“By far the worst thing we do to males — by making them feel they have to be hard — is that we leave them with very fragile egos.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, award-winning author
Joe Biden rejects toxic masculinity at every turn.
Toxic masculinity involves raising boys to believe that they have to be tough all the time and that any other behavior is “feminine” or weak and should be mocked and avoided. It leads men to feel like they need to always:
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Suppress emotions and mask distress
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Maintain an appearance of hardness
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embrace violence as an indicator of power
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devalue women
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aspire to dominance in every situation.
That has never been Biden’s M.O.. Instead, Biden models a healthy masculinity. Here is Biden on Mask wearing
“Now, what is this macho thing: ‘I’m not going to wear a mask’?” Biden said during a town hall meeting last week, held just after Trump was released from the hospital. “Big deal. Does it hurt you? Be patriotic, for God’s sake. Take care of yourself, but take care of your neighbors.”
Jackson Katz, creator of a forthcoming documentary called “The Man Card: Presidential Masculinity from Nixon to Trump” argues that
“What Biden is offering is a more complex 21st-century version of masculinity. It’s compassion and empathy and care and a personal narrative of loss.”
Biden isn’t afraid of his feelings or other people’s feelings
One of Biden's political calling cards is an expression of empathy with voters, and unlike Trump, he is not afraid to show vulnerability in public. He often tears up as he speaks of his son, Beau, who died in 2015. He talks of his childhood stutter and how he worked to overcome it. He has spoken in the past of contemplating suicide after family tragedy. He refers to the grief he felt when his first wife and daughter died in a car crash.
This isn’t to say that Biden always eschews traditional markers of masculinity — he made comments about wishing he could punch Trump at an anti-sexual-assault rally in 2018. But Biden doesn’t see masculinity as excluding compassion and affection and kindness.
Why should it matter if the president eschews toxic masculinity?
Toxic masculinity is bad for everyone. Research suggests it leads to violence against women. It also leads to fighting more with other men and even does harm to the self — men who are high in toxic masculinity are more likely to be suicidal and more likely to be depressed. They are more likely to drink excessively and drive dangerously.
Not only do we not want a president that behaves in those ways, but we also don’t want a role model for our country that encourages toxic masculinity. Instead, we want (and deserve) a role model who encourages all people (male and female) to be both strong and vulnerable.
Joe Biden will do just that.
Joe Biden will be a great president.
The is my last entry in my 100 days of loving Joe Biden!
I want to thank all of you who read this and who shared it with others.
I want to thank 2thanks for his amazing greeting message in every comment section.
I want to thanks chloris creator, schoen, glenna mason, tljdk, Slideman, alosi, arhpdxhpg, sweetthesound, WYgalinCali, meadowmist, ckallen, OwossoHarpist, Andrew F Cockburn, MomentaryGrace, Mokurai, mabon, silverfoxcruiser, Stolibien09, sdosch, Tin Woman1, and everyone else who commented for the encouragement and the company.
Special thanks to deafstef who was always here, always encouraging and thoughtful, and made me feel like I wasn’t doing this alone.
Did you miss any of the 100 days? Here are links for all of them:
- Day 63: Biden ran his very first campaign in 1972 on the issues that are still central to us today -- voting rights, civil rights, crime, clean water and air, pension protection, and health care.
- Day 64: Biden has worked for campaign finance reform for his whole career. He can bring real change as president.
- Day 65: Biden surrounds himself with a diverse group of advisors and plans to do so in the White House as well. Representation matters.
- Day 66: Biden has a great plan for dealing with Iran
- Day 67: Biden has an aggressive plan to fight climate change
- Day 68: Even when you disagree with Biden, you will know that his heart is in the right place.
- Day 69: Biden loved the Biden/Obama memes which shows us more evidence of the person Joe is — someone fun, who can laugh at himself, and who values his friendship with another man enough to want to enjoy reminders of that bond.
- Day 70: Biden is running for president for the right reasons. Trump’s “very fine people on both sides” response to Charlottesville, motivated him to run. Biden is running for president because he loves our country too much to stand on the sidelines and not do all he can to save it
- Day 71: Joe Biden doesn't hold personal grudges. He has the maturity to see that every slight or misstep is not about him and that gives him the ability to focus on what really needs to be done for the good of the country.
- Day 72: Biden believes in democracy. Throughout his 40 years of public service, he has repeatedly shown that he sees elected office as a sacred trust where you work to make people’s lives better. He will fight like hell for that now, after November 3rd, and after his inauguration as our 46th president.
- Day 73: Joe has championed funding and application of basic and applied science for his entire career.
- Day 74: Biden has a great plan for Puerto Rico
- Day 75: Biden is not an elitist
- Day 76: Biden will nominate great justices
- Day 77: Biden is just the right mix of pragmatic and idealistic
- Day 78: Biden supports the rights of transgender people
- Day 79: Biden won’t have anyone from the fossil fuel industry (or any lobbyists) on his transition team
- Day 80: Biden is responsible for funding to provide the MRAP vehicles that saved many lives.
- Day 81: Biden is a progressive in the true sense of the word. Being a progressive means not just wanting our society to progress to a better place (which he does), but being listen to other people, learn, and change.
- Day 82: Biden will unite us. In the political speech of his life in Gettysburg, he acknowledged awful injustice and inequality; spoke of a country torn apart; and promised leadership that listens, and cares, and works to bring us together
- Day 83: Joe Biden loves and respects strong women. Women are making greater and greater strides in public service and a president who welcomes and celebrates that will be amazing.
- Day 84: Biden has great plans for sustainable farming that will help farming, farmers, and the environment.
- Day 85: Experts agree that Biden’s plan is best for economic growth
- Day 86: Biden has a plan to help the American automobile industry that is good for the industry, for workers, and for the planet.
- Day 87: Healthcare is personal to Biden. He was sworn in as Senator by the hospital beds of his two sons after his wife and daughter died in a car crash. When his son Beau was at the final stages of his battle with cancer, he and Jill considered taking a second mortgage out on his house to help with expenses. Biden fought for the ACA and he will fight like hell to make sure that every American has affordable healthcare.
- Day 88: Biden’s parents taught him that the mark of a person wasn’t whether they got knocked down, it was whether they got back up. Biden gets back up. He did it when his wife and daughter died, he did it when his son died, he did it when failed professionally. Joe Biden gets back up and he will lead America as we get back up as well.
- Day 89: Biden is creating a coalition that could change American politics for the better — one in which appeals to the labor branch of the party are firmly entwined with appeals to racial justice and environmental responsibility. Dionne calls this labor liberalism for the 21st century and argues that it could revolutionize American politics. I argue that it can bring people together and get things done
- Day 90: One thread that has gone through Joe Biden's entire life -- both political and personal -- is an abhorrence of those who abuse their power. It was integral in his early championship of civil rights, his long standing dedication to fighting against violence against women, and his relationships with his family, employees, and constituents.
- Day 91: Biden’s actions around 9/11/01 show us how he will lead in terrible times. Joe Biden took steps before, during, and after that horrible day to protect, stabilize, and keep united our country. He showed real leadership.
- Day 92: Biden's battle with stuttering made him a better man. It shaped his life. Not only did it teach him to work hard to improve himself but it gave him empathy for everyone who is struggling. It gave him a lifeline disdain for bullies. It introduced him to the joy of making a difference in people’s lives.
- Day 93: Joe Biden's plan for jobs in clean energy will meet the existential threat of climate change, create millions of good union jobs; make economic growth more accessible in every state and across Indian Country, and lead the world in inventing, manufacturing, and exporting clean energy technologies. — good for the planet, good for the workers, good for America.
- Day 94: Biden has deep friendships with both men and women. John McCain said there wasn’t a mean bone in Biden’s body. Bernie Sanders said Biden is one of the few people in the Senate to treat him with respect before he became the beloved “Bernie". Obama called him his best friend and a brother. Biden is the kind of decent, empathic, and joyful person who draws others to him.
- Day 95: Biden knows how to provide comfort. We are a nation in need. We need an empathic leader who leans into a hug. We need a leader who offers encouragement. We need a leader who gives love as easily as breathing in. Joe Biden is that leader.
- Day 96: Joe Biden has long been known as an optimist -- someone who has seen first hand the very dark lows that life can bring but still sees the possibility of better times and therefore work towards them. That is exactly the quality we need in a president right now. When Biden says "I've never been more optimistic of the prospects for this country than I am today" I believe him and want to follow him towards that more perfect union.
- Day 97: Joe Biden’s education plan is comprehensive, smart, and well thought out. It includes tuition free public college and debt forgiveness for 80% of American families. It would be easy to write off a policy like this as a pie-in-the-sky idea that would cost taxpayers too much to really implement. But according to an analysis by the Georgetown University Center on Education and the Workforce, the policy would pay for itself within 10 years.
- Day 98 Biden will enter the White House with the knowledge needed to succeed. Transition of power from one White House to the next typically involves the transfer of enormous amounts of information and training. Do you really think that the Trump administration will leave so much as a post-it note for whomever comes in next? Would we want them to? No person knows more than Biden about how to be ready to lead on Day 1 - he was VP for 8 years and a senator for 36 years.
- Day 99: Biden is respected by leaders all over the world. When Biden attended the Munich Security Conference in early 2019 he was urged to run by leaders from all over Europe. Our allies around the world are hungry for a return of a world in which the United States stands with other democracies against the threat of authoritarianism. They want the US to reclaim its leadership. As president, Joe Biden will be respected (and trusted) by leaders all over the world. It is reason #99 out of 100 to support Biden.