Why is it that the most common trait shared among prominent powerful republicans is repulsiveness? Cruz, Paul, McConnell, Jordan, Meadows, Nunes, Graham, Collins (GA), Scott (FL), DeSantis, Kemp, Giuliani and, of course, tRump are all obnoxious to the point of it being cartoonish. These are people whose simple presence can send a kid’s birthday party into rivers of tears. Serial killers have better social skills.
They spit and snarl, stomp and strut, never displaying an ounce of humanity. Why? Do they share some obscure undiscovered genetic mutation that drives them to dishonor before dignity? Is their sole purpose in the grand scheme of things confined to spreading misery? Is cruelty their way to compensate for chronic sexual inadequacies?
Without more research, we can’t answer any of these questions (except a clear yes to the last one). We just don’t have enough data.
That’s why we, at the NNNE Institute for the Betterment of Mankind, are announcing a new initiative: Donate Unused Republican Brains to Science
Our scientists are telling us the easiest way for them to determine if there is a physiological component to chronic tRumpist personality disorder is through brain vivisection. Research involving deceased football players led to the advances made in the study of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) and its relationship to concussions. Our current working hypothesis is that repeated exposure and acceptance of circular reasoning, ridiculous conspiracy theories, institutional hypocrisy, and incoherent justifications for logically inconsistent actions have led to irreversible brain decay. Additionally, the vibrations associated with increased head shaking from individually trying to resolve cognitive dissonance are likely to be exacerbating the decay.
We are not advocating euthanizing tRumpists. They have shown themselves to be perfectly capable of performing all the duties of tRumpism without possessing any brains whatsoever — just look at Louis Gohmert. His brain atrophied into a puddle of hot bile and was reabsorbed into his lymphatic system years ago. He’s still a nearly perfect republican. He toes the party line on all issues, makes just as much sense as any of them, and doesn’t pay any attention to the world around himself.
Those tRumpist politicians who still have at least vestigial brains aren’t using them for anything, except possibly as counterweights to keep their heads from flopping forward onto their necks. They won’t miss them. It would be a negligible loss and possibly go a long way to ending the scourge of tRumpism forever.
Of course, there’s a problem. Republicans are notoriously loath to do anything to help science. We are afraid we will need to use subterfuge to convince tRumpists to participate. We think if we are able to convince Jacob Wohl that the effort will help tRump win re-election, he’ll be able to get a lot of republicans to donate. However, Mr Wohl has managed to fail almost as much as tRump himself. That’s why we are asking for your help. What should we be telling the McSally’s and Tillis’s of the world to get them to give us what’s left of their tiny atrophied brains?
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