My God
To think I voted for him. Twice...
I feel like such a sucker.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, September 10, 2020
Note: NFL season starts today as the Texans play the Chiefs. I believe that's your cue to start tap dancing with sparklers. Or something.
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By the Numbers:
8 days!!!
Days 'til the start of Rosh Hashanah: 8
Percent of eligible Californians now registered to vote: 83%
The last year the rate was that high: 1940
Increase in Iowa farm bankruptcies as a result of Trump’s trade war with China: 140%
Current John Cornyn (R-inc.)-MJ Hegar (D) matchup numbers in the U.S. Senate race in Texas, via PPP polling: 44%-40%
Senior support in Florida for Trump and Hillary Clinton, respectively, in 2016: 57%-40%
Current Trump-Biden support among Florida seniors, per NBC News: 48%-49%
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
I have just returned from a New Age spa. I am in harmony and in balance, I am integrated, in touch with Father Sky and Mother Earth, living in the now and open to the universe.
I went to get in touch with my body. High damn time, too. My body and I have not been on speaking terms for years. "Listen to your body," they kept telling us, "listen to your body." My body just rolled along like Old Man River, he don't say nothin'.
Finally, on the fourth day, I said to it, "Body," I said, "how'd you like to go to the Vigorous Toning with Resistance Class at 9 A.M.?"
Clear as a bell, my body answered, "Listen, bitch, do it and you die." Great. I'm finally in touch with my body and it turns out to have the personality of an unpleasant Mafioso.
—August 1990
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Not quite stealth invader…
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CHEERS to today's top story: The Trump campaign is broke. And besides that, it's also running out of money. Ba-dum!
JEERS to bumps in the road. Dammit—the researchers at Oxford were proceeding so smoothly on developing a vaccine against Covid-19, and then they ran into a snag:
Clinical trials for the University of Oxford's COVID-19 vaccine have been put on hold, drug maker AstraZeneca said Tuesday.
The lunch room at a vaccine place.
"Our standard review process was triggered and we voluntarily paused vaccination to allow review of safety data by an independent committee," the company said in a statement. "This is a routine action which has to happen whenever there is a potentially unexplained illness in one of the trials, while it is investigated, ensuring we maintain the integrity of the trials." … NBC News has confirmed that the pause has affected trial sites in the U.S.
Just a precaution, they say. As for what happens next, the research teams have outlined an urgent course of action. They say they’ll work on parallel tracks to get the vaccine trials back on schedule while simultaneously developing an antidote for the subjects who are now walking around with squid heads.
JEERS to a very bad bench warmer. Twenty-eight years ago today, the Senate Judiciary Committee opened hearings on the nomination of Clarence Thomas to the Supreme Court. He was, of course, the first porn addict to be elevated to the nation's highest bench. And that's what I love about this country—our commitment to diversity.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to the troop-screwer-in-chief. Not content with disparaging his generals in public or calling wounded and killed servicemembers "losers" and "suckers," impeached Republican President Trump is now punking our Armed Forces where they can least afford it: their wallet…
Under a presidential memorandum issued by the Trump administration,tens of thousands of service members and Defense Department civilians will get a tax break beginning this month as part of efforts to boost the economy during the COVID-19 pandemic. But while these men and women will see larger paychecks for now, they will have to pay all the money back in 2021.
Bet they never prepared for a surprise attack from the IRS during basic training.
“This will be a huge problem to young military families,” retired Army Gen. Barry McCaffrey said. “They will by human nature spend the apparent pay raise and then get kicked in the chops when they get several months-worth of double withholding. … A transparent, stupid election year move."
Does Trump know any other kind?
CHEERS to the leader of Arnie's Army. Happy 91st birthday to the late Arnold Palmer, born in Latrobe, Pennsylvania in 1929. He won 4 Masters championships, a U.S. Open, and 2 British Opens. But that don't mean squat compared to his greatest achievement: being a shining example of the gentleman competitor. Before he died in 2016, Arnie figured out that Donald Trump, with whom he'd crossed paths a few times at golfing events, was a big jerk. According to his daughter…
"My dad had no patience for people who demean other people in public. He had no patience for people who are dishonest and cheat. My dad was disciplined. He wanted to be a good role model. He was appalled by Trump's lack of civility and what he began to see as Trump's lack of character."
Happy Birthday, Arnie.
"One moment stands out in my mind," Peg recounted. "My dad and I were at home in Latrobe. He died in September, so this was before the election. The television was on. Trump was talking. And my dad made a sound of disgust—like 'uck' or 'ugg'—like he couldn't believe the arrogance and crudeness of this man who was the nominee of the political party that he believed in. … What would my dad think of Donald Trump today? I think he'd cringe."
Arnie was part of the nearly-extinct species known as the "Country Club Republican." In today's GOP, that's barely a notch above "bleeding-heart liberal."
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Ten years ago in C&J: September 10, 2010
CHEERS??? JEERS??? to up being down. Let me get this, um, straight: a group of Republicans convinced a federal judge in California to rule that the military's “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy is unconstitutional and should cease to exist. And immediately afterward the decision is hailed by none other than the right-wing National Organization for Marriage. But...but...NOM is certifiably batshit nutzoid and wouldn’t know reality if it hit 'em in the face with a frying pan. Meanwhile the Obama Justice Department will likely appeal the ruling with all the fervor of a runaway freight train. This just proves my theory that the effect on the brain from following politics these days makes the use of illegal drugs redundant.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to that little nip in the air. I'm told that fall is on our doorstep (12 days and counting, not that we're counting), although it's hard to believe with reports of Death Valley-like temperatures and wildfires out west melting brains as fast as popsicles.
Soon. Soon.
But, no matter—the future-tellers from the Farmers' Almanac (not to be confused with the future-tellers from the Old Farmer's Almanac) have released their latest meteorological predictions. This year, having read the moss on the bark, the fuzz on the caterpillars, the chicken bones in the bowl, the leaves in the tea, and the sound of our neighbor Mrs. McGillicutty's creaky knee, the old farmer predicts that the entire country will have a winter season starting two-thirds of the way through December and ending roughly ten days before the end of March. I'm as skeptical as anyone, but they’re the experts.
Oh, and Tomorrow is Kos's birthday. Just so we don’t both get him the same thing: I bought him a Tickle Me George Soros action figure with freedom-strangling grip. Maybe you can get him some biking socks? Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
I can’t even think about what this country is going to be like if Bill in Portland Maine posts Cheers and Jeers again.
—Jane Scilovati
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