March 28th, Saint Paul, MN
For years, Arvid Norvig has gone to the First National Bank every Friday to check on his living will. He would change the water in its safe deposit box, leave some crackers behind, and make sure all the air holes were unobstructed. But this Friday was different. When Arvid Norvig arrived at the doors of the First National Bank, he realized to his horror that the bank was closed.
"I didn't know what to do." said Norvig "I've never left a living thing alone over a weekend before. What if something were to happen?" Norvig became even more agitated when his attempts to get a court order to open the bank were ignored, and calls to 911 went unanswered. A call to a local talk radio station got the word out, and soon supporters arrived in droves. Bringing food and water, and even the occasional bottle of Wite-Out®, they came prepared. But sadly no one had a bank key.
"That poor living will is in there starving to death, and no one's doing a damn thing about it." said Ethel Halvorson. "I know there's so-called 'experts' who say that a living will isn't really living. But how do they know? What's it made of? Paper. And where does paper come from? Trees. You can't tell me that trees aren't alive. Just look at that scene in the Wizard of Oz!"
Now that the bank has reopened, Arvid's ordeal is still not over. "I don't get off work until 4pm, and I left my safe deposit key back at my apartment. I'll probably be able to get over there in time, but I hate to think what I might find. I just hope I'm not too late."
A prayer vigil for the living will will be held this evening at 7pm at the nearby Arby's.