cuddles and kisses and belly rubs, how our little nurse doggie was always there when we didn’t feel good, and our little guard dog made sure to protect us. We’re remembering the love we shared, and how our little Mama made our lives infinitely better. Gracie will always and forever have a special place in our family, in our hearts, and in our lives. No words can ever fully capture what she meant to us, but we’re eternally thankful and grateful that she came into our lives. I hope we get to see her again someday to give her all the love and affection she deserves.
Monday, Aug 31, 2020 · 5:17:28 PM +00:00 · Crazycab214
I have to be honest, I knew that our community here is generally supportive when a Kossack is in trouble or in pain, but I had no idea just how supportive. My wife and I wanted to say thanks from the bottoms of our still aching hearts. We can take our beautiful memories of fur baby, and the love and support you’ve all shown us, as we start taking those first steps towards healing the pain we’re experiencing right now. Thank you all so much.
If you can, please consider making a donation to a reputable organization combating pet cancer and providing financial assistance to families unable to provide treatment for their beloved fur babies like one of the following:
Pet Cancer Fund
The Animal Cancer Foundation
The Magic Bullet Fund
