‘Scuse me. Gotta make a quick call...
[Boop boop boop boop boop boop!]
[RingRing! RingRing!]
"Hello! Thank you for calling the federal government of the United States of America. Please select your choice from the following menu:
For questions related to Medicare or Medicaid, press 1.
For questions related to federal disaster relief assistance, press 1.
For questions related to Social Security, press 1.
For questions related to veterans affairs, press 1.
For questions related to education, press 1.
For questions related to food safety, press 1.
For Freedom of Information Act requests, please press 1.
[Beep!]
Thank you! Your call is very important to us. Stay on the line and our remaining federal employee, Duffy in Maintenance, will be happy to assist you in the order in which your call was received. Please hold...
[Tall and tan, and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking. And when she passes each one she passes goes...]
Oops! We just got word that Duffy has been fired by Director Musk and will not be replaced. Goodbye!
[Click.]
And now, our feature presentation….
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, February 18, 2025
Note: From this point forward all Americans must submit to random tests of their love for America. Your name was chosen today. Please fart the National Anthem into a Styrofoam cup and send it in. You'll be notified of your results by armed drone if you fail. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
4 days!!!
Days 'til spring: 30
Days 'til the Devour Culinary Classic in Phoenix: 4
Drop in Tesla's share price since inauguration day: 21%
Total U.S. household debt, including credit cards, mortgages, auto loans and student loans: $18 trillion
Percent chance that the size of the federal workforce has remained about the same since the 1980s: 100%
Number by which the U.S. population has grown since the 1980s: 120 million
Water temperature off the coast of Portland, Maine: 40F
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Words of woozledom…
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CHEERS to standing up to a bully. He's ripping children from their families, gutting safety regulations, insulting allies we depend on for national security, cutting health care and disaster aid, and destroying the planet. But one Republican senator has had enough of 47’s shenanigans and, by god, she's gonna teach him a lesson in the perils of overreach that he'll never forget:
U.S. Senator Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) today introduced legislation that would officially designate North America’s highest mountain as Denali, the name bestowed by Alaska’s Koyukon Athabascans. The bill would require that any reference in U.S. laws, maps, regulations, or other records refer to the mountain as Denali. […]
Pshhht. That damn tree has always been such an attention hog...
Last month, President Trump signed an executive order titled “Restoring Names That Honor American Greatness,” which directed the Secretary of the Interior to change the name of the mountain to “Mount McKinley.”
Attagirl! We now return you to your regularly scheduled ripping children from their families, gutting safety regulations, insulting allies we depend on for national security, cutting health care and disaster aid, and destroying the planet already in progress under the watchful gaze of—[checks notes]—Senator Lisa Murkowski.
CHEERS to stalling for America's future. 184 years ago today, on February 18, 1841, the first continuous filibuster in the U.S. Senate began. It lasted until March 11. Before you read about the details below, you might want to whip up a li’l Filibuster cocktail. Good—let us proceed:
Until the late 1830s, the filibuster remained a solely theoretical option, never actually exercised. The first Senate filibuster occurred in 1837.
Your filibuster is served.
In 1841, a defining moment came during debate on a bill to charter the Second Bank of the United States. Senator Henry Clay tried to end the debate via majority vote, and Senator William R. King threatened a filibuster, saying that Clay "may make his arrangements at his boarding house for the winter." Other senators sided with King, and Clay backed down. The word “filibuster” was derived from the Dutch word meaning “pirate.”
In modern parlance, of course, the word filibuster is derived from the conservative Democrats’ words meaning “stab your own party in the back.”
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to great discoveries. On this date in 1930, astronomer Clyde Tombaugh discovered a new "dwarf planet" in our solar system. He called it Pluto. Republicans called it Home.
JEERS to little oopsies. When we woke up this morning, this was on the side of our milk carton:
MISSING
Who: Federal keepers of the United States nuclear missile instruction manual, launch codes, and various keys that must be turned in order to launch the “birds.”
Last Seen: Being berated, abused, and mistakenly fired a week ago by acne-scarred idiot teenage boys hired by private citizen Elon Musk as part of the federal government's new cost-cutting initiative.
Current Whereabouts: Unknown, but hopefully not in their basement concocting a scheme to get revenge.
If Found: Don’t spook them, especially if they each have a key in separate keyholes and the knob is turned to "Active." One sudden move and they may flinch and turn their keys at the same time and then, boy howdy, you can kiss that Myrtle beach vacation you have planned for next week goodbye. Approach the nuclear technicians calmly, gently scoop them up, and place in the nearest mailbox. Return postage guaranteed.
THANK YOU, PATRIOT!
I'm sure everything will be fine. Just fine. All fine. IT’S FINE!
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Ten years ago in C&J: February 18, 2015
JEERS to action plans that are doomed to fail. Points to brooklynbadboy for his suggestion yesterday on how Democrats can bring down scumbot John Boehner for using Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu's planned speech to a joint session of Congress March 3rd as a way to undermine President Obama's negotiations with Iran. It's definitely something to consider. But, speaking for myself, I don't give it a snowball's chance in Alaska of that happening, because bbb's plan requires that….
Democrats should be united and unequivocal
I'll buy him a six pack of whatever he wants if this comes to pass. But until then I gotta go with the 80-year-old words of Will Rogers: "I don’t belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat."
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And just one more…
JEERS to socialism on our roadways. Makes me so mad! The government takes our hard-earned money and then turns around and "distributes" its services to everyone equally. Like, for example, how they build public streets and then "distribute" their use to the vehicles of all the unsuspecting drivers. Even worse, look at how they send out large trucks with attached blades to distribute “snowplowing services” to those streets. My god, where will it stop? Next thing you know, they'll be offering the public the right to distribute "names" to those plows, and ohhhhhh I wish I were joking…
Heckuva job, Minnesota. Or should we now start calling you…..Mini Moscow?
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Trump Administration Mistakenly Fired Staff Overseeing Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool: Report
—Mediaite
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