Do you have plans for America’s 250th birthday yet? You don’t want to miss out on the many opportunities to display your patriotism. And what better way to show your heart beats true to the red, white, and blue than watching an Ultimate Fighting Championship cage match at the White House?
Wait, come back! What do you mean you don’t see how a UFC cage match is the perfect way to celebrate the birth of our country?
Yes, in his continual quest to absolutely trash the place, Trump has officially announced he will host a UFC cage match at the People’s House on July 4, 2026. Yes, that’s the day the Declaration of Independence was adopted in 1776, and past presidents have done normal things to commemorate it like invite active duty military members and their families to the White House, or have a big naturalization ceremony, or go to a military base to see the troops.
UFC President Dana White speaks before President-elect Donald Trump arrives at a pre-inauguration rally on Jan. 19, 2025, in Washington.
But we live in hell now, so the 250th anniversary of the signing of the document that forms the very basis for our country is going to be orchestrated by Trump, UFC head Dana White, and ultimate nepo baby Ivanka Trump. The president’s eldest and favorite daughter been largely absent from Trump’s second term after her absurdly overinflated role in his first one, but apparently, cage fights are Ivanka’s passion.
To be fair, it isn’t like the president respects the principles laid out in the Declaration, so he just figures this is an opportunity for a party. And since he and White are pals, a cage fight it is. There’s no word yet on who will be fighting, but Conor McGregor sounds very hyped to participate. Sure, a jury found him liable in November 2024 for sexually assaulting a woman back in 2018, but in this administration, that would never rule out a trip to the White House.
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Indeed, McGregor already made a trip there in March, where he went on a racist rant about how towns in Ireland are overrun by an “illegal immigration racket.” Again, a thing that would typically exclude one from future White House visits. But just as Trump and McGregor could bond over how they were both found liable for sexual assault, they share a love of telling vicious lies about immigrants. Even if Trump doesn’t tap McGregor for this, the spectacle is still equal parts ridiculous and repulsive.
Former NFL player and registered sex offender Lawrence Taylor speaks next to President Donald Trump during an event announcing the relaunch of the Presidential Fitness Test in public schools on July 31.
In fact, even an actual sexual assault conviction is no bar to getting into Trump’s White House. Just look at the July 31 press conference for the President’s Council on Physical Fitness, where Trump made his announcement reviving the infamous Presidential Fitness Test. There, he was flanked by Linda McMahon, his education secretary who is still a defendant in a child sex abuse lawsuit. But just to round things out and add a little variety, former NFL player and current registered sex offender Lawrence Taylor was there, because pleading guilty to patronizing an underage sex worker and sexual misconduct should not keep a man out of the Oval Office.
It’s wild to think Trump has come up with something even tackier than his pathetic birthday military parade or paving over the Rose Garden or turning the Oval Office into a festival of gold spraypaint. He wants everything to look like his gaudy Mar-a-Lago resort, including the proposed $200 million ballroom he’s building at the White House. Fun fact: Trump put $7 million worth of gold leaf in his ballroom at Mar-a-Lago, so we all have that to look forward to.
Trump is leaning into his showman role, which is objectively gross and unhinged. And now that he’s decided to treat the presidency like one of his hotels, we’re bound to see more low-rent stuff like this at the White House.
