Let's get one thing straight right now:
The spat between the "values conservatives" and the parasite aristocrats who own the GOP doesn't mean jack shit, because the "values" talk has always meant jack shit.
You see the other cattle wising up, don't you? Don't you?
I'm sure they'll figure it out. Any minute now ...
It's not just that the Republicans' cattle were dumb enough to believe all that moral and superstitious horseshit in the first place. That's just the first layer. If you can stand the stench, here's the second.
Values conservatives don't have any values:
That's why they have to talk about them so much. And that's the reason why, furthermore, they're drawn to the demogogues who embody the exact opposite of their phony values: hypocrites are drawn to more successful hypocrites.
Build a better scapegoat and Red State America will beat a path to your door!
Social conservatives may lament the end of their picket fence America (that never existed), but what they're really reacting to is the end of the pretense of these values. When we ditched casual bigotry as a sign of virtue, for instance, they whined about "political correctness."
Honestly. The nerve of some people! Telling me I can't spit on the niggers and the faggots and the Jews. It's the end of Western Civilization, I tell ya!
We won't pretend all kinds of things any more, and that is the beginning of the end of their little fantasy world. Why do they hate Kinsey so much? Because he "said it's all OK," meaning lots of kinky sex, even though he didn't say anything of the kind. Kinsey just made it impossible to pretend any more that lots of kinky sex wasn't happening. That's what they oppose: reality. And it's the needs of their fantasy world that make them dangerous to the real world.
Just ask an Iraqi.
Therefore, the right isn't trying to force its values on you:
They can't. They don't have those values. What they need from you, from all of us, is the willingness to trash our Constitution and give away our freedoms (to stop being America, quite simply) so that they can go on pretending they have the values they don't. So they can pretend to have the values of a pre-revolutionary theocracy dominated by an agrarian aristocracy.
They don't actually want to live in a "Christian America" (that never existed anyway, that is un-Constitutional and entirely non-biblical),
they just want us to help them pretend that they do, just like they do every day. And they're willing to piss away their birthright as Americans just to keep the farce going just a little bit longer.
Why do they hate America?
OK, you know what time it is.
Rant = ON.
(disclaimer - You already know every part of what I'm about to tell you. But I'm telling you this again to torpedo the "the moral conservatives have woken up to the fact they're being used and this is the end of the Republicans" talk.)
Red States don't practice family values:
They have the highest divorce rates and the highest bastardy rates, so the next guy who rails about the decline of moral values, I'm gonna take a brillo™ pad to his herpes scabs. You want moral advice? Go to a place of worship ... anywhere. You want a hot piece of ass without too much trouble? Head south.
Same with their elected representatives, and I don't just mean Hot Tub Tom himself. Given free rein in social policy, "family values" politicians have only driven abortion rates UP. If we could subpoena all their medical records, like the far right wants to do in the case of abortion, I wonder what that would show about their phony right to life bullshit, too? Oh well. We already have their love of executing the mentally ill and their passion for mass-murder in the Persian Gulf, so we already know that the right is full of shit about "life," too. They NEED to lament "the unborn" to mask the screams of their real live victims.
I can't heeeeeaar youuuuuuuuuuu!
Red States aren't big on "law and order":
That was only ever a code-phrase for keeping black people out of their neighborhoods. LBJ told Dixie they had to share FDR's America with the darkies and damned if the crackers didn't revert to type. The South has had the highest murder rates in the country for generations, and generations of sociologists have tried to figure out why. Aw hell, just go to a tailgate around cleanup sometime. Or you could just watch COPS.
Red States have no monopoly "rugged individualism":
The Red West was tamed by corporations (some foreign) and the federal government. Not only is the western states' notion of itself a myth, that myth was brought there by easterners who moved west after the west was tamed, bringing their pulp fiction mythology of the cowboy and the pioneer with them. Dime store novels and silly paintings cobbled together by a bunch of easterners who never crossed the Mississippi, they "made" the "West."
The Red South, moreover, just sits there and sucks up federal welfare. A lot of it's hawk-pork now. That's right, pigs can fly now and they've even got weapons pods, too, but they tend to crash a lot. Somebody tell Kay Bailey Hutchison. Or not.
Welfare is the only thing that keeps a lot of the South from begging in the streets. Most of welfare-state America, last I checked, is white, female, southern, and votes Republican. The southern male is the most insecure, thin-skinned, petulant, and passive aggressive little bitch I have ever encountered. I've only been on four continents, but I've pretty much given up hope of finding a bigger bitch. And insecure people are always the most dangerous.
News Flash to White Trash: your truck won't make your little penis grow. Don't believe me? Peel out around the block again! You know you want to ...
If these people weren't white, Andrew Sullivan would be pimping racist theories about them
"So, how long do we have to stay here?"
"Until they find someone else to be scared of, I guess"
So much for the trash. Now for the trashmen:
What about the proud defenders of our traditional values? Well, which one?
- Do you mean the white-collar, Ivy-League educated [correction: Marist and Boston U. aren't Ive League, as I've just been reminded; they're also not exactly Southie] multi-millionaire who poses as a blue-collar tough-guy?
- Do you mean the draft-dodging, drug-addicted, serial divorcee who preaches national security and family values?
- Do you mean the anti-Catholic hair-job who poses as a Christian fighting off a "liberalism" that only he can see?
- Do you mean the aging, childless, unmarried, sexually liberated Ivy-League Deadhead who tells women to stay home and have babies since they're too stupid to vote?
- Or perhaps you mean one of the apparently numberless self-hating gay Republican operatives who suck up to the people who would gladly line them all up against a wall and machine gun them to death?
- Or maybe you mean someone more local, like one of those pastors or ministers or priests who seem to monopolize the sexual predator market in small towns. Each week their crimes fill several pages, and that's just the ones we know about.
Which one?
WHICH FUCKING ONE?!?!?
See: these people need each other. Their moral lives are as barren and rocky and inhospitable as Ann Coulter's womb. If they couldn't lean on each other's massive self-delusions, they'd collapse into the moral sewer that is the right wing, awash in blood and red ink. Glory, glory, glory.
Full disclosure:
This has always been obvious to me, 'cause I grew up around 'em. Not just the trailer park types I'm always on about, I mean their future betters. That's what comes of growing up on the edges of different worlds, I guess. Told what I was told about traditional values and their erosion by decadent, coastal elites, I had to wonder why was it that the biggest prudes I ever met were Yankees. Hell, a southern girl may come across as churchy, but two drinks and turn down the lights and she'll suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
(I'm not complaining. Just sayin'.)
Why is it, I used to wonder, that frat-daddies who laid out mattresses all down the halls of the second floor of their immaculate frat house (on parents' weekend, no less) for random drunken quickies with high school girls, that THESE GUYS would grow up to vote for "family values"? They learn to follow, to cover up, to clean that girl's blood off the wall and keep their mouths shut.
You think I'm making this shit up?
No, the most red of the red that I've ever known are also among the most debauched, and more than a few of them are gay, not that any of them were out. Why the unceasing homo-eroticism from the homophobes? The guy who dragged a pledge around with a claw-hammer hooked under his testicles, he's going to vote against gay marriage next month, isn't he? Is that why he married a woman who works so hard to maintain the ass of a ten year old boy?
There were a few who didn't fit this pattern, whites who are just scared shitless of non-whites, but that's another story. I knew maybe two or three serious, moral Christians as I was growing up in a red state like Texas, and I admire them to this day. They were serious about living according to a code, and it was BECAUSE they were serious that they knew their own failings. They were intent on being better, on improving themselves. That was the most important thing in their lives. But for the rest of them, Christian identity was just an entitlement and a fig leaf, an opportunity to scream about other people's debauchery to distract from their own. It's like they never left seventh grade.
Conservatives are just a bunch of followers, that's why they talk about "leadership." Power-over is a fetish (and, I suspect, a powerful kinkiness), which explains their cute attempts to mimic military jargon. A conservative's proudest achievement is knuckling under to a multi-billion dollar political machine. The slave is proud to belong to such a rich massah.
You don't have to be black to be a handkerchief-head
This is why they do what they do: they have to. Falafel man is talking about the "liberal elite," but only because he grew up envying Yankee aristocrats. Rush Limbaugh thumps the "chest" of his pear-shaped body, but only because he knows he's not much of a man. Sean Hannity wails about yesterday's news ('cause it take a long time to cook up talking-points with a 80286 brain), but that's because he only has the stomach for the canned hunt that is Alan Colmes' flat ass. Ann Coulter apostrophizes "liberals" she can only seen when the moon is full, but only because she never could cash in her tall, blonde caché for a do-nothing job as a rich man's three-holed toy. Mehlman occasionally pulls some stranger's dick out of his mouth, but only because the unanswerable white male privilege he shills for is so attractive. The pastor is talking to you about the dangers of homosexuals, but only because he wants to fuck your children.
Rant = OFF.
Moralizing is the first refuge of a sociopath. There are virtually no honest moralizers, there are only predators of one stripe or another.
If you meet Buddha on the road ...
o-BLUE-terate him!
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