State Department Bans Courier New 12 Font

A January 29 internal memo at the State Department officially banned the long-standard font Courier New 12 from all U.S. diplomatic documents, with three exceptions:  "telegrams, treaty materials prepared by the State Department's legal affairs office and documents drawn up for the president's signature."  The new standard will be Times New Roman 14.

The choice to switch to a new font came after many requests were made, and as to make the memos easier to read.  To win over the skeptics, the State Department asserts that the new font, "takes up almost exactly the same area on the page as Courier New 12, while offering a crisper, cleaner, more modern look."

State Department sources whom I've completely made up also revealed plans to modernize their staff, requiring that hip, new lingo that, like, all the cool kids use, y'know, providing a one-time expense account for all employees to get themselves some bling-bling, and appointing Britney Spears as Ambassador of Sexy.