In the weirdest turn in the weirdest presidential election cycle in modern American history, Senator JD Vance, the Republican candidate for vice president, has endorsed the Democratic presidential candidate Kamala Harris. The timing of this baffling move makes it even more quizzical, as he did so on a stage in the same city and on the same day that Harris announced her running mate, Governor Tim Walz of Minnesota.
Standing with a banner reading “KAMALA” behind him, flanked by two women of color with another positioned just over his left shoulder among a background of supporters carefully curated for their diversity, the hack author and political amoeba with extreme positions on parenthood, personhood, and living room furniture, and the current running mate of former President Donald Trump, basked in what he apparently considered the awe of his gobsmacked audience of right-wing misogynist creeps as he announced his support for Trump’s, and his own putative opponent.
Pundits and analysts are rushing to process this event in some coherent fashion. But it has broken all plausible paradigms for political tactics or strategy.
One possibility a few floated is that perhaps he is attempting to transfer his spiraling unpopularity since being announced as Trump’s running mate just weeks ago to the opposing party’s candidate. Like if he’s weird and he likes Harris, then she must be weird and people will reject her.
Others think it might be a radical attempt to pull the news cycle and media attention toward his own ticket with an unprecedented nonsensical tactic. Instead of talking about Tim Walz and what he means for Harris’ electoral chances, and expectations for the upcoming Democratic National Convention, all anyone is going to be talking about is what the hell JD Vance is doing.
Another theory floated is that Vance is falling on his own sword in a feat of political theater of the absurd to help the Trump campaign dump him from a ticket that no longer wants him, but cannot be seen as confessing to having blundered so badly in choosing him. Such a move would, of course, demonstrate selflessness and commitment to Republican principles, such as they are, and devotion to country over career. This, however, would seem to fly in the face of everything we know about a man whom 78.6% of Americans consider, according to a survey released this past Monday, a “brazen self-promoting careerist hypocrite weirdo.”
On the other hand, it might also signal that he knows he’s about to be dumped and this is pre-emptive revenge.
Neither the Harris nor Trump campaigns agreed to comment. Though Tim Walz was overheard backstage on a hot mic after the rally introducing him saying “I told you this guy is really weird.”
Attendees of the Vance rally filed out muttering to themselves things about the “deep state”. One, a mid-forties man with a ZZ Top beard wearing a giant red foam MAGA hat, theorized that maybe he did this to seal a deal with HBO to write and produce a prestige TV series about an alternate reality in which childless women ride opiate-breathing cat-dragons to conquer Appalachia and install pornography in maternity wards, starring George Clooney. Another wondered if Vance has been an AI controlled automaton designed by “Hollywood homosexuals” funded by the “Transgenderist Union” all along.
One nationally prominent pundit, who requested his comment remain off the record, said: “We’re all going to pretend like we will figure out what is behind the absurdity, because we like to flatter our incisive intelligence, but is the truth is that this bat-shit nonsense might never be understood. Though I hope at least his family has the sense to get him an appointment with a neurologist. This could be some form of stroke. I’m genuinely worried about him. I mean, sure, he’s a creep, but he’s still a person. I think. Mostly.”
After leaving the rally, Vance posted on X about forming a new group called #MAGAsforHarrisforTrump. It was removed 20 minutes later and Elon Musk is refusing to comment. At about the same time, TruthSocial, Trump’s social media platform, went offline. It released a statement that this is a technical issue and any connection to the Philadelphia rally is completely coincidental and President Trump is in the very best of health.
