From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
In case you missed Real Time with Bill Maher last week, some golden nuggets...
"If I were Kim Jong Il, I would read the message of Iraq to be, if you don't have nuclear weapons, you get invaded, and if you do have nuclear weapons, you don't get invaded. Because we didn't invade the Soviet Union and China. So I think we're sending the wrong messages and doing nothing to really prevent a very, very dangerous situation."
--Madeleine Albright
"`The culture of life,' I might say, is a phrase invented by the last pope. And what it meant was, you're opposed to death in the death penalty, in war, in euthanasia and abortion. The Republicans decide, 'Oh, we're a cafeteria [style]. We'll take the abortion and euthanasia but we will launch wars' and we will...I mean, George Bush has signed more death warrants than any other human being in this country."
--Andrew Sullivan
"The courts have to overthrow legislation, because governments continue to breach constitutions. That's why you have a judicial branch to be umpires, to say when governments go too far. That's why you need judges who can't be fired!"
--Fmr. Canadian prime minister Kim Campbell
"New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole."
--Bill Maher
Cheers and Jeers sips tea in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, May 11, 2005...
Note: Today's C&J luncheon has been cancelled on account of mold. We will not buy the food so far in advance next time and we regret the inconvenience. And the smell.
By the Numbers:
Days `til `Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith': 8
Percent of critics at Rottentomatoes.com who give it a thumbs-up: 93%
Days `til Victoria Day in Canada: 12
(Source: My At-A-Glance desk calendar)
Amount food and agriculture groups spent on lobbying efforts in 2004: $48 million
(Source: Center for Responsive Politics)
Amount gamblers lost at casinos in 1993: $11 billion
Amount gamblers lost at casinos in 2003: $27 billion
(Source: SmartMoney via The Week magazine)
Number of letters in "Republican wanker": 16
Your Puppy Pic of the Day "So once I sign this the the divorce will be final? And I get the doghouse and the jewelry and the kids? Good...and good riddance to that lying, butt-sniffing cheater!"
CHEERS to queer science. Well, well, well. New research suggests that sexual orientation is (like we've been saying since Adam and Steve attended Eden's first Rave) hardwired at birth, not a choice. And in the minds of the right-wing fundies, this promises to change...absolutely nothing.
P.S. Jeers to the New York Post for yesterday's 50's-era headline: "Brains of Gay Men Respond Like Gals'." Couldn't resist, could ya...Fella?
JEERS to closed-door democracy. In an open-mouth kiss to the pollution-spewing industry, a U.S. appeals Court basically said yesterday that you and I have no right to know who shapes our country's energy policy or why. Now, Shhhh...listen carefully. Hear that? It's the sound of no one on the right crying, "Activist judges!" Shocking.
CHEERS to subversive genius. Monty Python was formed 36 years ago today. Click here and go crazy. P.S. Congrats to Eric Idle on the 14 Tony nominations for `Spamalot.'
JEERS to unwelcome hitchhikers. Voting 100 to 0 (no one wanted to get caught voting against it before they voted for it), the Senate approved another "emergency" $82 billion for Iraq and Afghanistan, which ensures that up to $5 billion of it will be spent wisely. Meanwhile, Republicans tacked on a measure that essentially creates a national ID card system. The downside: longer lines at (and more frequent visits to) the DMV. The upside: Big Brother will be so close now, he'll actually hand you neatly folded swaths of toilet paper in the john. Quilted even!
JEERS to the politics of "Boo!" Yep, just as we all thought: the White House raised the terror alert level even when it wasn't necessary, according to Tom Ridge. Which makes this must-see graph one helluva smoking gun. Wow, Bush was right after all: there is no trust fund left in this country anymore.
CHEERS to fuzzy math. Well, at least fuzzy mathematicians. Einstein's theory of relativity was presented 89 years ago today. His words: "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity." Great...but if you could change the girl to that hunky guy from 'Smallville' we'd be really impressed.
JEERS to local hackery. This morning on Channel 8's morning news, local news anchor Doug Cook announced the latest carnage in Iraq this way (paraphrasing here): "3 people were killed in Baghdad today and 11 were wounded after two car bombs exploded in the city. Oh, and 50 others were killed elsewhere and moving right along to sports and weather..." Thanks, but if I want sugarcoating with my corn flakes, I'll do it myself.
JEERS to reggae denied. 24 years ago, Bob Marley Died too young at 36. New evidence is emerging that he, in fact, shot the deputy, not the sheriff. But why quibble? Let's get together and feel alright anyway.
CHEERS to rockin' granddads. With an average age of 60.5 years, the Rolling Stones announced Monday that they're embarking on a year-long world tour starting in August. Instead of throwing panties onstage, their aging fans will throw...well, let's not go there.
C&J Flashback: May 11, 2004...
CHEERS to the International Red Cross. They say up to 90% of Iraqi detainees were hauled in "by mistake," and echoes a military report that U.S. abuses are widespread and not limited to Abu Ghraib. How sad---first the Red Cross tried to protect Iraqis from Saddam; now they're trying to protect 'em from us.
JEERS to mixed up priorities. A new report says Bush Administration has spent $3 in Iraq for every $1 spent on homeland security. Got duct tape?
And just one more...
CHEERS to sure signs of spring. It's starting to warm up here in Maine, and look what we just dug up in our driveway. Next week: daffodils?
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"Citizens of Cheers and Jeers, Laura and I were in the neighborhood...we thought we'd swing by and say "gamarjoba!" (Applause)
George W. Bush
5/10/05
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