So, we all know what the LGBTQ stands for. But what about the “A” in LGBTQA? To most, it means “Allies”, which is well and good. But what about those who call themselves Ace? Or Asexual?
Asexuality, in my opinion, is the most misunderstood of all the identities.
Why? Because every other “category” in the LGBTQ spectrum assumes that a person will be a sexual person, no matter who said person is sexual with.
Asexuality, however, means that a person has NO interest in ANY kind of sexual behavior whatsoever. Or so “Conventional Wisdom” will tell us.
Please please please read THIS article for more information. Fair use prevents me from posting the entire article, and you REALLY NEED to read the entire article to understand.
So, why am I posting about Asexuality? Follow me below the jump to hear my story
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Welp, it took me 55 years to figure it out, but I am on the Asexual spectrum.
Wait. “Spectrum”? There’s more than one kind of Asexual?
Darn tootin’.
I’m going to leave you with the article I posted earlier in the diary and tell you about MY asexuality.
For me, sex has always been something like a “Thing To Do”. Like walking the dog, or doing dishes, or whatever. I have NEVER had an orgasm while having sex. Never. Ever. Twice, I’ve had an orgasm because of oral sex, but I had no independent part in that. For sure, asexuals can have orgasms through masturbation.
From the article linked above:
Some asexual people actually do experience sexual desire and masturbate. But most asexual people won't get turned on in response to other people. "You may feel that someone is attractive but not be attracted to them," Shane explains.
Again, from the article linked:
4. The label resonates with you.
Ultimately, there's no test that will tell you if you're asexual—it all comes down to how you feel.
"People who are not ace spectrum might still not always enjoy sex or not be super motivated to have it because there is ample variation within sexuality, too," says Queen. "But when someone discovers asexuality as a potential self-identity and really feels like 'that's it, that explains it,' they're probably ace."
I am within the spectrum of asexuality called “Grey” Asexuality. Greys are somewhere in between.
The article again:
Some people use the term graysexual to refer to being somewhere in between asexual and sexual. "If you're graysexual, you sometimes feel sexual attraction but not always," says Queen.
According to multi-certified sex and relationships educator Anne Hodder-Shipp, graysexuality can be further broken down into a few different types:
- Sex-repulsed
- Indifferent/neutral
- Ambivalent
- Sex-interested/sex-favorable
I would describe myself as a hetero romantic grey ace. I CAN fall in love, I can be sexually attracted to people based on said people.
If I am REALLY attracted to a person, it’s in a romantic way. Meaning, if I am attracted to you, it will be in a way that is all romance, and NO sex. My dreams involve being with a woman (hetero, remember) and just BEING with her. Think watching streaming stuff and doing nothing but holding hands and being content in each other’s company.
BUT—I say again, being Ace is being on a spectrum. That is why people who are Ace have their own “secret code” to identify each over. Back in around 2003 or 2005, there was an internet thread which determined how people who were Ace could identify themselves to each other.
That “identification” turned out to be a black ring worn on the RIGHT Middle Finger. Hence the picture at the top of the diary.
So there it is. Please, for more information, go to the The Asexual Visibility and Education Network. If what’s here makes you think “Hey, I feel those feelings”, then you too may be on the spectrum.
And it will be, as I mentioned on a subreddit, frighteningly liberating.
And now, on to the Tops!
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