I'd like to propose something that may actually work. These GOP guys seem to be so focused on competition and winning, as well as getting their whacked-out policies based around helping the rich get richer. Now, I think we all know that they should not be doing this governing thing... they can't even keep the budget balanced. The only thing they have going for them is a good deal of doublespeak, and some angry masses...
There's only one thing we can do to help them find their true callings...
We need to create more professional sports leagues. I mean, look: The NFL has considered Condoleeza Rice, and now is supposedly
trying to get Jebbie. Meanwhile, our current Clown-in-Chief was owner and managing partner of the Texas Rangers from 1988-1994. Sure, the Rangers didn't actually win a Division Title until after he left, but hey, even the worst team in professional sports,
the Kansas City Royals are worth $239 million. That's a lot of money there even for mediocrity or total shit. If you take a look at Formbes, terrible teams like the Royals, or formerly terrible teams like the Clippers are all worth a great deal of money. Republicans like money. They just don't know how to spend it effectively.
On top of that, it's not as if they would have to follow rules or laws... if Bud Selig has proven anything as baseball Commissioner, it's that you can plead ignorance and look the other way effectively until you actually have to make change (on steriods). The GOP knows this one real well. Just ask Tom DeLay, Bob Ney, Pombo, Dolittle, Burns, Hastert, and the rest.
Furthermore, many athletes would welcome having like-minded people in the owner's box. For every liberal like the Bill Bradley-supporting Michael Jordan or North Carolina's 11th District Dem Candidate Heath Shuler, you have conservatives like A-Rod, Don Mattingly, Jason Sehorn, and Karl Malone, as well as other winners like Peyton Manning or Curt Schilling. This quote from Sehorn, posted on the blog of Tom Watson (not the golfer) gives us a sense of this:
"In most of the locker rooms you'll find a little more Republican (support) than Democrat, at least thinking and leaning towards that way. I think because we understand that, you know, we're very capable and adept at taking care of ourselves, and we don't need somebody to place a lot of regulations. I mean, put things in place so I can take care of myself and protect me."
Sehorn's a real winner. But hey, considering the fact that the NBA has a major issue in supporting its pre-pension players, should we be surprised?
I do concede that there are some concerns here. I like sports, and on some level, I wouldn't want them to be completely tainted by the GOP machine. I mean, I want the GOP out of government, but not that badly. So, here's how it would work:
1. Those teams with Democratic owners (the Red Sox, Patriots, Steelers, Vikings, Dodgers, and Mavericks) Democratic Presidents/Chief officers (Pistons) and those with Dem-leaners (Reinsdorf likes to play both sides, though you can read about all that here) keep their teams. These teams will keep winning through effective strategy.
2. All the other teams get taken over or run by the GOP. None of them ever win again, but they make a crapload of money for everyone involved. You know, like Mitt Romeny can run the Brins (because obviously, they're never going to get better). The Commissionerships can be taken on by the big boys: Dubya on MLB; Jeb or Condi on NFL (the other can have the Dolphins). The NHL is off limits, though. Bettman already does a good job there, and they probably think they can't make money off it.
3. We create new sports in order to get more GOPers involved. Take the poll below for what would make the best pro team!
Now, I know I didn't touch on NASCAR. They already have much of NASCAR, so there's no need to worry on that end.
So, that's it. If you're offended, or a Yankees fan, I apologize.
