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“We love you so much and we’re going to be here every night
trying to make you laugh
and trying to bring a bit of light and levity to your day
whenever we can.”
James Corden
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Tonights Selection
Stuff from a while back that brings me a good memory.
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I think I’m bored.
At the end of the summer I put away all my instruments except for the mandolin that I keep hung on the wall. It’s gathering dust.
Last year I put away all my art supplies. A couple of weeks ago I dug out some things I had drawn and found some pieces that I could use for a Holiday card. But nothing new.
I haven’t written any stories. I started one a while back about the fall of Richmond at the end of the Civil War. I created the main characters to be as vile as anyone could imagine. I was using them as a way to deal with anger when I had no other acceptable way. It became an exercise in ugliness and I didn’t like the feeling. I did have another idea about current economics but it wasn’t going anywhere and went into the Maybe Later file.
I didn’t go out to the pond this year. I don’t remember if I went last year either. The boat sits in the back yard on a ladder rack that I used on my old truck when I went camping. The upturned hull has patches of lichens and moss and wasps build nests underneath.
Before it got too cold I did manage to redo a nice work bench out of reclaimed lumber and redo a garden bench I picked up off of the curb. It has cast iron sides with flowers and the slats had rotted.
People might say that the loss of interest in things sounds like classic depression symptoms. But I’m not depressed… something I know about myself. I’m pretty happy right now. I have all I really need. I’m safe, warm, well fed, and free to go wherever I want whenever I please and do whatever I feel up to without having to explain anything to anybody. I’ve got old friends when I want to talk about some good memories from when we were younger. New friends I’m getting to know. The Flickering Blue Mothers to keep me entertained. My old hound to watch after. It only takes so much to be comfortable and everything else is just showing off.
I wonder if I’m just looking for… well, “new worlds to conquer” sounds a little pretentious. Someone once told me, “Happiness is like a butterfly. If you chase it you may not be able to catch it. But if you stay still, it might decide to land on you.”
Maybe my garden bench will be a new place to sit and wait.