Pious Man~ This specimen dates to ~1000 AD and was very successful for hundred of years. Pious sapians was an extraordinarily violent and small brained taxa. The oldest known representative is an obscure Spanish Inquisition official who thought burning people alive (and pocketing their loot) was exactly what God wanted. For a shallow, small brained critter, PMs possess an astonishingly sophisticated array psychological mechanisms which allow these individuals to condone torture, execution, and warfare, as authorized manifestations of their deity's love and compassion.
Note: This curricula is intended as an adjunct lab & field manuel for
Creationist Taxa 101.
Young Earth Creationist Man~ is a direct descendant of Right-wing Evangelical Man
and older specimens date to the early 1900s. Again there are still thriving extant populations of YEC Man and an observant modern rationalist can even occasionally cross paths with one of these primitive creatures on this very Forum.
The common characteristics which define the clade "YEC" are the derived features from Evangelical Man such as;
- Highly evolved lying skills
- The ability to rapidly change from one scientific biome to another when stymied
- Being able to completely ignore valid sensory data and perceive instead nonexistent factual support for mythical events.
Old Earth Man~ is a direct descendant of YEC Man and this sequential designation raises an apparent conflict ...
There was another creature who held very similar beliefs to Old Earth Man hundreds and even thousands of years ago. However, the modern OEC
Man is not a descendant of this similar beastie, but of the more recent YEC Man. This confusion is exploited by many.
OEC Man and YEC Man differ in several key ways:
- OEC man is less specialized to ignore empirical evidence. OEC man has more derived and advanced critical thinking abilities, forcing him to adjust his views on some issues.
- OEC man thinks YEC Man is nuts
- OEC Man attempts to make testable predictions
(sometimes...rarely...and not very good ones...but he does TRY)
OEC Man and YEC Man still share the basal traits of lying, making stuff up, and the uncanny skill of knowing some science, and yet still remain confident in their memetic mythology. This morphological symmetry is termed Morton's Demon.
Intelligent Design Man~this most recent speciation event seems to have taken place only within the last twenty years and few legitimate specimens are known (although many OEC Men, YEC Men, etc. claim to be IDC Man pretending to be Science Man; Their true identity is quickly established with a few simple techniques such as asking them to take the derivative of e^x)
IDC Man has vastly enhanced basal traits of duplicity compared to his more primitive ancestors. This cunning predator has raised the art of duplicity to an astounding degree! And carved out a specialized niche in the `legal, political, and philosophical bullshit' biome where the species is most abundant.
IDC Man is incredibly flexible in his survival strategy. For starters, the creature can employ a stunning camouflage, which can fool even his closest associates. At will, IDC Man can turn into Pius Man, EM, YEC Man, or OEC Man, philosophy bullshit man, or pseudo-science man should the need arise.
And IDC Man generally experiences his greatest reproductive success rate by using advanced (highly derived for you Caldists) political and philosophical techniques along with catchy sound bites to infect co-extant populations, rather than relying on falsifiable pseudoscience.
Now there are also several specimens which have been found that don't seem to fit naturally into the above transitional sequence.
Some are known only from scraps and bear mysterious names like "Hollow Earth Man" and "Flat Earth Man." It is an unresolved issue among cladists if these creatures are still extant somewhere and if they deserve their own crown clade, or should be placed in the standard creationist clade under the species "Homo flakus".
It is this researchers opinion that any clade which purports an explanation of the origins of the universe, earth, and species, in which the initial premise is that facts don't count, should be included.
Others are better represented, but are still anomolous in the sequence presented as well as undescribed in the literature.
Raealian Man and Scientology Man for example, are poorly understood.
And little can be said about them. Likely due to the fact that close observation and research of these creatures will often result in a massive coordinated, immediate, protective, response from the hive. This deadly defense mechanism, called 'The Frivolous Lawsuit', hasdiscouraged field biologists from scrutinizing these creatures too closely.
