Japanese Edo period porcelain
My memories of cawfeemug :-)
Our friendship was brief, but fruitful :-)
Please share yours :-)
The most committed and determined of those who struggle to raise awareness by exposing readers to the dire state of environmental collapse are few in number on this site.
Perhaps not amounting to much more than 20 (if that), these brave souls do their very best to shake complacency and rattle readers into reacting. It is a selfless, soul-grinding task, which if it weren’t for a profound sense of commitment and purpose, might be mistaken for masochism.
To further undercut our stunted impact, in the relatively short time I’ve been involved with this community, I’ve witnessed a disheartening attrition rate.
Pro environmental diarists are lost to age, burnout and most frustratingly, the politics of site priorities can place clickbait over climate, undermining survival imperatives with out of date priorities. While the ‘rules of the game’ are in a constant flux, both politically and environmentally, the ‘rules of the road’ remain fundamentally static. Environmental collapse doesn’t give a shit about man’s ‘stinking’ rules, and in the same way adhering to the strict letter of the law has gotten us into a mess of trouble politically, our ‘site laws’ need to bend to accommodate the urgent demands of an environment in meltdown.
The climate committed here are for the most part still considered ‘steerage’ on a site that largely shuns their presence, due to a fear conveniently masquerading as cognitive dissonance, ostracizing climate from politics.
However, for me these are the elite warriors of this site.
They face daily what most of the rest here avoid. They stick their heads in the furnace while most others open windows to let ‘zephyrs of distraction’ in.
In facing this head on, they become versed in the science and stratagems of subconscious collective annihilation. They reconnaissance deep in enemy territory, steeped in dread.
~~~
The general affairs of men operate at a remove and seldom affect us directly. Tossing the hash salad of news these days, though it may threaten our inner comfort, still presents user-friendly odds, mostly stacked in our favor and attractively wrapped in the velveteen cloak of distance .
By contrast, for those of us grappling with environmental collapse ours is a hair-shirt — and boar’s bristle at that.
Sadly, we are fully aware of the fact that none of us will escape Gaia’s fury, as she becomes incensed by being gang-raped by her children. Tired of waiting for us to atone for the evils we lavish upon her, our Mother’s patience is at an end and she will no longer tolerate our self-centered post-adolescent immaturity.
It is time for tough love — brutally delivered, as apparently we won’t ‘have’ it any other way.
The anxiety we suppress is now shifting from abstract to primal raw terror.
~~~
cawfeemug is a recent poignant loss to this roster of ‘team players’, and although I never received verification, I’m certain he has left us for the Elysian Fields.
I initially connected with Gilbert (aka cawfeemug) when he provided me with information and links in the comments thread to my first “In honor of Pakalolo, Friends of Gaia present…” polar diary.
But that connection remained cognitively tenuous until the next in the series, when a reader honored a partial list of climate community stalwarts by name and I felt the need to mention a few more.
Gilbert jokingly chimed in with “and what about me?”. Not really knowing him yet, I became concerned I’d inadvertently offended him and immediately apologized for my snafu. That exchange grew into a congenial back-and-forth which culminated in our collaboration on an article he had been wanting to produce regarding the collapse of the golf stream.
By this time, Gilbert was already in hospice. But that didn’t deter him and we continued to communicate on a regular basis, getting to know each other better, while developing a mutual respect which was beneficial to both of us.
Perhaps we exchanged no more than 1000 words, but they were enough for me to create a clear picture of this empathetic and sentient gentle-man on his way to becoming cosmic.
Along with sharing a commitment to ‘climate’, we broadened the territory of our budding friendship with our mutual involvement in the arts.
He played eloquent, beautifully articulate music of his own invention with an ear attuned to aesthetic fidelity and devoid of pretense. Crafted to smooth the seismic ripples with which anxiety marks us, his masterful playing did not fault his purpose. I hope it will be appreciated and preserved by others, as I intend to through the links he sent me.
Gilbert was highly supportive of my efforts and did not hold back in his attempts to help strengthen my resolve by providing me with a nurturing perspective wrought from his experience. His candid words of encouragement came at just the right time for me.
Dying can bring with it a level of enlightenment that drops pretense and encourages candidness. Gilbert felt free to offer me kind words of encouragement the likes of which I’ve seldom ever received before and at a time in my life when they could do the most good — by ultimately benefitting others.
I never knew what was taking him from us, but even through his stoicism, I understood that there was a great deal of pain involved. However, he did not allow this to undermine his ongoing efforts to help spread awareness about our shared environmental plight.
The depths of his gratitude and great pleasure he expressed due to our collaboration were mirrored by my appreciation for having been given the opportunity to help ‘wrap’ up this gift for him. As the result of a fortuitous and late flowering connection, greatly enhanced by our mutual candidness, I was gifted with the privilege to have shared in Gilbert ‘s final moments.
~~~
A few months back, I got a message from him telling me he wasn’t certain sure how much longer he would be able to find the strength to reach out to me — and then later that same day I found him commenting in a thread. I was left in awe of commitment on this level.
Not long after that, I heard from him for the last time, though I still held out hope that it would not be.
This diary is my way of honoring our mutually fruitful relationship, made more beautiful by its brief, enigmatic and non-histrionic character. Although I knew very little about the facts of Gilbert’s life, through our communications, I was able to develop the sensitivity necessary to touch his essence — wrought of his life experience and that which he brought into this world — purified over time to become motivated by the ‘gift’ of sharing.
Under the circumstances in which I knew him, witnessing this selfless generosity to help others up until the very moment he left, has changed me indelibly.
It is my great hope that those of you reading this will embrace it as an opportunity — a sort of a ‘wake’ if you would — for reminiscing and ‘returning’ what you know of him, through whatever interactions you may have had with cawfeemug over the years.
~~~~~~~
Dooey contributed this to the comments thread, and it is every bit as deserving of owning this diary as my effort…perhaps more so — as it serves to exponentially enhance our tribute to Gilbert.
“Gilbert was my friend.
I love him dearly. we have been there for each other when the pain and regret and hopelessness was at the door.
We shared a love for music and knowledge of songs and writers and musicians that were in the hard to find places. we talked philosophy and religion and history as well as climate change and extinction.
A good friend and a good relationship is when you can just cut into the other persons noise and discomfort with a wake up call. It can border on seeming hostility if you lack trust. but I trusted Gilbert and he trusted me — we called each other out on spiritual truth and the need to be aware of the spiritual path one is on. When you see what a friend is doing by putting up the mirror with love and a smile — then you are not alone and you are aware that someone is truly on your side because they are telling you that you are beautiful and complete and one with the world. The road and the work is full of distraction and mental monkeys — but the truth remains.
I know that Gilbert has been gone — and i check the account we communicated on almost daily despite that. I miss him. I miss my friend.
I think what was most important for all of us who knew him and had any interaction with him was this …. Do not fear being tenacious in the pursuit of the truth you are here to pursue. No title is above you no person beneath you. All of that shit is a distraction. If you can prove something is true and you are dedicated to being of service to the calling — that is good enough and you knock on doors and find a way to bring about change.
Gilbert corresponded and had on the level conversations with a lot of highly educated experts and people that needed to see and discuss what he was following and documenting. His level of expectation to the educated and privileged was unrelenting and few of us have the persistence that he had. Goliath never impressed him. And he always had an eye out for his friends! Always! he was there for you when you were wrong, and at your back when you were right. Just get rid of the fear and get in line with your purpose and truth!
We talked about death and all of the steps along the way regularly — Gilbert was who he was to the bone — unafraid of Goliath!
This is what strength is — strength is not the bully, or the person who competes to be number 1 …… strength is fearlessness and commitment regardless of the struggle, it is knowing that there is no true path of least resistance, there is no smooth sailing — there is only you — get over it and get going!
I cried many a time in our correspondences because we laid ourselves bare! fears, insecurities, and weaknesses up front and center in a trusted place with a trusted ally — who gave you a space to heal and regroup and mend. I hope that anyone who knows what i’m talking about gives of themselves to others and opens themselves up to the rewards of living in your truth and helping others do the same, as well as being open and recognizing others are there for you — that takes strength bravery and guts.”
