Besides "Kerry Wins," here's the headlines we never saw, but wished we had.
- Millions evacuated before tsunami hits
- Israel withdraws from Gaza
- US turns over security operations in Iraq to multinational forces
- Bush chokes
- Rush Limbaugh hospitalized for drug OD
- George Tenet signs $10 million deal for tell-all book
- Colin Powell: "I lied" (or insert liar of your choice)
- Twins admit: "Chris Heinz is hot"
- Mary Cheney weds
- Cubs win World Series
Feel free to add, embellish, and improve below.