I'll never forget the day I cracked wise to my first boss, a jovial guy who immediately became a tough but uplifting mentor to me in the early days of my professional career.
I can't recall specifics, really... just some dipshit remark I made after mentioning that the rumor mill was buzzing with talk that our city's mayor was gay. The grin on my boss's face immediately vanished, and the look he gave me was stony.
"Exactly how would your opinion of the mayor be different if he liked women instead? What does that have to do with anything?"
I realized I was unwelcome and beat a hasty retreat. But I was puzzled. Most of my friends in my youth would have laughed at what I said. Why would my boss be any different?
I found out a short time later, when my boss invited me to a party at his house. And I found out, for the first time, that my boss was gay.
My homophobic ass had just walked into a party with about three dozen gay and lesbian revelers. Had I not been eager to make a good impression on my boss, I'd have probably fled.
But that wasn't an option here. So I grabbed a drink and reluctantly waded in.
It turned out to be one of the most enjoyable parties of my life.
To fully appreciate this moment, you should understand my ignorance -- all I knew about the LGBT community was what the conservative evangelical church of my youth had told me... and it wasn't good.
So I found myself surprised by the welcome I received from the partygoers I encountered. This group was vibrant... alive... and welcoming. Being a wallflower in this group simply was not an option. These guys wouldn't let you get away with it!
I relaxed and enjoyed an exceptionally fun evening.
They were my first LGBT friends. Thankfully, they were not the last. And I learned over the years that my experience at this party was no fluke.
I hope readers will forgive a bit of stereotyping here, but I've never encountered a community more welcoming or more full of life than the LGBT community.
I'll give you an example from my professional life. Among the circuit of conventions I attend each year, I look forward to the convention of an LGBT professionals' organization the most. Most conventions are conducted in professional speak -- mindless small talk with a steady stream of bored-looking conventioneers.
At the LGBT convention, I'm greeted as a long-lost friend -- and the carefree attitude of attendees turns the convention hall from an ordeal into an enjoyable experience.
I learned, over the years, that several members of my family were gay or lesbian. I suppose they sensed the change in my attitude, and felt they could share this side of themselves openly with me. In each instance, it has made my relationship with that family member much closer.
The LGBT community has taught me how to embrace and enjoy life -- and in doing so, has made my life far richer.
This community has also taught me loyalty. The LGBT community remains an embattled one, and I've learned through personal and professional experience that it is fiercely loyal to those who would support it in the face of institutionalized homophobia.
I have come a long way from the homophobia of my youth. I owe my liberation from that period of ignorance and prejudice to the friendship of LGBT friends, business associates and family members over the years.
So, to Rick Warren, and all of those who try to justify homophobia by playing the "gay friend" card...
You are a liar. There is no way on God's green earth that you have an LGBT friend.
There is no way you could have a gay friend and embrace measures that strip that friend of equality and happiness. You would sooner crawl over broken glass than betray them.
You do not have a gay friend.
But I wish you did. From the bottom of my heart, I hope one day you do have a dear friend from the LGBT community.
For when that happens, your liberation from homophobia will begin.
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