I looked at the local paper, the Peoria Journal Star. I am a digital subscriber. My neighbor had told me I read your obituary today, but you look healthy. I told him, I tried not to read the obituaries. If I was in the paper; I didn’t want to know. Occasionally, I do read the Obits in the Chicago Sun Times some very interesting people. I’m not going to be written up in the Sun Times if I die. If I wasn’t on a walk, I wouldn’t have known my obit was in the local paper. We all see, hear, or are faced by death.
This is what we do, a friend dies, we read of someone dying who is our own age or younger, we hear about Covid-19 deaths of active healthy people; we read, but we move on. We try not to dwell on the fragility of life, the certainty of death. We fill our lives with motion, stress, and fears. We fail to live authentically. We chase the illusion of desires we are sold to desire.
But today Steve Davis died. I suppose a Steve Davis dies every day somewhere, it is such a common name. This man I did not know, he grew up in Peoria. He worked in Peoria and at some time moved to Florida. At sixty-one he was seven years younger than I am. I am a farm boy from Forgottonia, but now live nearer Peoria. Steve Davis’ obit when it is me; what would it be? If I was still walking, reflecting, after I had died, in some dimensional plane, what essential moments would I carry. What must my life include to have been worthwhile?
Hiking at Chaco Canyon
What choices should my life include going forward? My failures have spun me off course many times in my life. Experience teaches but still carries with it scars. I remain ill at ease with people. I am a socially affable introvert. People see me as a welcoming, talk to anyone type. In reality, I am happy to be alone and live in the silent soul of my own thoughts. My mental focus is often inward, it causes me to be less aware of my interactions with people. I rather awkwardly become aware people are talking to me or expecting a response. I may be described as absent minded, would they put that in my obituary?
Covid-19 has disrupted my fitness habits of the past eight years. I miss the gym. I miss my camping, hiking, associated history tours (Civil War battlefields, Native American sites). I possess health and fitness in a degree far superior to many. I possess a gift; I should expend it wisely. The lifespan I have before me needs to be lived meaningfully. If Covid continues, I need to find a new habit of exercise.
I have tried but not succeeded in moving humanity to a higher plane. My visons of improving America and the planet are fractured dreams. I am at a loss for effecting reform. Aren’t we all?
Why isn’t the Democratic Party capable of creating a web interface that connects and empowers people. As effective as Amazon without killing any warehouse workers. If connected instead of operating in fractured groups, we could tackle climate like the existential threat it is. We could organize and make practical use of the many people looking for ways to contribute their time. We could debate real solutions to our real problems. All organizations seek to survive as they have in the past, new roads are untested and frightening. We need unity not the many separate groups.
James
I have a great family. I have been loving and generous, because I have been overwhelmed with love and generosity. I am not a man finding himself broken, isolated, and filled with regret. I have regrets. I wish I had been less socially awkward. I wish I had written the right note, offered the proper words of comfort, been able to deliver the appropriate quip with the appropriate timing. I wouldn’t trade my genuine caring for a witty and popular me. My business ventures often long on helping people were low on making money, but it suits me. I would not want mega-wealth for the loss of a loving family. I am far from being poor, and I wouldn’t trade my lot for poverty either – maybe I am not a true follower of Jesus. I will continue to live a good life. I have a grandchild; James is fourteen months. I have people to care for. Occasionally I humor or amuse people with my quips and writings. I will have a good life.
I would like to see change and help live in a healthy world. I want to see people empowered. American aspirations need restored as our ideals for the more perfect union. When I do die; I hope those with memories of me can smile and feel I was worth knowing.
I wrote a novel during the sheltering time, sacrificing fitness for words. – Null Stillness – it offers a renewal found in the land itself. The Pdf can be downloaded — what else can we do until January?
Lincoln’s New Salem
Null Stillness - A return to the land to restore a barren soul
