I assumed when I got to this age — essentially retired, just waiting to get to 70 before applying for social security so as to maximize my small SSA payment — I assumed I would be working on various art and writing projects, immersing myself in music, spending time with family, and so on. Oh, how far away that scenario seems now! Instead of pleasant and creative activities, I am having to try to be brave — brave enough to go to marches and rallies, brave enough to write and post on social media information and warnings about this treacherous neofascist Trump administration’s ongoing assault on the Constitution and the Muskrats’ ongoing assault on our government services, about the betrayal of Ukraine and our allies, and about so much more, infinitum ad nauseam.
I don’t want to be brave. I don’t want to spend my time protesting. I don’t want to spend our money donating to individuals and organizations who are fighting back. And I don’t want to think about the kinds of consequences that even small acts bravery in this day and age might be heaped upon me and mine. I am “small potatoes” by any measurement, yes, but Trump’s boundless vindictiveness could result (for example) in my application for social security being turned down because of my unyielding disloyalty to the regime. (Assuming there will be any social security at all by the time I would ordinarily apply.)
No social security benefits would pose some hardship, but not catastrophically so (and yes, I recognize I am lucky in that regard). But there are far worse threats instilling disquiet and fear, especially now that a growing number of legal residents (and likely some citizens among them) are already being disappeared. But what choice is there?
It was hard enough raising my voice early on — years ago — about the parallels between Hitler and Twitler. It was hard enough watching so many people in this country, some even in my own extended family, be bamboozled into supporting Putin’s puppet. It was terribly disheartening to discover how many old friends and acquaintances (and family members) enthusiastically support this hideous excuse for a human being. And as a one-time devout member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a.k.a. Mormons), I am wholly disappointed that the leaders of that church remain silent instead of giving a full-throated warning about the clear and present danger to what they preach as being the “divinely inspired” Constitution. That kind of gross moral negligence and cowardice astonishes me — it shouldn’t, but it does. (Sadly, of course, many leaders of every stripe and flavor of Christian church, and other religions, are just as complicit as the Mormons in their failure to speak out.)
I don’t know how long it will be possible to resist without repercussions. I don’t know how long it will take Trumpist jackholes and brownshirts to openly attack people like me who are publicly resisting in my relatively sane locality. I don’t know what other kinds of retaliatory acts these sadistic and cruel people in power may be cooking up, but they will not hesitate to visit chaos and misery on people they see as enemies. (Hell’s bells, they’re happy to visit chaos and misery on everyone, enemy or not.)
I’m honestly scared in a way I have never been before. But I do know that if I don’t try to be brave in whatever ways I can, if I don’t speak up, if I don’t donate, if I don’t write, if I don’t post on social media, I won’t be able to live with myself. And that fact would remain true even if, God forbid, I end up being hauled away without due process or having to flee the USA without knowing when or if I could ever return. I would hate being the object of any kind of unjust punishment. But I cannot be complicit. I will not be silent. I will stand as a witness against this great evil that has come upon our country, and I will do so in solidarity with and for the sake of my fellow resisting citizens, for my loved ones, and for my own sanity and peace of mind.
