Opening Scene: The Maiden Voyage of the SS Trumptanic
Picture this: The year is 2025. The SS Trumptanic, a gold-plated behemoth of economic mismanagement, is setting sail on its much-anticipated second voyage. The captain? None other than Donald J. Trump, back at the helm, boasting that his ship is the “most unsinkable, most luxurious, and most winning economy” ever.
The first voyage ended in disaster—a near-shipwreck in 2020, thanks to a combination of reckless navigation, an iceberg called COVID-19, and the captain’s insistence that “no one saw it coming”(despite multiple warnings). Fortunately, Joe Biden played the emergency responder role, patching up the hull, righting the course, and getting the economy back on smooth waters.
But now, Trump is back—and he’s doubling down.
“I don’t believe in icebergs,” Trump declares at the ship’s christening ceremony.
“They’re a hoax invented by the deep-sea Deep State to scare passengers into buying life jackets from Crooked Joe’s shady life raft business.”
The MAGA deckhands cheer. The investors on board shift uncomfortably. Meanwhile, the engine room is on fire.
Act 1: Distortion – The “Boom” That Isn’t
As the Trumptanic glides into open waters, Trump struts onto the deck to deliver his first “State of the Ship” speech.
“The economy has never been stronger!” he declares.
“The stock market is soaring! Inflation? Fake news! Consumer confidence? It’s through the roof!”
Reality check:
• The stock market immediately plunged after Trump tripled down on tariffs, sending shockwaves through the global economy.
• Consumer confidence is tanking, but Trump assures his passengers that they feel better than ever.
• Meanwhile, the crew frantically shovels water from the lower decks as businesses panic over supply chain chaos.
But Trump isn’t worried. “Tariffs are great,” he says, sipping a Diet Coke while pointing to the horizon. “Look at China—they’re paying for everything!”
Spoiler alert: They’re not. You are.
Act 2: Destruction – Iceberg, Dead Ahead (But It’s Fine)
Despite multiple warnings from economic experts, Trump has steered the Trumptanic directly into the path of a massive economic iceberg — a combination of rising tariffs, inflation, and reckless tax cutting.
• Tariffs have sent manufacturing into a tailspin. Businesses reliant on imported materials are facing skyrocketing costs.
• Farmers are getting crushed — again. Having barely recovered from Trump’s last trade war, they now face a new round of economic devastation.
• Layoffs are mounting as corporations and small businesses scramble to stay afloat.
“We’re doing so well,” Trump assures nervous passengers. “If we weren’t, believe me, it would be Biden’s fault.”
Act 3: Disarray – The Titanic’s Captain Blames the Iceberg
As the ship shudders from economic tremors, Trump does what any great leader would: deny, deflect, and tweet.
• The media is lying about the ship taking on water.
• The lifeboats are unnecessary because “everything is fine!”
• The Federal Reserve is “sabotaging” his economic genius (by, you know, existing).
• Biden, somehow, is responsible for the ship’s structural failures months after he left office.
Passengers are now openly wondering: Should we be worried?
Trump supporters on deck cheer and wave red MAGA life vests (which do not inflate). The ship’s VIP section — filled with billionaires and Elon Musk types — are quietly loading themselves onto golden yachts and sailing off into the distance.
Meanwhile, the lower decks flood.
Act 4: Debt Explosion – The Trumptanic’s Final Gamble
As water fills the engine room, Trump decides to cut taxes for the wealthy again in a desperate bid to “stimulate” the economy. His loyal supporters cheer while the national debt explodes at record speed.
The ship begins tilting at a dangerous angle, but Trump remains unfazed.
“I built the greatest ship. Unsinkable. The best economy, folks. And anyone who says otherwise is a globalist saboteur who wants to see America fail.”
Meanwhile, Janet Yellen and every financial analyst alive are screaming into the void.
Act 5: The Escape Plan – Billionaires Flee While the Base Goes Down
By now, the writing is on the wall. The Trumptanic is doomed. But Trump’s wealthiest allies are long gone.
• Wall Street execs cashed out months ago.
• Elon Musk’s Tesla submarine is nowhere to be found.
• Jared Kushner has quietly moved to Dubai.
• Trump is already on a helicopter, claiming this was always his plan.
Back on deck, his most loyal supporters are still singing his praises, drowning in debt and seawater, convinced that any moment, Trump will return to save them.
He won’t.
Final Scene: The Aftermath – The SS Trumptanic Lies in Ruins
As the ship’s remains sink to the ocean floor, America surveys the wreckage:
• A shattered middle class.
• A decimated manufacturing sector.
• A ballooning deficit that will take decades to fix.
Yet somehow, the survivors still hear Trump’s voice echoing across the waves:
“Folks, we had the greatest voyage, believe me. We'd still be sailing if it weren’t for the Fake News Iceberg. But don’t worry — 2025 is gonna be yuge!”
Epilogue: The Myth of the “Unsinkable Leader”
History will remember Trump 2.0 much like the Titanic: A spectacle of arrogance, overconfidence, and catastrophic failure.
The Trumptanic was doomed not because of outside forces but because its captain refused to acknowledge reality.
And just like in 1912, the wealthiest passengers survived while the ordinary workers paid the price.
Conclusion:
Trump’s second-term economy isn’t an accident—it’s an inevitability. The SS Trumptanic was always going to sink. The only question was who would get off in time.
What is the moral of the story?
When a conman tells you the ship is “unsinkable”—check for lifeboats.
~Dunneagin~
