Marriage is unnatural. Is sodomy unnatural? I dunno. It's like "insert tab A in slot B." Well, what about slot C or even slot D? What about Tab A in slot C and tab B in slot F?
But I digress.
Where was I? Oh yeah. Marriage is unnatural. Why is it unnatural? Because, biologically speaking, my pseudo-intellect tells me that most animals do not lead monogamous lives. They pretty much f**k anything that'll have them. "Hey babe, check out my plumage." Then they hop on, do the business and immediately fall asleep. The next day they are showing their plumage to someone else. Occasionally, the male is mangled by the female after intercourse. This would include creatures such as Black Widows, Praying Mantissesses and Aileen Wuornos.
And Lorena Bobbit.
So what's the deal with marriage, anyway? Why the hell do many of us need this seemingly outdated institution in order to feel complete? Why the hell would anyone... gay or straight... want to get married? Why is the institution itself already so completely fucked up?
My opinion on the last question is this. Everyone is fucked up to some degree. Two mildly fucked up people hook and and the fucked up aspects are magnified a thousand times over the course of a dozen years. By the time they recognize this, they've got a gaggle of kids that are fucked up because the parents are so fucked up. You can see how this leads to each generation being exponentially fucked up worse than the last. Moral of the story? Get your fucking shit together and hook up with someone that has his or her shit together, too.
Why do gay people (or anyone else, for that matter) even want to be married? Well, the easy answer is beacause they will have access to benefits otherwise kept from them. We've heard a lot about this over the last few months.
The closet optimist in me likes to think otherwise.
As I mentioned at the top, marriage is unnatural, because most creatures benefit biologically by hooking up with lots of babes. Marriage is in direct conflict with our god-given desire to pull some tail.
What separates most humans from most of the animals is the (I've decided) unfortunate ability to feel emotion. If you look at the types of animals that are monogamous, you will also see that they have more highly developed brains. These include monkeys, elephants, dolphins and dogs. Well, okay... not dogs. I mean, they'll fuck your leg, right? Dogs are playahs.
Anyway, marriage comes into the picture from our very human need to give and receive love. Of course you can get this love outside of marriage, but marriage is the ultimate promise of love between two people who also like to fuck each other. This is essentially saying "My love for you is stronger than my desire to screw the waiter that just brought us the champagne." or "I will fight the urge to screw your younger sister with the hellacious ass because I love you that much." or "I really want to go down on my girlfriend at the office, hubby, but my love for you overrides that animal passion."
I'm getting weepily sentimental now. sniff
So, I guess this is where marriage is cool. You two people... husband/wife, husband/husband or slut/slut*... you love each other so much that you will do the most unnatural thing in the world in order to prove it. No, I'm not talking about dressing as nuns, hopping on one foot and hitting each other over the heads with herrings. I'm talking about being true to each other. I'm talking about loving each other completely and unconditionally (once you've mastered loving yourself completely and unconditionally) and I'm talking about keeping it in your pants because you've got that one, special thing that may only come along once in a lifetime... if you're lucky.
And if we are lucky enough to find that person (same sex or otherwise), we all have the right to celebrate that fact before the whole world by making that sacred promise to honor them... in spite of nature.
peace out
*sorry, lesbians, I'm still a little tender.
