Meerkat Beam Up by rmanoske
Scene. Berkeley, CA. Backyard of Energy Secretary Steven Chu, April 21, 2010. 2:59 AM. PST.
Energy Secretary Steven Chu's red iPhone rings as he completes a metaversal portmanteauvian pole vault in the yard outside his Northern California home. The Nobel-prize physicist has been expecting the call.
"Mr. President."
"Chu. We're waiting for you. Bring the names. Every name associated with that that damned $500-million energy deal you Beserkerly guys signed with BP. Now."
Just seconds later Chu, dressed in his B-Dry 7 tie-died mesh shorts and "Nothing But Air" tee, vaults into his fluorescent resonance energy transfer unit, punches the polymer optical tweezer app on his iPhone and shouts the password.
"Meerkat"
He's gone.
"Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you." ~Maori Proverb. Photo by Dave DiCello
"Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end."Sid Caesar
Scene: The Oval Office.The White House, Washington, D.C. April 20. 11:59:01. EST
All Larry Summers can think about is his burning hemorrhoids as Chu slips onto a couch and immediately takes a deep chug of Shi Ru Xiang decompression tea. He notes someone from the Coast Guard is in the room and, of course, recognizes Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, Interior Secretary Ken Salazar, and climate adviser Carol Browner.
"Mr. President, I understand that at first glance this looks like an unfathomable environmental devastation From what I can ascertain, it will take months to stop this thing ... we can expect millions of barrels of oil to literally destroy the economy, the ecosystems and possibly even massive health issues ... but ..."
"...I can assure you. We have the expertise to whitewash the whole friggin' world."
The group looks skeptical.
"Look, Chu. Forget the Whitewash. We don't have time for that. I want you to pole-vault down there to Houston and do a quantum parallel embed with those BP fools. I've already contacted Samuel Thernstrom (he glances quickly at Summers who lacks the magic app " ... he's Meerkat. He's already got the AEI Geoengineering Project fabricating the interface for a massive RNA folding transfer."
Chu's eyes widen perceptibly. "Sir, you're not thinking of applying a quantum microscopic laser cooling principle to classical ... "
Obama shrugs. "Why not?"
Napolitano's eyes are glazed over. When Rahm caught up with her and Salazar and ordered them tout-de suite to the Oval, they'd been immersed in miraculous molecular gastronomy at José Andrés' six-seater Minibar, somewhere between the Dragon's Breath Popcorn and Parmesan Air with Anderson Cooper, Jessica Einhorn, and George David.
"An enzymatic phased transition which will transmute the oil," he says. "Then employ the invisibility cloak. Use the glucose mutation system to transfer the oil to .... What did you suggest, Larry?"
Moscow. Smog Attack. Aug. 6, 2010 by Evgeniya Zubchenko
Summers snaps to attention. "How about ...ummm.... Moscow?"
"I really don't think raining toxins down on Russia is going to help us get them to sign on to sanctions against Iran," says Napolitano."
Chu interrupts. "If I might explain the process first ... we'll start with gamma rays... 'I dabble in many areas of physics. I did experiments when I was a graduate student on weak interactions, which are the forces of nuclear decay. And so I kept in my brain certain nuclear sources and what their energies were and I knew what the ranges were for how penetrating gamma rays could be. Very high-energy gamma rays can penetrate several inches of steel.link'"
Nigeria: Once serving as part of the floor for a much larger Lake Chad, the area now known as the Bodele Depression, located at the southern edge of the Sahara Desert in north central Africa, is slowly being transformed into a desert landscape. Photo by NASA Goddard Space Flight Center
"Mr. President," Chu turns to Obama. "Might I suggest we utilize the Bodele Depression as a simulacra?"
"My thought exactly. We use the Bodelian dust and utilize the quantum algebraic geometric equivalency ratio to hyper-vitalize the soil in both the Amazon and the entire sub-Saharan continent. Solve 80% of the world's CO2 problem using the Horizon incident as the subterfuge."
"Basically, we'll be implementing magneto-optical trapping and direct laser writing with unpolarized light. So the cloaking structure itself will actually convert the toxins to algae. Essentially, we'll be jump starting the conversion of all that Gulf algae to a glucose economy."
Summers reaches across the table for another wienerbrød and whistles. "Wow, the Chinese won't know what hit them."
Strained silence. Chu sips his tea silently.
"So then in essence, Mr. President, we are talking about a whitewash. And extending the quantum space time contingency with the inverse via wave–particle duality, thereby reducing their load by some 44 billion tonnes of carbon dioxide."
"55.333 billion. Close to a perfect ..."
"Fibonacci sequence,' Ten more days we'd be at 89."
"I've got this, Mr. President." Chu rises from the couch.
Pole Vault by Truett Holmes
Grabbing his Hammacher Schlemmer pole, he sprints to the door, vaults over the girls' swing set and lands behind the White House garden. Moon-flakes sliver through the dinosaur and rhino kale. Chu pulls out his iPhone.
"Meerkat."
He's gone.
"Damn," says Obama, watching from the window. "Next up an app for Air Force One."
He escorts his staff to the door of the Oval and shouts down the hall.
"Rahm. I want Hayward here NOW! No way that asshole is gonna get his life back before I’m ready to give it to him."
***
It's 1 AM when Ax enters the office and tosses the basketball to his buddy. "You know, we could actually have Chu use the atomic clock, fudge with the time/space continuum and catapult the Deepwater back to 8:00 pm ... Shit, we could make the whole damn thing a simulacrum! Damned if they’ll ever drill anywhere again!
Obama tosses the ball back with relish. "Brilliant. Tell Rahm to get Linden Lab here by 5. We need millions of gallons of fake oil. I want Cousteau. Plouffe. Cameron. We’re gonna need a third layer. Tell Chu."
"By now, he's probably figured it out. All in a day’s work for him," says Ax. "I'll call Cooper, too. Last I heard he was still slurping down deconstructed Mojitos."
Obama glances at his watch. Good. He’s got time for a quick Gulf flyover before Hayward.
***
Scene: White House Garden. August 21, 1:15 AM
The President of the United States jogs into the garden, pulls out his personalized iPhone, hits the app button.
"Meerkat."
He’s gone.
***
Scene: Hover. Gulf of Mexico. Skies above DeepWater Horizon Rig August 20 9:59 CDT
Obama and Chu peer down at the Deep Water Horizon rig.
"Where's the explosion?" Obama asks his energy secretary.
"What explosion?" Chu turns and smiles at the President. "Mission Accomplished."
Obama nods. "Let's get outta here." They pull out their iPhones.
"Meerkat"
They're gone.
***
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A dream vision born in the mists of a parallel universe! - EXPLORED with thanks!
I am not always of this world. My mind takes sojourns through parallel universes. Often. It's how I stay sane.
I meet some of my friends in those parallel universes, too.
Some of those friends are poets, or writers, or painters, or nature lovers. Most are photographers.
Some are really quirky, some are very funny, some are very stern, some are very fresh, some are very annoying, some are very loveable, but all are very dear. To me.
If you are one of my friends, whom I meet with in one of my parallel universes, there is no need for me to say who you are. You just know.
But if you are not, then please allow me to share this dream vision of a flower. It was once just a lowly white petunia, but now it is majestic, a queen of the flowers. For it has been born of the mists of a parallel world.
Takes imagination to find the doorway. But once inside, the trip is magical. ~~Sheree~~
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The Gulf Recovery blogathon is a three-day series about what we can do to assist the citizens, wildlife and eco-systems of the Gulf Coast. Through diaries on a wide range of subjects –- by an incredible team of writers -- we hope to promote awareness of the continuing crisis caused by the devastating deluge of oil that has overwhelmed the Gulf since the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig on Tuesday, April 20, nearly four months ago.
Hundreds of thousands of Gulf Coast residents have seen their livelihoods, if not their generations-old ways of life, threatened or extinguished. Thousands –- perhaps tens of thousands -- of shorebirds, reptiles, amphibians and marine mammals are dead or suffering. An entire eco-system is in danger.
It would all sound at least marginally hyperbolic, were it not all true.
There is so much to do. And, as a community, we can accomplish so much. Please join us by reading, recommending, commenting -- and by taking action through the links provided.
