Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

Community

Thursday July 13, 2006 · 4:26 AM PDT

2006/07/13 · 04:26

From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...

ATTENTION DAILY KOS READERS: Due to the recent implosion of this blog, we have begun swapping out all its content with late-night jokes:

"President Bush announced that the federal deficit is actually $296 billion less than originally forecast. The president credits low unemployment, high job growth, and the fact that he did the math himself."
---Conan O'Brien
-

"Any online gamblers here? Well, Congress is looking in shutting that down. There's going to be a massive congressional investigation of online gambling and they're going to shut it down. And when they get done with that, they're going to look into this North Korean thing."
---David Letterman
-

"Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was in Afghanistan today where he promised to defeat the Taliban. Didn't we do that already? He's also sworn we will soon capture Saddam Hussein."
---Jimmy Kimmel
-

"President Bush told People magazine this week that he's working on a solution for global warming. He says it will be ready in less than six months. It's called winter."
---Jay Leno
-

"Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, Judicial and Executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are."
---Stephen Colbert
-

"The security of the world is threatened by Kim Jong-Il, a nerdy pompadour, platform shoe wearer who looks like something you would put on the end of your child's pencil."
---Jon Stewart
-

Thank you for your patience during our remodeling. Messy things, implosions. Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, July 13, 2006

Note: The dress code at Cheers and Jeers is cuff-linked and starch collared, reflecting the temper of me, a man with a reputation for no-nonsense, alpha-male decisiveness.

By the Numbers:
Days `til the Lieberman/Lamont primary vote: 26
Days `til the Cultural Survival Bazaar in Portland: 23
Estimated number of homeless veterans in the U.S.: 200,000
Percentage of homeless vets who fought in the current conflict in Iraq or the 1991 Gulf War. About 40% fought in Vietnam: 10%
(Source: TIME)
Average wait in minutes on a Tuesday at an Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles branch: 33 minutes
Average wait time for a Tuesday at the Michigan Road branch: 72 minutes
(Source: June, 2006 BMV efficiency report via IndyStar.com)
What 72 minutes equals in "blog time": 4 hours

Your Puppy Pic of the Day: The Doggie Wears Prada.

CHEERS to RAGING against the lying of the right. The first thing we saw when we opened up Maryscott O'Connor's new blog one year ago today was: The server has a bug up its ass. We almost got whiplash bookmarking it (the blog...not the bug or the ass). Happy Anniversary, My Left Wing'ers. You flame fabulously. (But could you turn the music down? These walls are thin.)

JEERS to the Amish Country Popcorn Factory. And the Sweetwater Flea Market. And every "Beach at the end of a Street." These are terrorist havens, flourishing in America right under our collective noses according to the Department of No-Land Security. President Bush, we'll start bombing on your signal. And yes, we'll be usin' them bunker busters.

CHEERS to pushing back. Interesting kerfuffle at the The Wall Street Journal over their reporting of Bush's secret program to monitor international banking activity without warrants. Members of the paper's news division---who operate in the real world--- are unhappy that the factually-challenged, right-wing editorial-page gorillas led by Paul Gigot are the ones defending the paper's reporting instead of the news bureau chiefs:

"They're wrong all the time. They lack credibility to the point that the emperor has no clothes," said one staffer whose reporting has been at odds with an editorial crusade. [...] "To have Paul Gigot as our captain is bullshit," one staffer said. "It's not for real."

Gigot wasn't available for comment because he's hard at work on his next editorial: Gravity: Real Science...or Liberal Hocus Pocus?.

JEERS to the loneliest job in the world. Yes, Virginia, there is a White House Director for Lessons Learned. It's right next door to the Maytag repairman. If he wasn't earning $106,000 per year I might be inclined to laugh.

P.S. Just who is this Stuart Baker and where does come from? Here's footage from his previous job. Nice shoes.

CHEERS to portable potables. On this most important date in 1568, the Dean of St Paul's Cathedral perfected a way to bottle beer. Try stashing a keg under your robe and you'll understand why.

WHOA, MAMA to picking at old scabs. Good Lord...Israel and Lebanon are at it again. "They started it!" "No, they started it!" If y'all don't mind, I'm just going to raise my hands and back away slowly. Any bars around here that haven't been blown up in the last 24 hours...?

JEERS to Joe Klein. But Cheers to Ted Pauly for smacking him down in a letter to Time magazine:

In "Why Bush Is (Still) Winning The War at Home" [June 26], columnist Joe Klein asked, "How is it possible...for the Democrats to seem so bollixed about the war and for the President to seem so confident?" The President's political survival has been tied from Day One to never admitting a mistake. The Democrats, on the other hand, are looking carefully at the problems brought on by the President's recklessness. Then, from their various viewpoints, they are attempting to propose policy solutions that might stand a chance of turning things around in Iraq or at least saving lives. What looks bollixed to Klein appears to me to resemble evidence of a genuine policy debate, which is what many Democrats (and some Republicans) have sought for months.

Right between the eyes.

P.S. Speaking of Time, they could've published their latest cover on January 20, 2001, but better late than never, I guess. I think I'm going to get it framed.

CHEERS to the power of the spoken word. What kind of superhero does it take to get those annoying crawls off the bottom of the cable news networks' screens? Baddaboom, Baddabing...Captain Lewis Black! Well done sir...Iraq crisis continues...Aruba girl still missing...Jen and Ben back together?...President Bush lances boil, claims victory...stocks slump amid rumors that Ben Bernanke has head cold... (Well, it was nice while it lasted.)

JEERS to the Richard Nixon Golden Scrotum Award. In the spirit of Tricky Dick's famous "When the president does it, that means that it is not illegal" remark, we present today's award to Steven Bradbury of the Bush Justice department for this bit of preciousness, delivered to Senator Patrick Leahy with just the right amount of sneeeer in his voice:

-
"The president is always right."
-

You can pick up your award in the back alley behind DailyKos headquarters, Steve-O. We'll be, uh, waiting for ya.

CHEERS to Gran'pa Han Solo. To paraphrase the Beatles, "Will we still need Harrison Ford, will we still feed Harrison Ford, when he's 64?" We'll find out as he hits that magical age today. We noticed that one of the movies on his plate is No True Glory: Battle For Fallujah. Interesting. But finish your 4th Indy film first...and bring back the snakes this time.

CHEERS to the NEW Mongolian Empire. My goodness, helloooo, Genghis!

One Year Ago in C&J: July 13, 2005:

JEERS to The Republican Association of Traitorous Slugs (RATS). This is disgusting. Look at how underfunding is affecting America's VA hospitals. That's compassionate conservatism for ya: take two `fuck yous' and don't bother calling us in the morning because we have other priorities. Oh...and don't forget to fork over your co-pay.

P.S. Now Bush is thinking of kicking thousands of veterans out of VA nursing homes. But I'm sure they'll all be welcome to stay at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Y'know, just until they die of neglect.

CHEERS to tying the knot. Ohio Representative Dennis Kucinich often made more sense on the '03/'04 campaign trail than all the other presidential contenders combined, and he was often teased for being a bachelor (not that there's anything wrong with that). Well, later this summer the progressive's progressive is getting married to British citizen Elizabeth Harper. Wear a helmet, you two...we hear they'll be throwing buckeyes instead of rice.

And just one more...

CHEERS to the best blog post by Andrew Sullivan...ever. All his hard work finally paid off---summed up in two simple words: "online bliss." Now go and pop yourself some virtual bubble wrap. (And don't be a wimp. Hit the manic mode button and take it to the edge.)

Floor's open...what are you cheering and jeering about today?

Today's shameless testimonial:

"The Psycho Bill in Portland Maine doll is motorized for automated two-knived slashing action."
---Boing Boing

This content was created by a Daily Kos Community member.

Make YOUR voice heard!

Cheers and Jeers: Thursday

Comments are closed on this story.