I know Tuesdays are usually cohenzee’s night here at Top Comments, but his hockey team has their final home game and he’s therefore occupied tonight. I offered to step in and fill his shoes. And I was planning on a Tax Day-related diary, until something happened today that was much more pleasant to write about!
Mr. Brillig has been traveling this week both visiting family in Dallas and then on business in Austin. While he’s been gone, I’ve taken the opportunity to get up into our attic and attempt some cleanout/decluttering. We’ve lived in this house for 33 years so it’s not as simple as when you’ve moved regularly and had to clean out… there are layers like an onion up there!!
Mixed in with boxes and boxes of children’s artwork (summer project is going through with those now-adult children then having a ceremonial burning of what isn’t saved) and way too many “why did we save this?” items was a bag filled with birthday, holiday and other cards. You remember those… kept the Post Office busy as we kept in touch before social media took over for us? Those. I decided to go through and sort into keep and discard. Most of them had no meaning except to me, and I don’t need to leave cards from people my kids don’t know for them to discard later. But others were special, and are back upstairs :).
I opened one card and it was from someone who worked in my graduate lab. She was one of the nicest, most enthusiastic and wonderful people ever, and for years after she moved to the other side of the country, got married and was working we kept in touch… but then as happened more easily then, we drifted apart and lost touch with one another. I lingered over the card, and decided… let’s see if she pops up in a search on Facebook? Typed her name in, and immediately I found her. She was instantly recognizable to me in photos despite a quarter century passing, and as bonus confirmation her spouse’s name was the same!
At this point, I had a choice to make… do I take a chance and message, hoping she remembered me and didn’t think this was stalker-weird, or let the memory be enough. Took a deep breath and messaged, starting with the familiar “I don’t know if you remember me...”. She replied almost instantly and we chatted via text until her plane boarded then exchanged email and phone numbers. I am SO glad I did so, and am floating tonight on the feelings of a reconnected friendship.
It made me think of something that I put into a draft diary ::checks:: over seven years ago but never published about another reconnection. I had been at my 35th high school reunion, which I’d gone to with some trepidation because I wasn’t in touch with many classmates. Here’s what I wrote in that draft that I never deleted:
I spent a lot of time catching up with old classmates at my high school reunion. Two evenings, the first casual in a bar and the second a ‘hey we clean up nice’ event with a buffet, music and all that. A dozen of us also took a hike up a local mountain that took several hours and gave us lots of chat time. Smaller gatherings in hotel suites etc rounded out the weekend. Our class president worked his ass off and we had close to 1/3 of our class in attendance, with others from surrounding years.
More so than any previous reunion of this group, I learned about what it was like growing up in our time and place. So many stories I didn’t know… tales of poverty, abuse, mental illness, etc. Current life events that don’t make the carefully curated Facebook pages we present to one another… illness, divorce, loss of children to drugs or depression or both, etc. Old social groups were set aside and let us grow into what I really feel is a tighter-knit group.
Over the course of the weekend, I had several conversations with one classmate in particular. Someone I’d been social friends with in a larger group, but we weren’t ‘close’ — in part because of an incident that happened my freshman year. I was hurt at what transpired, confused as to why things turned out as it did, and our friendship never recovered. I assumed they didn’t remember it at all, as it was a small thing nearly 40 years ago that even I barely thought about. As we chatted and got to reminiscing about our connection in high school, I realized they did remember- and their understanding of what happened was *totally* different than my own. They had no idea of what my experience was and were aghast at hearing my version. The differential experience cost us what could have been a real longterm friendship, but it’s clear that we are rectifying that four decades late. Processing this over the [at the time I wrote this] last few days, I’ve realized that my subconscious has been carrying this event around all this time, and it influenced my entire personality. I feel like a weight’s been lifted off my shoulders, a weight I didn’t know I was carrying.
That friendship has become one of my strongest, and while we still mourn the 40 missed years we’re grateful for the 7 and counting we’ve gotten since. We talk most mornings on their work commute, visit when we find ourselves nearby, and expect to be close for the rest of our days.
I wrote yesterday about needing some inspiration, some hope. My reconnection with my friend isn’t “political hope” (although she did ask if I had become the full-fledged activist she imagined I’d be!!), but it has done wonders for my emotional state today. I hope this tale inspires you to make the connection when it presents itself!! Do you have a tale of reconnection? Please share it in the comments!!
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TOP COMMENTS
Brillig's ObDisclaimer: The decision to publish each nomination lies with the evening's Diarist and/or Comment Formatter. My evenings at the helm, I try reeeeallllyy hard to publish everything without regard to content. I really do, even when I disagree personally with any given nomination. "TopCommentness" lies in the eyes of the nominator and of you, the reader - I leave the decision to you. I do not publish self-nominations (ie your own comments) and if I ruled the world, we'd all build community, supporting and uplifting instead of tearing our fellow Kossacks down. Please remember that comment inclusion in Top Comments does not constitute support or endorsement by diarist, formatter, Top Comments writers or DailyKos. Questions, complaints or comments? Contact brillig.
The mailboxes were bare but I simply HAD to share this one:
I wrote last night's Top Comments seeking some hope and inspiration. BeninSC wrote an eloquent and perfect response that more of us should read and heed.
TOP MOJO
Top Mojo for yesterday (Monday), April 14th 2025, first comments and tip jars excluded. Thank you mik for the mojo magic! For those of you interested in How Top Mojo Works, please see his diary on FAQing Top Mojo.
