I welcome well-reasoned, civil debate at Hughes for America. I reserve the right to delete comments that are abusive, use discriminatory language, make threats or are off-topic. I also reserve the right to ban individuals from commenting for violations of the above rules.
With that, I welcome anybody and everybody to my blog, Hughes for America. For the most part, my site has seen ample well-reasoned, civil debate. That said, every so often appears a virulent strain of right-wing extremism.
When these incoherent, profanity-laden comments appear, I think, "This can't be real." But it is and somehow I've got to find a way to fight these screeds with logic. Often, that logic is met with an angrier, even more incoherent response.
But enough about me. Let's talk about you, right-wing lurker who is likely reading this (or liberal looking for a laugh). Do you want to comment like the best of 'em? If so, follow these five simple steps:
Choose your name
If you're a radical Republican planning to post comments on a progressive blog, you've got to have a good name. Why? Because you sure as hell don't have the guts to use your real name. The same goes for your real e-mail address. That said, you're a rightie, so think like one: Think powerful. Think animalistic. Think aggression. How about "Double Shot," "Thunderbolt" or "Snake Eyes"? Another avenue is something patriotic, like "Soaring Eagle," "GoUSAFreedom" or "TheseColorsDon'tRun." Whatever you pick, your name must indicate the sheer power and forcefulness you bring to the blog. Think of it as the codename you'd use if you were a spy and not a disgruntled ne'er-do-well in need of a hobby. What's a ne'er-do-well? Look it up.
Choose your battle
This is a very important reminder, GoUSAFreedom: You've got to pick your spots. Fight the right fights. Know when to "bring it," guns blazing, and when to leave your powder dry. If you can tell that the post on which you'd like to comment includes even the most minor shred of nuance - or research - stay away. Things like economic, foreign and domestic policy probably aren't for you. Stick to the so-called culture wars. Stick to the "guns, Gods and gays" theme that the best (or worst) right-wing nutjobs prefer. If your argument can't fit on one of Fred Phelps' protester's signs, you're better off not commenting. If it doesn't fit on the back of a t-shirt or a bumper sticker, think of something that does.
Choose your language
So you've made it this far, GoUSAFreedom. Congratulations! You've got the right name for the job and you've found a good progressive blog entry, something about gay rights or a woman's right to choose. Now, the next step won't be hard: Forget everything you've ever learned about grammar and usage, about the English language in its highest form. That won't be needed now. What will be needed, however, is every piece of profanity you've got at your disposal. We're talking Andrew Dice Clay profane, not your nice grandmother saying "Oh, fiddlesticks!" when "Wheel of Fortune" is a repeat. C'mon, be imaginative. Think of combinations of profanities that have never been used. Here are some starters: Fucknose. Assbreath. Cockbrain. And don't forget the classics: Where would you be without a thousand-and-one ignorant synonyms for homosexuals, African Americans, Latinos and Middle Easterners?
Choose your style
As important as the language you'll use, GoUSAFreedom, is the style with which you approach the progressive blogosphere. Will you simply recite verbatim the Republican talking points? See a post about New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin? Why didn't he use those buses? Find something you disagree with about Iraq? Freedom is on the march! Looking for something about John Roberts? Ruth Bader Ginsburg was an extremist!
If you don't want to stick to the RNC talking points, perhaps you'd rather stick to the unofficial talking points. This is where the blame gaming, race baiting and xenophobic nationalism comes in. Take, for instance, the right-wing commenter who suggested - in a post about patriotism versus nationalism - the following:
My guess is that someday in the not too distant future, there will be a fenced in town, way out in the desert, surrounded by a moat and razor wire, patrolled by armed guards, where the last few thousand Muslims will be kept around as a curiosity, and a warning to us all of just how badly the human race can go of track. Tours will conducted on Monday-Friday, Once a day. Except on Ramadan.
See! You can do that, too!
A third tack is perhaps the easiest: Stick to the stereotypes. Remember, we liberals are elitist, latte-drinking, tree-hugging hippies who would rather sit around all day smoking dope than fight for the Red, White and Blue. And, if we're not that we're bleeding-heart, sensitive softies who would rather offer therapy and understanding to our enemies than a boot in the ass. That's if we can find time when we're not sitting in our ivory tower at our liberal-stocked private universities.
Choose your response
So you've made your first foray into right-wing commentary. Congratulations, GoUSAFreedom! But you've been met, sadly, with a logical, well-thought liberal response. Uh oh. Cut off at the knees, every one of your points has been dispatched in short order. What are you going to do? Are you going to be a man or are you going to be a wimp? Because, as you know, a real man wouldn't let an intelligent rebuttal get in his way. No sir, he'd let it fly again, firing back by personally insulting the blogger, poking fun at the fact he or she blogs and doesn't have a "real job" and otherwise restating his original point, only more ignorantly.
[Editor's note: Never mind the fact that you, the blogger, do have a job and maintain your blog as an avocation, a passionate hobby. This fact always seems to escape an individual that has somehow found the time to post anonymously on a blog with which he doesn't even agree.]
Anyway, if you do choose that path, be warned: You're likely to be banned from most liberal blogs. Not because you're arguing from the other side of the aisle - that gets you banned from commenting on right-leaning blogs. No, you'll be banned because you obviously violated a clearly stated policy. If you're lucky, however, your comment won't be deleted; instead, it will remain. A tribute to what can happen when children try to make arguments at the adult table.
So are you ready, GoUSAFreedom? By all means, have at it. Don't forget to bring your "A" game. And don't forget to leave your working knowledge of proper punctuation - and the shift key - at home. You won't need that where you're going.
